Looking Glass Love

Part 1 A walk

Avery had been quiet all afternoon. Whilst Leiser practiced his keying with Jackson, he had sat in the corner brooding about Sarah and little Anthony. It was guilt, he supposed; guilt about how they had parted, about how little thought he had given them, about how much attention he had given Leiser. He had been completely absorbed in his charge, in a way he had not been with Sarah for years and his son never.

At one point Leiser had looked around from his work and smiled at Avery.

'Good work today, eh John? We'll get our walk tomorrow I think.'

Avery had smiled back and looked enquiringly at Jackson.

'We shall see' he said, looking at Avery rather than Leiser, 'it's the Majors decision.'

Leiser had looked back around at Avery, this time pleadingly.

'I'll have a word' Avery had responded, 'Jackson's right, it's his decision really.'

'But you can persuade him, eh John?' Leiser had said.

Avery had felt a thrill at Fred's trust in him, and at the same time realised how much he loved Fred's company. They just got on, effortlessly. Not at all like with Sarah, which had become all eggshells and unspoken frustration. Even on Saturday when her Mother had Anthony and they have sex, there was an air of being unfulfilled. They would sit in silence and look for excuses to be elsewhere. It was not like that with Fred. Maybe men could only be like that, relaxed, easy, with each other. Like at school. Girls always seemed so much more complicated.

Avery raised the question of a walk with Haldane as promised, but he had been non-committal to the point of disinterest. It wasn't until supper that he had responded at all in fact.

'Jackson seems to think you're getting on well, but your keying is getting tired' he had said.

Jackson had winked at Leiser, but the gesture was missed as he was looking between Haldane and Avery. Protocol required the junior Jackson to be seated at the other end of the table. Leiser, as an non-officer, sat in the middle.

'Yes that's right' Leiser had responded cautiously.

Haldane said nothing more and returned to his newspaper crossword.

Later Leiser cornered Avery to ask what had been said about the possibility of their going out. Avery was almost overwhelmed by the intensity of Fred's need.

'We'll see Fred' he reassured him, 'if you work hard tomorrow morning I'm sure he'll say yes.'

The following morning they breakfasted in silence before the three of them returned to Fred's keying practice. As the morning drew on clouds gathered and a steady rain moved in. The prospect of a walk receded. With it Leiser's mood blackened and technique deteriorated, such the Avery all but gave up hope.

He finished his lunch quickly so that he could telephone Sarah. His guilt had returned and needed lancing. The telephone rang for ages before her Mother had answered and had been reluctant to put Sarah on. Finally they spoke, but in the end had little to say. Avery felt little better and stood holding the receiver for a few minutes. Anger built up inside of him. Didn't Sarah understand the importance of his work? Or the pressure he was under? Was it too much to expect her support? He left the small telephone room.

Haldane was waiting for him in the hall.

Haldane raised an eyebrow, 'take Leiser for that walk.'

'In this?' Avery asked indicating toward the front door where the rain ponded the windows.

Haldane nodded toward the coat stand. He had organised trench coats and Wellington boots did them.

'Keep him out all afternoon.'