White

0. Think Less And Go to Sleep.. Please

-          Good night.

No answer. Normal, I'm the only one awake right now. Mom is sleeping in her room and here I am, laying in the sofa while playing on my phone at 3h00 AM. After a last look on my IG account, I put my phone to the side and close my eyes.

I wonder how my imagination will go this time. Maybe playing around about me being in a castle, feeling lost in this medieval time, singing some Cardi B or Rihanna songs when I want to impress Mozart or any other musical genius...  But surely, he will be there.

How funny that I don't remember his physic. I can't picture his face, nor remember his name, but I do remember some little details:

Beautiful white straight hair that's long to his shoulder, a really white and sparkling skin that feels soft to the touch... But not like Twillight. His skin's reaalllyy smooth and makes you want to keep on touching it, so smooth...

Don't ask me, I don't know how I know this detail and honestly, I don't think I really want to go deeper in this aspect. I don't look like it, but I'm a really shy person and I will cry of embarrassament if it turns out that I had a wet dream with some unknowing men... Yes, I'm a virgin, so what? It's not because I enjoyed reading Fifty Shades of Grey - and I mean reading the full serie - that it makes me someone that is at ease with her sexuality, nor frustrated about it. What I mean is I'm not ... Hmmm...Not experienced enough... of... you know what? Better  stop right there, I feel like I am dragging myself down with my explanations... Also, it's not like there's somebody, an outsider, that is currently reading my thought and that I need to explain them everything. And let's say it was the case, I feel soo sorry for you, deeply. So much courage to try to understand my thoughts, but also.. why? You must have lot of time to spend in nothing. My life is pretty much boring. There is no action, nada, nyet.  So I wouldn't understand why somebody would want to read my mind at all..

I let out a big sigh and try to find a better position to sleep on my couch. We are not rich, we are actually living in an apartment that has 4 rooms (if we include the toilet) : my mom's room, the kitchen and the living room. Because we don't have enough space for a second bed, I sleep on the couch.

Now, it's not that my mom is selfish by taking the only bedroom. I am the one who said to her that I would prefer to sleep on the sofa, lying that I don't really enjoy cozy surfaces and that I do enjoy feeling the strings in my back ( you can hear my sarcasm from here)..

But guess what! I'm a good liar. It's as if it's running in my blood.. Yup, a good liar! A good liar that works for the white/good team and that keeps in mind that her mom deserve a good night sleep since she's the one who pays the bills.

As for me, I don't work enough to provide for the house - still waiting for an augmentation someday, maybe in a millenium who knows?- since school loves to eat what I earn. I'm 19 years old by the way, and still going to school. Why? Because I want a job that pays me well.

I did try to become a youtuber, but I only ended up having 5 views on my first video... Not enough to make a living, if you want my opinion. Also, I did try to become a model - din't work either. I'm not skinny enough to be considered one and let's not talk about being curvy... I don't have enough ass and my boobs are stuck to the letter B since a long time ago.

I mean, I'm in the middle: not too curvy, not too skinny. I just cannot go against my genetics!

BuT tHeRe'S sUrGeRY. I'm broke, okay. I can't even afford to say that word and I'm not dramatizing here. I even feel a little bit daring for thinking that word in my head.

Wait, how did I go from the beautiful white haired man to surgery? I'm ready to bet that he would run away from me if he knew what was going on in this little head of mine. Like, what the heck is going on in my mind? I'm thinking just wayyyyy to much! It's crazy, I'm crazy.. Are you really nineteen Aila? Are you? You're even talking to yourself in the third person.....Also, it's not like he exist, Aila. Feel free to think whatever...you want..but...go to sleep already...giving me...an...headache... zzzzz