Falling into Place

Prologue

When I was a kid, my mom would always tell me, "Ava Mae, life may be hard right now, but eventually all things fall into place." I didn't understand what she meant by that until I was 23 years old. Seems like a long time to wait for things to fall into place, right? Well, that's just how terrible the first half of my life was. 

Growing up, I was bullied because my mind was a little slower than everyone else's. My mom had me placed in the special needs class because it would be "more my speed". I knew I didn't belong there, but I also knew that I didn't belong in normal classes. Intelligence wise, I sat in a small bubble between being too smart to need special needs classes and too dumb to take the on-level courses. It was a nightmare. I never understood anything and always failed my classes. Everyone made fun of me because I would take some of my classes with the special needs kids. Due to the bullying, no one ever wanted to be my friend. Anyone that did want to be my friend ended up being fake as fuck. 

I would cry myself to sleep every night during high school. My mom would just tell me the same thing over and over again: "eventually all things fall into place". And I'd say, "Oh really, Mom? When the fuck is that? I've been waiting for it my entire life!" 

Looking back, I should've been a lot nicer to my mom than I was. She really tried her best. I was her only child. She had me in her 40s after she met my dad. She slept all day and worked night shifts just to put food on the table. My dad, on the other hand, slept all night and worked all day. I never saw both of them at the same time, but when I did, they were always arguing. Occasionally, when he was really mad and completely wasted on beer, he'd hit her. Every time I saw it, it made me cringe. I just prayed that he wouldn't hit me next. He never did. He just yelled at me all the time. I can't ever remember having a normal conversation with my dad. 

I just don't understand why some people get married if they don't really love each other. I think it has something to do with one of them being a leech, sucking the life out of the other one. Without a victim to latch to, the leech would shrivel up and die. My dad is a lot like a leech. He relies on my mom for everything... everything except sex. 

My mom has always been a beautiful woman even well into her 50s and 60s. Sure, they were never home at the same time, but that doesn't mean my dad should've done what he did to her. At first, it started with a lot of porn. Then it progressed to him hiring prostitutes. I got lucky if I wasn't home when he was doing either of those things. My dad is a disgusting human being. I'm so glad that my mom finally called it enough and divorced his sorry ass. Life got better when my mom divorced my dad, but it still wasn't perfect. 

I have a half brother on my dad's side named Corey. He's 10 years older than me, so he moved out of the house when I was 8. He would visit sometimes, but eventually, he just stopped coming around. I don't blame him. The endless nights of hearing my parents argue and my dad masturbating in the next room after my mom had gone to work was an absolute nightmare. Growing up like this isn't healthy for anyone, especially when you combine that with the influence of both of my parents' alcohol abuse and cigarette addiction. 

In my teenage years, I turned to desperate hookups, hard alcohol, and drugs. I would go to a different party every night just so I wouldn't have to go home. I had a few relationships, but they were all with scummy guys who didn't treat me any better than my dad treated my mom. At some point, I would look in a mirror and see nothing but fat, fat, and more fat. This led to some problems with bulimia and starvation. I would go days without eating, and if I did eat, I would throw up. I had to be hospitalized 3 different times. 

My life was difficult, but there was only one thing that kept me alive: music. When I was 6 years old, I began to play the piano. I fell in love instantly. Playing the piano provided an angelic escape from the Hell I was living. In my teenage years, I took singing lessons to accompany my piano skills. I began recording videos of myself playing and singing, but I never posted them online because I was too insecure. I dreamed day after day of becoming a recording artist, but I didn't want to do it by myself.