About my life, I guess

TW

And I just lay there
Topless
Arms spread to the side
Legs hanging off the edge of the bed
Everything burns, but I barely notice it
The music is loud enough to drown my thoughts
The warm blood is running down my arms, legs, stomach, chest
I feel like crying, but instead I smile
It feels like they're fading
I'm gonna lose them
They're slowly slipping away
I still fucking need them
And they keep reassuring me, that they won't leave, that they're always there
But I'm too weak to ask for their attention, too scared to make plans, too stupid to ask how they're doing
So I just lay here, paralyzed, alone, in that cage I've locked myself in, that I'm not letting those people in that I need by my side so badly, bleeding, smiling.

I fucked up.
Again.