word vomit

Fix Me.

Lines of insincerity filling my ears

Cringing at the sight of your fucking fake tears

Talking about how you're always there for me

how come you can't tell that I'm dying constantly

Every word means nothing

But every look means something

You think inflating my self esteem

Is saving me from overdosing on amphetamines

What you're really doing is rash

Gas-lighting me when I start to crash

No one asked you to try and fix me

Just so you could cloud my mind with your endless fuckery

Like who do you even think you are

Cuz every time I think you listened it's just ammunition, which always leaves me wishin' that maybe you actually cared

You don't actually care, if you did you'd try harder

but instead make it out to be like your some sort of martyr

That you tried your best and you needed a rest

because I'd become too much of a pest

Too much effort to fix, not enough return to risk

My depression was objectified by your insatiable need

to prove what you did was justified

You feigning concern managed to get me to churn

all the deepest parts of me that made me feel impure and dirty

I showed you everything

and instead gawked at my depression like it was your plaything

My depression was oppressed, beaten and harassed 

and your so quick to forget that I never even asked

I never wanted you to fix me

You were the one who wanted to fix me

I was stupid to believe you could, you tricked me

Because I wanted you to fix me