Night time thoughts

You.

You left after someone forced themselves on me. You left when I begged for them to stop and shoved them to stay untouched for you. When I got somewhere safe I told you, my heart racing while tears streamed from my face. you yelled. You destroyed my already crumbling mental health. You disappeared in a flurry of raised voices and angry fists. The night before, you said you loved me, I remember the way you talked about marrying me, full of love and care. I remember laughing with you, messing around, smiling. I remember all the good moments for a split second until the feeling of his hands wrap around my arms and the sound of your yelling voice fills my ears.
- 8 pm: take pills
- 9 pm: go to room
- 10 pm: say good night to friends
- 11 pm: sniffle while hating the feeling of my own fucking hands on my skin
- 12 am: scream silently while the world is falling asleep
- 1-6 am: stare at my ceiling of stars while recounting the memories you threw away
Why you left is truly a mystery...I can't understand. I don't think I ever will. I'm sad when I think about you. When I wake up from night mares at 8 in the morning I reach to call you before remembering you don't care. You said if you ever left you'd still be there for me. Then when you did you told me to never text you again.
The things you did to my heart are unforgivable. My family hates you. My friends hate you. I fucking hate you.
So if you think I'm broken without you remember when I told you I didn't need you, I wanted you. I want you deeply. But I will never take you back.
————————————————————————
   Sorry for any mistakes this was a bit of a quickly written angry and sadness fueled rant :)