Have you ever heard a song a couple times and enjoyed it, but then you hear it again and you think, "Man, this is the best song I've ever heard." You already knew it existed, but for some reason it really hits you that one time. So you think "I want to hear it again." and then you think you're only gonna play it once more, but you play it again. And again. And again. You fall in love with the beat. You fall in love with the rhythm. You fall in love with the lyrics and everything about it. You can't get enough of it. It's constantly in your head and all you want is that song.
I think that's what its like to fall in love. You know that one person for a while, but one day something about them catches you off guard. You start talking to them, which is like hitting play. And you wanna keep talking to them which is like hitting repeat. Then you fall in love with their eyes. You fall in love with their smile. You fall in love with their personality. You fall in love with everything about them. You can't get enough of them. They're constantly in your head and all you want is that person. I think falling in love is like discovering your favourite song.
Carter Allen is my favourite song. I love his chocolate brown eyes that seem to glow when the sun hits them just right. I love when the wind blows through his fiery ginger locks that compliment his eyes so well. Even the way his nose scrunches up when he laughs. I notice these things. I notice them because even though I'll never admit to it, I am completely and entirely in love with Carter Allen. I can't pinpoint exactly when it happened, it just sort of... did. But I don't regret it at all. Because he's always been my anchor. To the world, to myself. Anything worth sticking around for.
Walking to school is probably the best part of my school day, because I get to walk with him. Our conversations are never dull. It seems there's always something to talk about, except for when there isn't, but the silence is always comfortable. Like now for example. Carter and I are on our way to school, we ran out of things to talk about around three-quarters of the way. So now, we just walk, enjoying each other's company until we reach the campus.
A few months later, I asked Carter if he wanted to get coffee with me. He said yes. It was going really well, until he started talking about Adlyn James. I don't know much about her, I only have two classes with her. I couldn't help but be unsettled by the way he talked about her, it almost sounded like... no. That can't be it. Right?
Carter has a crush on Adlyn James. He didn't tell me outright, but I can tell in the way he talks about her. It's the same way I think about him. I don't want to lose him, so I don't say anything about it. It's only a matter of time before he asks her out. If I'm right and he does, I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. Carter and I have been best friends since we were eleven years old. But things are different now. We're older. And I have a "crush" on him, to put it loosely, but he likes Adlyn. I can't help but wonder. Why does he not reciprocate my feelings? Am I not good enough for him?
He asked her out. No, not me; Adlyn James. They had their first date last week. Carter told me he kissed her afterwards, before she went back to her house. I can't explain using words how absolutely shattered I was upon hearing this. But I'll try. When he said those words, my heart and stomach dropped in unison. My smile faltered. My world stopped, and my lungs constricted. I could feel the waterfall of tears coming almost instantly. But I built a dam, put on a smile, and acted excited and happy. For him.
I think falling in love is like discovering your favourite song. But the time always comes when that song, that nobody else liked or listened to at the time, suddenly gets popular. And your favourite song isn't yours anymore. You're forced to let it go, and watch other people talk about it, sing along to it, and fall in love with it. Exactly the same way you once did.
