Behind Doors(BNHA)

Behind Doors

Katsuki jolted up from his bed, a scream clogged on his throat, as tears spilled down his cheeks. His breathing was ragged and uneven. His heart feeling like it had been twacked by a stick. And his body was sweating profousely as his mind replayed the scene he saw in his dream.

Blood splattered empty sidewalk. Red matted locks. A lithe body laying limply on their side. A lone visible, lifeless emerald green eye staring back at him. Katsuki never once felt so disturbed that he had to fight back the urge to throw up. Rubbing the tears that still poured down his eyes, he swallowed down the bile that formed on his throat--cringing at the vile bitter taste--as he moved to blindly reach for his phone.

(Because, god damn it, he needs to make sure.)

His mind raced and his heart pounded. And Katsuki, for once, didn't know what to do. Staring blankly at the name in his contacts. The light blared against his eyes as he shakily drew a breath and pressed the call button. It ringed, and he waited.

Once. Twice. Thrice.(panic started to take root, and his breath started to hitch) The call picked up at the fourth time it ringed, the explosive blonde carefully brought the rectangular device to his ear. He pursed his lips, his mind flashing the haunting scene one more time that he had to cover his mouth to prevent choking out another pitiful sob.

(He's gone. Dead. Lifeless.)

"...H-hello?" A voice groggily called out from the other line. The blonde drew a breathe.

(Everything felt like a blur. His head feeling like it's stuffed with cotton. And every breath he drew just felt so painful.)

"Deku..." He murmured softly, wincing slightly at pitiful tone his voice carried out.

(Why is there so much blood?)

There was a pause, his face twisted slightly in worry as he waited for a response. Although he didn't doubt that the quirkless teen could've fallen back asleep--it is three in the morning-- and so moved to just end the call. He'll just converse about it later. Maybe.

But there was a faint shuffle, a soft thud followed by the sound of feet scrambling on wooden floor. Katsuki waited, squinting at his phone as it continued to count the time. The light harsh against his eyes as he waited for a sound to come through.

"K-kacchan!?" Frantic, confused, worried. The tone, the voice itself just felt so, so genuine. That it just simply made him want to choke. His body feeling weighed down with guilt as the scene kept on replaying on his mind. Over and over, and over, and over.

(Why didn't you save him?)

"Kacchan, are you okay? I-is there something wrong?" Concerned laced voice buzzed against Katsuki's ear. And he choked.

(Why did you failed?)

"I'm... I'm sorry..." His voice cracked, sounding more pitiful and lost. It wasn't his usual loud and gruff voice that he used to curse people after people. No matter the standing, no matter the time, no matter the place. Now, now his voice just sounds so broken.

(This Katsuki wasn't the kid who cursed after curse. This Katsuki wasn't the kid who aimed to be the no. 1 hero. This Katsuki wasn't the kid who everyone somewhat feared.)

The line on the other end paused as he continued to wail, and cry his heart out all the while continuing to murmur muffled and intelligible apologies. Because it just wasn't right.

It wasn't right.

That, that Deku--he just--urgh...

(This Katsuki was a kid who's just lost.)

Katsuki wanted to scream, to curse whatever god who made him dream--to make him watch as the life faded at what was supposed to be bright green eyes simply filled with determination. He was frustrated--not his usual frustration that make him want nothing more than just punch someone's face it, no. Katsuki felt helplessly frustrated. Because he didn't know what to do. Because seeing those green eyes(lifeless, dead, cold) staring up at him, it wasn't right. It just wasn't right. It wasn't right. It isn't right.

It just can't be.

And Izuku understood, he listened as the blonde continued to apologize and cry through the phone. Lips pursed thinly, and brows knitted together subtly as he sat on his bed. Staring at nothing. Because he knows. Because Katsuki had dreams like this before. Because this had happened before. Because this wasn't the first time Katsuki had come calling through the phone at the most ridiculous times after waking up from a horrible dream.

(The blonde never explained what he saw, and just kept on repeating that it was worse than before. And he doesn't want to know what would happen if he shuts his eyes again.)

Because despite of everything and anything. Katsuki was still his friend. And Izuku would always be there for him. Because no matter how many times the blonde had hurt him--physically or verbally--no matter how many times he threatened to kill him. Izuku knew he didn't mean any of them. It was just Katsuki's way of coping.

(Izuku's hand clenched on his shirt, biting his lip, as he tried not to sob. Tears falling down his lap, as he continued to listen to Katsuki's broken voice murmur apology after apology.)

Because pretending you didn't care is better than expressing it only for no one to understand. Because wearing the mask of a brave helps hide your true colors of being nothing more than a lost boy trying and failing to fight his fears. Because it was better to pretend you didn't know than to accept the cold, bitter and hard truth.

(He sniffed. Drawing a deep breath as the murmurs from the other end turned to desperate and tired sobs. He tipped his head to the side, pulling a smile on his lips, and he murmured.)

And Izuku understood, because...

(Underneath his bed, countless of papers ranging from new and old strewn messily on the floor. Blurred dark scribbles of something filled every torn page. Yet every single one said one thing.)

That's how he felt too.

("It's okay.")