Gundam Tanaka's alarm went off at 6:00 sharp. His eyes snapped open, and he swung his arm out, swatting the clock off of the nightstand. It dangled from it's cord, inches from the ground.
"A worthy foe. You shall live to do battle another day," he growled, as he ruefully rolled out of bed.
---
First came his dark gods. Before he even considered food for himself, he was pouring sunflower seeds into the food bowls and changing bedding. He absolutely hated confining his hamsters to a cage, but he had to at night. Maga-Z's fighting nature forced him to attack the electrical cords, and the cords often exploited his elemental weakness to lightning. Jum-P couldn't care less, though. He was always asleep. Tanaka shuffled to the sink to refill the water.
---
Next came the other animals. Gundham walked briskly out into the morning. Light peeked out from behind the trees. A fresh layer of dew rested on everything. He had eight animals in his care right now, not counting the hamsters. There was a hedgehog he was training for a pet store, and two boa constrictors he was breeding. The female was only a week pregnant. He wasn't ecstatic about working for a pet store; more often than not, these pets would be terribly mistreated. Thus he taught these animals to take care of themselves. First he took care of all the obedience issues, and gradually he transitioned into commands. Gundham taught them to whine if they needed food, water, or their bedding changed. Since the snakes obviously couldn't whine, they played dead. Normally, when an owner saw a 'dead' pet, they felt bad enough that they attended to all of their needs.
These snakes and that hedgehog had been in the store for a year and a half because they didn't get along with anyone and disobeyed commands. Now both of them would fall asleep in your arms. The hedgehog and the snakes were inside, so he would check on them later.
He also had three finches, but those were hardly a challenge. He expected he would have them in tip-top shape in about a week. Outside, there was a Labrador puppy he was working with for a wealthy socialite's daughter. He also had a cat, but he wasn't training that one anymore. She could already everything a properly trained cat should be able to do, and a little bit extra, as well. Now, all he had to do was wait for her owner to come back from her vacation in Switzerland. She mostly stayed inside, but today, she lounged on top of the feedbin.
"Rauschvelt, please move off," he said gently, motioning with his hand. She complied immediately. Her real name wasn't Rauschvelt, it was Miss Mittens, but he refused to call a beast of her astral level something as demeaning as that. He was going to miss her when her owner came back. He missed all of his animals once they left. In his room, he kept a poster board with a picture of every animal he ever trained on it. It was sad, but the more important fact was that all of his friends got to be remembered.
He sighed and lifted up the lid, and used the measuring cup to scoop out half a pound of seeds. Gundham moved over to the finch enclosure.
---
Gundham stared into the mirror. His black hair was messy and unkempt. He lifted up one of the white streaks and examined it.
"I'll have to dye it again soon," he murmured. He exhaled and clapped his hands together. Then he started to hum as he tried to tame the unruliest beast of all: his own head.
---
The only sound in the dark room was the click of the mouse as Gundham updated his Bubbly Breeding Blog. Of course, this was just a front for his dark arts information portal site, but it was important to keep it appearing as if it was a normal blog. This required rigorous updates for his legion of followers. All 32 of them.
There was a monotone chime as a new ask found its way into his inbox.
"Dear Dark Lord Gundham,
I really like how you phrase everything like you're a supervillian! It makes the whole blog more entertaining. Anyway, I was wondering, do you see yourself as more of a breeder or a trainer?"
Gundham paused for a moment, considering his answer. Then he began to type.
"I do not phrase things like I'm a supervillian, you mortal."
---
Gundham drove to school everyday. He lived way out in the country, so Hope's Peak was about forty-five minutes away. He could've taken a bus, but he wouldn't risk that. The poison in his body could infect any of the people he came in close contact with. He couldn't risk opening the nethersphere again. Anyway, he liked driving better. He got to see the sights. And the other drivers got to see HIS sights too: Gundham absolutely loved to show off his car. After Souda realized how petty his feud was with the breeder, he fixed up Gundham's old car for his birthday. Now, flames streaked the sides of his Honda, it went at least forty miles faster, and on the bumper, in glowing green letters, it read: MY OTHER CAR IS A TRANS-DIMENSIONAL DEMON TELEPORTER.
In return, Gundham bred and trained a new pet for him: a Rottweiler mix that loved to hang out in the garage. It wasn't exactly an equal trade; Souda did thousands of dollars of work on his car and Gundham had given him a dog that would have barely costed thirty dollars if he was bought at the pet store. Gundham suspected the work wasn't just to make up for fighting with him, though. Souda was trying desperately to get back into Sonia's good graces. It had worked. Now the three were always together.
A text buzzed on his phone as if to prove his point. It was from a group conversation with himself, Sonia, and Souda. Maga-Z wormed his way out of Gundham's scarf and stared at the glowing IPhone.
She-cat: Souda, I do not recommend going through with your plan to ask out Owari.
Mechanical One: aw bby u jealous? Its k u will always b my first love
She-cat: *baby *you *it's *okay *be
She-cat: Also, no, I am not jealous. I merely think it is a bad idea because Nidai will become angry with you.
Mechanical One: hey if he tries 2 stop love that's his problem
Sonia: *to
Gundham sighed. Their texts were always like this. Souda tried something stupid, and Sonia told him no while correcting his terrible grammar. She often liked to say, "I haven't gone through three years of Japanese just to watch others mock the language." At this point in time, he had to agree. He picked up his phone to text them back, occasionally looking back at the road.
Dark Lord: Fool, do not attempt to
There was a loud crash, and something smashed against the windshield. Spiderweb cracks raced across the glass. The object came to rest on the car's hood.
Slowly, Gundham uncovered his eyes. He started to feel around in his scarf, searching for the Dark Lords of Destruction.
"Please be okay," he whimpered. Finally he found all four of them, with no injuries. Jum-p hadn't even woken up. After letting out a sigh of relief, he began to assess his situation. There was no way that he was going to make it to school on time.. What even happened? What had he even run into?
The object on the hood started to shake. Gundham stared at it with anticipation.
A long, slender neck lifted up. It started to bleat miserably.
Gundham Tanaka had run into a deer.
He felt the overwhelming urge to help it.
