Reunited

Nat's P.O.V 

I slowly open my eyes, the lack of light makes it easier, but I still have no idea where I am. Taking my time, I sit up out of the water, trying to gather my bearings. I should be in the stone, isn't that what is supposed to happen when I sacrificed myself to the stone? Still in the water, I sit in confusion, trying to piece together why I'm here and not in the stone. Well, enough sitting around, I tell myself. I need to get out of here, and back to Earth, back to my family, to Steve...

Finally standing up, I check myself over, I still have my black widow suit on, and I still have the quantum suit and one more Pym Particle, that means I only have one jump left... Thank god they weren't damaged in the fall. I have to make this count, make the right jump. Walking around, I can clearly see that Vormir is a beautiful planet, if not for the stone. It has potential, like what Clint saw in me. I press on the device that Tony made us all, activating my quantum suit.

My heart rate increases like it does every time. I don't know why this makes me nervous, it shouldn't, I've been through so much, with the Red Room, and with S.H.I.E.L.D. when it fell, but nevertheless I try to punch in the time and place to my arc reactor, the year 2023. My hands are slightly shaking, it makes it difficult to punch in the return destination.

When all is said and don, I press the reactor and wait to be sucked into the quantum realm; but it never comes. In an instant, I sink back to the ground where all of my training is forgotten and a swirl of emotions overtake me. Confusion, pain, fear, panic, despair, only a few times in my life have I ever felt fear, but this time is the most concerning. What could've happened? Why am I still here? How will I get back? Will I die here, again? Why didn't I just stay dead? "I WAS OKAY WITH MY CHOICE, I WAS AT PEACE WITH IT!" I scream to the sky, tears threatening to still out of my eyes.

Does my return mean that my sacrifice wasn't enough? Did this mean that my family fail in trying to bring back everyone? What is this feeling? Why do I feel like I can't breathe? My vision gets spotty and I can't see anything, my lungs and throat can't get enough air, it feels like the Red Room, but worse because there isn't anyone inflicting this pain but myself, I'm completely out of control... All of my years of training is failing me.

Damn it Nat, get your shit together, you are Natalia Alianovna Romanova, you are THE Black Widow, Avenger and Red Room survivor, what the hell are you doing here, having a damn panic attack? I give myself a small pep talk, tell myself to get my shit together and get over my feelings. I need to get home, and clearly there's been a malfunction with Tony's tech. God, he'll love hearing that... So clearly I can't use the suit to get home, that's out of the question. God I need a break... I decide to go for a run, that'll clear my head. I go through an intense workout routine to help me clear my head and get back in the zone so I can figure this out.

I begin to walk back to the mountain, maybe I can question Red Skull what the hell is happening to make sense of things. Walking to the entrance gives me deja vu, I remember everything that happened, Clint trying and failing to sacrifice himself for me to get the stone, me falling, feeling at peace. I still feel the looming dread as I continue walking, so different from the hope I felt when Clint and I first got to the planet, with the vision of bringing everyone back. Such naive fools we were, coming to this place and thinking that both of us would make it back in one piece, alive...

Making it to the mountain, I see that Red Skull is waiting, guarding, a look of pure shock crosses his face but is gone as quickly as it was there. "What the hell happened? I don't understand..." I ask quietly but sternly, the confusion apparent. "I have no answers here for you, Natalia, daughter of Ivan." He tells me. I feel angry, I want to scream and demand he tells me, but I know that won't work. But I see something shift in his face, he definitely knows something. "Please, I just need to know, did they win? Did my family succeed in bringing back the Vanished?" I question him, trying to hold back tears which threaten to spill. "Yes." Is the only word he says in reply, I sink to my knees and let out a sign of relief, my head pointing to the sky. "I always knew they would," A peaceful smile spreads on my face. "I'm ready now, I have peace, I'm ready." I tell the Red Skull. "Natalia I don't think you understand, if the stone had decided to take you, you would not be here." He tells me.

...

I've been walking around Vormir for several hours, or so what I think to be several hours, it's as though there's always light here, thinking about what Red Skull told me. "If the stone had decided to take you, you would not be here..." These words keep replaying in my head, over and over, on a loop. Why am I still here? Why could the stone possibly not take me? I guess I just have one of those personalities. I smirk at that.

How long have I been here? I have no sense of time, I'm assuming the days are longer or there is no darkness here. That would make sense if there was no darkness, the stone could be a potential light source in the atmosphere. The more I think about it, the more my brain hurts though, so I try to distract myself by thinking about other things. Steve, god I wish I could see him right now, be in one of his bear hugs... Thinking about Steve is nice, but then I think about how he must have felt when everyone got back from the mission and I wasn't with Clint, god the look on his face...

Tears peak out and try to fall, and this time they succeed, I'm all alone so I can cry freely. While in the Red Room, they teach me and the other girls to never show emotion. Emotion is a weakness that can be exploited, so feelings are to be shown when alone. I cry for Steve, and for Clint, and how he must have felt after I fell and on the way back. Those suckers better have gotten back to the mission instead of moping around for me, I think to myself. At least they got the mission done. God Nat, stop crying, that's what sensitive girls do, not badass assassins.

I've been on this insufferable planet for about two days now since I've woken up. It's been difficult to tell since the sun, or stone, doesn't move, but I'm assuming its been about two days. In those two days, I haven't come any closer to finding a way to get home than when I first woke up; I feel like I'm losing my mind here, there's nothing for me to do other than work out, but even then, I'm so used to it that working out has just become a mindless task I perform. On the bright side, my body is in amazing shape since there's nothing to do but exercise and think.

...

It's on the third day that I'm awoken to a bright light. I open my eyes to see an orange circle about half a mile away from me. The hell is that? It confuses me, but needless to say I still get up to go check it out. It's when I'm walking towards the orange that I hear voices. Could my mind just be teasing me? Taunting me with the voices of those whom I love? But just before I reach the orange spiral, my heart stops, and someone whom I never thought I would see again steps through.

I can't believe what I'm seeing right now. "Steve!" I yell out, at the same time he turns around, shock written all over his face. By this point I'm running full speed at him, crashing into the man who I've grown impossibly close to in the past 7 years. I release a breath at the feeling of human contact, I didn't realize how much I'd missed contact with people. "Oh my god, Steve. I never thought I would see you again!" I say, my voice cracking at this point. He's frozen for a moment before he lets himself wrap around my torso and spin me around.

When Steve finally sets me down, we're still embracing one another. The two of us stand like that for what seems like an eternity. I feel him shaking and I think he's laughing, but then I realize that it's me, and that I'm crying, we both are. I pull away my face from his neck and bring my hand to his face, we're close. I smile at him "God Steve, you look terrible." I say with a teary smile on my face and he releases a small laugh.

We stare at each other for a minute, taking in all of the details. I can't tell who moves first but next thing I know, we're kissing, God I missed this, I missed Steve. Just like the last time, all those years ago, his lips are soft, exactly how I remembered them. The kiss is soft, like if we press too hard, the other will disappear. It feels nice to let go, freeing. There's so many pent up emotions being let out that even though the kiss is soft, it has so much more meaning that that. "Oh, get a room, will you already." I hear Sam say through the portal, I flip him the bird, chuckling a bit into the kiss. We finally break away from the kiss and just go back to staring at the other. He then says to me "Let's go home, Nat" in a soft, endearing tone and I can tell that this kiss has changed everything, and for the better.

I've been reunited with the man I've told myself for so long that I didn't love.