Short Storys

Please stop putting things in my microwave.

Disclaimer- For a reference gumtree is like an off brand eBay, never used it but the wacky stories I've heard about it left an impression.

    I walked into my shared apartment after an exhausting day of work, you'd think a book store would have less a******s but you'd be wrong, I walked in dropping my keys onto the hook by the door.

    Slugging to the fridge I opened it pulling out some leftover macaroni n' cheese from earlier in the week. Looking for the microwave I noticed ours had been replaced, probably for the best the handle fell off a month ago.  'Sweet guess my roommate changed it out I'll thank them later' I mentally noted. Sticking the container in and pressing out 30 seconds.

    The timer beeped after a few popping noises, I tugged in the door going to grab my food stopping short, staring. I rubbed my eyes, how tired was I exactly? "Welp I'm gonna go question my existence now." I said to myself. 'Screw my hunger I was hallucinating and needed some f*****g rest apparently.'

    "Owww, What the fuzz!" My roommate exclaimed. "Oooor I could go to the source I guess." I said to myself, I should really stop doing that. "Sam, the microwave ate my..." I cut off seeing Sam covered in macaroni.

    Sam looked at me in shock "didn't you read the note on the fridge you Dingus?!" I stared at him "How are you not freaking out, is this normal, what's happening?!" I started to rapid fire. They sighed "if you ever read my notes you'd understand." He grumbled moving out of bed pulling off the macaroni pieces flicking them into the trash can.

    "What are you talking about?!" I pushed by hand through my hair starting to file through my sanity. "I bought a new microwave." They deadpanned. "Yeah, I guessed that one Sherlock." I looked to him.

    They roll their eyes "I meant it came with some extra features." "Where did you even get that thing." I asked exasperated. "Gumtree, duh." They said. I took a breath "Yeah that's fair." I massaged my growing headache.

    "I mean, do you want to know the extras?" They asked empathetically. "There's more than the teleportation?" I asked unbelieving. "Most of it stems off the teleportation but yeah." They say shrugging it off.

    "Alright let's hear it." I said surprisingly calm. They look at me "okay so first there are knobs on the back so you can set coordinates for where the food gets popped off, that's why I didn't want to use it until I fine tuned that for obvious reasons." They motioned to their hair with Mac n' cheese pieces still present.

    "So my food could end up in a wall?" I asked.
"I mean if your into the whole questing for you food thing, possibly?" They say shrugging their shoulders. "Why the f**k did you buy this?" I questioned. "Its gumtree you'll find weird crap you didn't think you needed with weird story's to spare." They said smiling to themselves.

    "I'm afraid to ask what else it can do." I mumbled. "Oh right!" They said "It can also generate pets like-" I stopped him right there "NOPE NOPE NOPE..." my words faded as I went into my room and flung myself on the bed hoping that the house wouldn't be filled with cats by the time I woke up for work in the morning hearing one last thing from my room mate before going to bed "Just please, stop putting things in my microwave."