Life in Search ✔️

31 ~ Secret

Eight drinks later I'm regretting my decision.

Alcohol has never bothered me this much, but I'm also drinking on an empty stomach. I scroll through my phone, reading all her text messages.

Sweetheart
Please come back
Or answer your phone
Or text me
Ashton please
I promise I can explain, just give me a chance

There a bunch more just like them, all sent the day it happened. There's one message from the next day

Sweetheart
I'm sorry, Ash

I down another drink, clicking on her contact photo. It was one I snuck of her in class mid laugh. Her eyes bright, the wrinkles from stress hidden by her smile.

She's beautiful.

I can't talk to her.

I begin to cry, the tears taking me by surprise as they land on my screen. I don't know how long I sit there, oblivious to the world around me while I mope. Gabe runs over, throwing an arm over my shoulder.

"Hey, big guy, why don't we go inside?" I don't fight him as he leads me through the house and into a bathroom, kicking out a couple mid make-out session.

He sets me down on the toilet, handing me a wad of toilet paper. It's his own party and he's not even drunk. What kind of host is he?

"How much did you have to drink tonight?"

I blow my nose, "Enough."

He snorts, "Apparently enough is too much." I ignore him, scrolling back through my phone. I'm about to press call when he snatches my phone from me. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" 

I try to reach for my phone but the room spins, making me feel sick. "I'm... calling Scarlett." I try again for the phone, almost falling off the toilet.

"And why the actual fuck would I let you do that?" He puts my phone it in his pocket.

"Because..." I point a finger at him only to aim at a wall instead. I readjust my position. "Because I love her, and she needs to know."

I have to tell her.

Gabe slams the door shut, I start crying harder. Why won't he let me call her?

"I want Scarlett." I whimper, hugging my shoulders.

"Okay." Gabe says, rubbing his face. "I'm gonna go get Sage but you have to promise me, any and all talk about love will not come from your mouth."

I nod my head vigorously, I'll do anything.

He leaves, dragging a guy into the bathroom seconds later. "Watch him."

I laugh at the funny look on his face.

"So you love her?" he asks, looking amused, I blink at him. I think his name's Zev or Zen, I don't remember.

I search the small space for any listeners, "Yes, but it has to be our secret, Mr. Bossypants said so."

My friend laughs, pulling his phone out to take a picture of me. That gives me an idea, "Can I borrow your phone."

He keeps in in place, "Nice try but no."

"Whyyyyyy?" I cry, wiping away the new tears from my face. "I just want to hear her voice."

Sage throws the door open, taking in me and Zev before pushing his phone down with a groan.

"Really, man?" Zev just shrugs, "Send it to me please."

I wonder if Sage has his phone but then I remember he can't hear my secret. I eye him warily, he can take me to Scarlett though.