"Wow Lilly that was prefect! I think after seeing that you're done for the day see you next week." Mrs. Norblock said as I'd finished my routine for next month dance recital.I thanked her and I grab my keys and left.
Perfect I thought to myself a word I use to love to hear now it seems like a word covered in black and gray. It was that word that almost cost me my happiness.
It was on Thursday morning when my life fell apart. "Lilly hurry up I need to get into the bathroom to, you know!" My twin brother Drew said to me as I had just finished braiding my hair. The bathroom was a connected jack and Jill bathroom with two sinks a carpeted floor with and a door that lead to the tiled floor bath, shower and toilet.
I opened the door to see him with his towel in his hand with an angry look. Drew was five, eleven with cocoa skin and curly hair. " How do I look " I asked. He rolled his eyes light brown eyes and pushed me out the bathroom slamming the door closed.
I walked into my room and stood in front of the mirror. My room was rose gold and black themed room with a full sized bed in the middle, a vanity on the left side next to my closet and a TV on the right side above the pile of dance clothes I needed to put away. I saw a five, four girl with dark brown skin and curly thick braided hair. My eyes were the color of cocoa beans and my teeth were bright and white. My clothes looked perfect statementing my body amazingly. I was perfect and ready to go to school. Once Drew was done in the bathroom, we were off.
Drew pulled into a parking spot next to the school and I smiled, knowing it was going to be a good day. "See you in class" I yelled as I raced off to my locker.The school was old, you could tell that by looking at it. The walls were not so white anymore and the locker looked like they've seen better times but, someone I loved it. Once I turned down the hall I saw the three best people in the world Amber and Rose my two best friends and Chase my boyfriend. Amber was five, eleven with a dark chocolate complexion with hair so thick you could lose your hands in it. Rose was five, eight with golden skin and long curly hair like noodles. Then there was Chase with who was six foot and fair skinned.
"Good morning girls " I told them with a hug. "Morning Girl! What's the plan for lunch" Rose asked. Unlike most schools, we were aloud to go off campus for lunch. We normally plan where we are going in the mornings so everyone would know. "I have no idea I hadn't even thought about it you guys choose and text me". They nodded and walked to their classes.
I turned to Chase, who was wearing an expression that made me know something bad was going to happen. "Good Morning Hun! whats up?" I asked as I reached for his hand which he didn't take. "I think we should break up." He stated looking away " I found someone else that is perfect for me and I just don't see myself with you anymore." I was shook I didn't know how to react so I didn't I turned around and walked to my first class that we shared.
When I walked in I saw Drew and went to sit next to him. "Umm what are you doing?" he asked "I can't sit next to my brother?" I asked in a broken tone. "Well normal sis you sit next to your boy..." before he could finish Chase walked in with some girl I've never seen in my life wrapped around his arm. "Ooh" is all Drew could say.
Throughout the lesson, all I could think about was what did she have that I didn't. She was a fair skinned girl with long skinny leg and long straight brown hair, but, somehow she was perfect for Chase. I felt like I was ghost for the rest of school and during lunch. When school was over it felt like I wasn't even there. Once I got home, I change for dance class then look at myself and thought what is the perfect girl and why wasn't I it.
I always go to dance thirty minutes before so I can work on things, but today I was there so I could dance to feel free. The Dance studio was my home away from home and I spent a lot of my time here. I'd been dancing here since I was four and I have grown to love it. When Mrs. Norblock, my instructor, walked in she said "Good evening class we have a new student joining us her name is Megan".
I looked up to see the boyfriend stealer herself. " We have been working on the solo part in a new dance so, fit in where you fit in, and let's get this class started." Megan walked to the back with me staring daggers and we began. "Five and six five is seven, eight" we dance until our legs gave out.
After an hour and forty five minutes class ended. "These two people stay back Megan and Lily stay back" Mrs Norblock said. Once everyone was gone she said "Wow Megan I didn't think you'd catch on so fast, but you did and I think you'd be a perfect match for the solo part. Then she turned to me "Lilly you can be her understudy. That's all see you guys tomorrow." I grabbed my things and ran to my car mumbling "perfect this Megan prefect Megan that. Why can't I be perfect why am I always second best. Maybe it's because she skinny."
In the car, I looked at my phone to see I had twelve text message from my best friend group chat. Amber say "she would kill him for me and Rose saying he was a horrible person anyways". I laughed for the first time all day and went home did my homework and fell asleep.
"Lilly we are going to be late get out of bed." Drew yelled. I woke up with my chest pounding as looked at the time . I had fifteen minutes to get ready. My normal morning routine took an hour and a half. I grabbed some clothes and rushed into the bathroom. I took a shower, put my clothes on, brushed my teeth, then, busted back through the bathroom door. I looked in the mirror and almost screamed. I looked bad like I got run over by a car. I didn't get much sleep because I was stressed and my eyes showed it. My clothes didn't look right to me like I'd put on a few pounds overnight. My curves seemed to curve and my thighs look huge.
Drew came in "I don't know why you can't get ready in fifteen minutes everyday. Let's go." I stared at him "I have to change" he rolled his eyes and said "you look fine. Lets go" I turned to him and almost yelled " I don't want to look fine, Drew I want to look perfect" the closed the door on his face. " I'll give you five more minutes, then I'm leaving".
The car ride was tense. I normally don't yell at Drew and I felt really bad, but, one thing that has been bothering me the most is, I did know why I yelled at him. I mean I was mad my not at him.
Drew reached over and opened his glove department "Here," he said, handing me a banana "you didn't eat dinner last night and you can't learn on an empty stomach". I didn't say anything so he placed it on my lap. " I don't know what's going on with you, but, if it's because of your ex-boyfriend he wasn't worth your time ." Then we drove off to school.
It was lunch time and we were at Benny's subs, which was a sandwich shop across the street from our high school. "We should go to the natural hair show this weekend." Rose said enthusiastically." Oh my gosh yes we should." Amber yelled. "Sure" I mumbled, looking down and my untouched meatball sub. They looked at each other and Rose said "are you doing ok since the break up." I smiled and said "Im doing just fine". The school day went by fast and I was in dance class. My head was pounding ,from my lack of food, but that has never stopped me from dancing before and it wasn't going to now. I shadow Megan in the solo dance and class ends. I get home I drank some water and then fell asleep.
On Saturday Morning, my alarm goes off and I get ready for then Natural hair show. Once were there we look around at the hair products. "Black girls rock fashion show is about to begin. Head near the food stalls if you want to see some girls that know they rock." Someone said over the intercom. We all looked at each other, smiled and walked over to get our seats. We watched these girls strut the stage , what I notice was they were all different and beautiful.
When the last girl came out she said "Damaged in your eyes may be perfection in another, know who you are and that you're worth it. Love your curves and love your curls because that make you a black girl that rocks." That's when it hit me clear as day. This whole week I'd been comparing myself to someone and I'm beautiful just the way I am. I don't need anyone to tell me I'm perfect because God created me in his image and I am beautiful the way I am.
