The rantings of a single, depressed, anxiety-ridden, bisexual, teenage girl

Me and my terrible, heart-broken habits

Yeah...

So...

I'm bi. And I happen to fall for all of the wrong people.

When I was 12, i fell for a guy. He was three years older than me and we dated for a couple months. He then said, he felt nothing for me anymore and walked away from our relationship.

I stayed in contact with his sister though, and over time grew closer and then started dating. We ended up staying together for almost 1 year until I found out she was cheating on me. She was my first female girlfriend and my introduction to that new part of me.

I'm now 16 and single and happen to fall for all the wrong people.

In my junior year of high school, I ended up growing close with one of my best friends, Nathan. He was an amazing guy with amazing sense of humor and was everything I really kind of wanted in a partner...

Except for the fact that he's asexual...

I actually ended up confessing to him anyway though. He, of course, said that he held no interest, but he's still a close friend of mine. And I'm glad, and was able t o get over him now.

But...

Now currently, I'm only a month away from being 17 and starting up my final year of high school, and...

I have a crush on my best friend. She is such an amazing person, and literally everything I've ever wanted. She is just so amazing, but...

She's straight.

And has a boyfriend.

She loves Sam Smith.

And so many of his songs lie too true with me.

Like I can.

Not in that way.

Leave your lover.

I've told you now.

I love her so much, and she will never know because I refuse to destroy what is my favorite relationship and a reason I'm so sane and not drowning in my depression.

I love you, Jocelyn.

But, I too often fall for the wrong people.