Blurred Childhood

Just Me

I kept staring at Mom. What... what on earth was that? Is that what happens when people die? Then again, I've never seen anyone die, but-

"Wait!" I leapt up and turned to the heart monitor. Flat. Mom was gone. I felt my stomach knot, and I thought I was going to pass out. Mom was gone. Just like that. My heart had sped up. I felt sick. What's going to happen now? I heard footsteps running down the hall. The door swung open behind me and slammed into the wall, making me jump. A bunch of doctors ushered me out of the room and told me to not move. So that's what I did. I stood in front of the door, shaking, keeping from crying.

"Michael, what are you doing?" I heard someone from the end of the hall shout. I turned to see Dad and Terry running over to me.

"Michael, what happened?" Terry asked, sliding down to his knees and taking hold of my shoulders. "What's going on?" I tried to get words out, but I was worried that if I started talking, I would start crying. "Hey, it's okay. Chill out." Terry put his arm around me and kept me steady while Dad tried to get into the hospital room.

I sunk to the ground and Terry followed, still holding onto me. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want him to. I really needed human contact at this point.

I'd heard about dead people, I'd spoken to dead people, hell, I've even seen them! But I've never seen someone die before. Much less someone I've grown to care about. I've only known Mom for a few months. And now I'll never see her again. She was half dead when I saw her, anyway.

Dying. I wonder what that feels like.

I should know, but... I don't remember. I don't know anything at this point.

"Do you two want to see her?" Dad's unusually broken voice above Terry and I asked.

"Yeah, hold on," Terry whispered, letting go of me and standing up. I stayed curled up on the floor, not wanting to move.

"Are you sure, Michael?"

I nodded. Seeing her die was enough.

After a minute, I heard Dad and Terry talking somewhere next to me, but I didn't care. I just wanted to go home at this point. They must've figured that out, because in another second, I felt a hand on my shoulder and heard Dad's voice telling me to stand up. So I did, and we left.

Dad said his car was wrecked beyond repair, so we had to walk home. As long as we left at all. I was already sick of the hospital and doctors and the smell of antiseptic. Fresh air felt good.

Terry and I started walking home without Dad, because he had to fill out some paperwork, or, that's what he said.

The sun had fallen behind the horizon at this point, but it was still light enough to see. I heard Terry start crying. I had wiped myself out already, so crying was the least of my problems.

"You saw it?" Terry unexpectedly asked.

"Huh?"

"Mom dying. You saw it?"

"Yeah," I said. "Well, I didn't see much, I just heard the heart monitor go off. And I thought she had started glowing or something, but I might've been hallucinating."

"Hm." Terry didn't question what I said about the glowing. That was probably the least of his problems.

"I wonder what's gonna happen," I thought out loud to myself.

"I don't know," Terry absentmindedly responded. "I don't know at all." I took his hand and he didn't object.

"The sky looks nice," I said, not sure why. Just making an observation, I guess.

"Still getting used to it?" Terry chuckled.

"Maybe. It's pretty."

"Yeah. It really is."

We made it home before our vision was entirely impaired, which made me worry about Dad somewhat.

"I think Dad will be fine," Terry had said before retreating to his room. I tried to follow him, but he slammed the door on me. The sound of sobs followed soon after. I decided to leave him be and go to my own room.

Leaving the lights off and locking the door, I crawled into bed and curled into a ball. I started shaking again. It felt like something bad just happened, which, granted, it did, but it almost didn't feel real. The day went by too fast.

I could still hear Terry crying in his room. There was someone else crying in the house too, but I thought it was just me hallucinating. Or maybe it was just some spirit. Come to think of it, I haven't heard any ghost voices in a while. I wonder why.

I had been snapped out of my thoughts by the sound of the front door opening and closing, and something in me wanted to go see Dad. But I didn't. I just stayed in bed.

After a minute, Dad did come to my room and knocked on the door.

"Hey, Michael, are you alright in there?" He asked. I stayed silent. Dad knocked again.

"Leave me alone," I managed to get out. Dad didn't say anything, so I assumed he had left.

"Sorry, kid."

"I said leave me alone!" I cried, leaping up and turning around. There was no one there. I had assumed it was Dad at first, but now I'm not sure it was. The voice sounded too different.

"Sorry," I said out loud. "I thought you were my dad." They didn't say anything else. But I did hear a little girl's laugh. Liz?

Who knows. I don't. I'm not sure what I know.

I'm expected to know what happened when I died. When I was gone for a year with Dad doing God knows what. Maybe ask someone who...

"Oh!" I shouted, leaping out of bed. Terry was alive the whole time. I ran to his room and frantically knocked on his door until he opened it.

"What do you want?" He asked. He looked angry.

"You were there! You tell me what happened when I died!" I demanded.

"Can I mourn the death of my mother and tell you in the morning?" He asked.

"So you know!" I cried. "Please, tell me!" Terry rolled his eyes.

"Let me sleep this off," He said.

"Oh, come on!" I begged.

"Are you okay? Do you have any idea what just happened in your life?"

"Yes!" I responded. "But I was thinking and had an idea and thought you could help me." Terry rolled his eyes again.

"Tomorrow." And he shut the door.

"Fine!" I shouted. I sounded mad, but I didn't feel it. I was excited.

Wow. My emotions are really all in the wrong place. Maybe I should go to bed and sleep this off. I tried, but soon enough my mind wandered to that glowing. I still have no idea what that was. Do people glow when they die? They probably don't glow when they're dead, because I've seen dead people, and they don't glow. They've just tried to hurt me.

Is the glowing a representation of life, like when they die they're life is gone and everything is dark and colorless and dull?

Jesus Christ, Michael. Go to sleep.

So I did.