Together- A Byler Fanfic.

Feelings

It's strange, so strange.

To Will Byers, it is terrifying how easily his feelings sway. Not in the way that he feels the urge to dream about any of the girls in his classes, in the school in fact. It feels odd. Perhaps, if it was his friends talking about other people than girls, he might have obliged- offered his thoughts, but since they only seem to be interested in girls: how they act, their faces, the way they walk and their interests, Will stays silent.

It's not that he's immature, a "late bloomer" or anything. Will just isn't interested in girls the way his friends are. He's danced with a girl, of course, a pretty one at that. He just feels more when he looks at a picture of Ralph Macchio in Max's girly magazines then he does when locking eye contact with a girl. His heart flutters when looking at the tall, strong boys at school. His heart beats a tad too quickly whenever he's with Mike, especially since Mike? Mike makes him feel safe, loved and real.

That's why, when Joyce asks him about who he likes, he answers slowly, hesitantly. An answer that won't tell her about how he's truly feeling, or how he wants to feel.

"I- I'm not going to fall in love."

Joyce had chuckled lightly, apparently satisfied with Will's answer.

Will, however, isn't satisfied.

He dwells on his feelings whenever he has the chance: confused and worried. He doesn't want to kiss a girl ever, let alone marry them. He knows that one or two have feelings for him, he's seen the way they stare softly at him, with sweet smiles but he couldn't be less interested. No-- he's more interested in the boys. He likes the way they look, the way they laugh and jostle along with each other. He has a hate-love relationship with the fact that he likes how attractive they are, how much he'd like to maybe, just maybe, kiss one of them. He knows that he likes Mike, but after all, they are best friends. It would be stupid if he didn't like him.

He just didn't like him the way his friends thought.

He couldn't help staring at the dark-haired boy, who he thought was beautiful. He thinks that Mike's freckles, which Mike hates so much, are pretty, like a night filled with stars. He's even thought, fantasised about holding onto him a little longer, Mike stooping down to Will's height, and pressing their lips together.

He feels disgusted at himself for thinking it. He feels predatory and perverted, dreaming about his best friend. It's not as though he isn't constantly called crude words and slurs at school, but he's used to those. This-- this is something Will can't forget or push to the back of his mind. It's so fucking hopeless as well because he knows Mike would never come close to having the same feelings as him. Even if he and El had broken up for the second and last time (something Will was secretly happy about) he knew Mike wasn't interested in guys, like him and well, he didn't want to push it. What with finally bonding with El as Jonathan moved out, he had grown to trust and love his step-sister and didn't want to ruin their relationship. He was glad when they had moved back to Hawkins, though the place had been a nightmare for him for years, back to Lucas and Dustin, Max, and Mike.

He also regrets it.

He regrets it because every time he looks at Mike for a little too long, thinks about him a bit too much, disappointment sinks across him and the ugly feelings come back all too quickly. He lays in bed at night in the quiet warmth and wills for the feelings to leave and when they don't, he begins to cry. Not wracking, shuddery sobs but miserable and silent tears, that flow hotly on his cheeks and leave damp puddles. El sleeps next to him, dreamy and content, oblivious to the troubles her step-brother is dealing with.

Except for one particularly miserable night, he lets out a loud and shaky breath, which almost immediately stirs El awake. Will gulps quietly, hoping that El didn't hear anything. Unfortunately for him, El rubs her eyes sleepily and blinks at Will, spotting his teary eyes.

"Will?" she whispers into the night. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Will attempts to brush her off, but he hasn't done a good job in hiding his sadness, because he shudders and chokes a little. Eleven pats his back gently, propping him up against the bed frame, wondering when they would get separate beds, or when the house would finally be in order.

She looks at him with big eyes, clearly concerned. "I know you aren't okay, Will," she says firmly. Will had given up on pretending that he was fine, because he burst into tears, shaky and hoarse. El reaches across the bed to their tiny bedside table and flicks a mini flashlight on as she bundled Will under the covers holding the flashlight so it illuminated the tears still running down his face. She pats his hand gently and lets him cry until he no longer can.

"You need to tell me what's going on Will," she whispers. "You can't keep bottling it up. What's happened? Are people being extra mean at school? Is Joyce ok? You can tell me, you know."

"I don't know how t-to say it," he stutters, still shaking.

"Just say it as best you can. I've been doing that for the past 3 years!" she grins lightly. "It's gonna be alright."

Will takes a long, shuddering breath and attempts to calm down."I- I like boys."

Despite being scared and confused out of his wits, it feels good to say it out loud, to say it with a certain clarity. El looks at him, expressionless.

"Ok." She says, "I know some people don't like it when boys like each other, but what's wrong with it?"

Will sniffles. "That's not the worst part," he mutters. "You wanna know why I was crying?"El nods.

"I have a crush type thing on Mike," he mumbles. "he's just so... pretty and I feel so safe with him around and sometimes I think I'd y' know... maybe like to kiss him but that'll never happen because Mike is straight and he would be so disgusted if he even found out that I liked him and I didn't want to tell you because I thought it would ruin our friendship and you would think that-"

El interrupts him mid ramble, reaching out for his hand.

"Don't be ridiculous, Will," she scoffs. "I hate to point out the obvious, but Mike could never, ever hate you, whatever you did. He wouldn't break your friendship like that."Will, who had finally calmed down, spoke in a low tone.

"El," he said. "Promise me-- promise me you won't tell Mike, or mom or anyone. I need more time."

El pats his back gently. "Don't worry," she says gently. "Your secret is safe with me and if you ever want to talk about it? I'm here."

Will wipes away rogue tears. "You aren't mad at me for having a crush on your ex-boyfriend or anything?"

El smiles. "No, you idiot. Well maybe I was a little at first, but who cares. I'm just glad I woke up and you told me everything."

Slowly, Will drifts into sleep again, aided by the gentle lull of El holding his hand firmly, keeping him safe and sound. Admittedly it's been a bit cramped in a small bed until El's is set up but right now, he's glad, so very glad that his sister is right beside him, ready to love and support him no matter what.

For probably the first time in a few weeks, he can sleep properly, with dry cheeks and a content demeanour.

He'll get through this, and it means the world that El can help him.

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A/N : Hey all! If you got up to this part, thank you! I hope you enjoyed it. I don't know when I'll be updating next but until then, I will be busily writing. ✨