Denying Dylan | ✔️

(11) "Don't apologise,"

Ice cold January wind whips past me while I stand on Allie's small balcony. Her apartment floor is six stories up and I watch the rushing traffic below, wrapped in a throw while I lean on the iron railing. Specks of white snow from an earlier fall begin to melt on the potted plants and the wooden bench seat.

My cheek still stings from the slap I'd received an hour ago. The harsh chill seems to emphasise the pain. Like a white hot sting. The same way you might feel the pain of a filling when biting into an ice cream. It's impossible to ignore and though the physical pain is bad, the emotional is worse.

My own father slapped me across the face. A brutal slap. One that made me stumble backward and left a large red welt. I knew that he didn't like me. I knew that we'd never have that father daughter friendship that I'd seen in other families and quietly longed for. But I never thought he would hurt me like that.

My phone buzzes for the millionth time in the last three days. With cold finger tips, I illuminate the home screen and see a message from Dylan. As well as my wallpaper. The two of us, heads together, tongues out while we stand in front of a Captain Marvel cutout at the movie theatre. We'd gone to the premier. The red carpet one where the celebs walked and took photos and watched it with the audience.

Dylan loves Brie Larson.

Bea please. I can't handle the silent treatment. I don't even know what I did. I mean, I think I know what this is about but I can't know for sure unless we talk. Please, Bea. Just a conversation. Even over the phone. I fucking miss you so much. It's killing me.

My hands tremble as I read the text over and over again. I miss him too. It's killing me as well. Dylan is the one that I wanted to go to as soon as Megan dragged me out of my apartment. He was the one that I wanted to curl up beside. I wanted to let him hug all of the pain away and stroke my hair and tell me that I'm going to be alright. That's always been his role and now I can't do that and it hurts.

He and Charlie need a fair chance. Because she's right. We have no boundaries and I'm too dependant. Not to mention the fact that I can't commit. I ruin whoever I attempt to love and I don't want to ruin Dyl. The damage that I've done so far is bad enough. But perhaps after we've had some space and I learn to stand alone, we can be friends.

When this need to let him put me back together has diminished, perhaps we can Dyl and Bea again.

I throw my phone off the edge of the balcony and watch it fall to the sidewalk below. I don't  hear it smash but I can just see the shattered fragments of black against the concrete.

There's a spring in my step when I turn around and head inside. Megan and Allie are sitting on the off white L shaped sofa, no doubt they were watching to ensure that I didn't jump off the balcony. So I stand in front of them while they clutch their coffee mugs and nod.

"I want a new life."

Allie sits forward. "Excuse me?"

"Yeah. New life. New phone. New apartment," I lean down and clutch my thick black harem pants. "Hell. Maybe even new clothes. I might even move to a new city. New name!"

"Girl, calm down," Allie stands up and grips my shoulders. Her off the shoulder sweater swallows her slim figure but it's so cute. Perhaps I should start dressing more like Allie. She's got a mature style but super hot and sophisticated. "You don't need a new life or name or city. I will agree on the phone thing since you just threw your one off the damn balcony."

"I have a plan," I shrug her off and step past Megan who pulls her legs close to the sofa so that I don't stand on her toes. She's so tall and . . . leggy. "I have to go back to the apartment and pack up while Kevin isn't there. He's no longer my father so I'll be referring to him by his first name only. I'll borrow his car and drop all of my stuff off somewhere and then I'll empty my trust fund before he closes it down."