You Break It, You Buy It {Romanogers}

36

Natasha's POV

"Hey, we should get going," Bucky said, checking his watch. "We were planning to go get some fro yo with the others."

"Oh, do you wanna get some, too?" Steve asked, looking over at me. 

"Uh, no, I'm still full from dinner, is that okay?" I said, knowing Bucky was trying to get the others to clear out. 

"Yeah, no problem, let me show you guys out," Steve stood, walking with Bucky, Carol, Pietro, and Wanda to the door. Bucky flashed a quick thumbs up to me, and I nodded and stood, rubbing my hands against my jeans nervously. "Hey," Steve jogged back into the living room. 

"Hey, can I talk to you for a second?" I asked, toying with the end of my sweatshirt. 

"Yeah, I wanted to talk to you, too." 

"Oh, okay, um, why don't you go first, because mine's kind of weird."

"Yeah, sure," Steve grabbed my hand and sat me down on the couch. "Look, I don't wanna freak you out. But these few months I've been with you have been the best time of my life."

 I nodded nervously and he enveloped my hand with his. "This is sweet, and all, but--"

"No, let me finish," He said, smiling. I nodded, afraid. If this conversation was going in the direction I thought it was, it was going to make my news a lot harder. "I know you have really complicated feelings about what I wanna say to you..." Oh no. 

"Steve..."

"Natasha--"

"Don't say it."

"I love you." I inhaled sharply and Steve noticed. "You don't have to feel pressured to respond, I just--"

"I can't," I said immediately.

"You can't..." 

"I can't.... say that." Steve nodded, and I squeezed his hand a little tighter. "I want to," I blinked back tears. "But I can't," I barely choked out. I knew I loved Steve. But I knew if I told him that and that left to Russia, it would kill him. And me. 

"Okay," Steve said. "That's okay. It was silly, anyways, I just got caught up in the moment, and--"

"No, it wasn't silly, Steve," I shook my head, as Steve got up off the couch, scratching his head. "Really, this is a lot more complicated than you think, and if you just let me explain to you, you would know--"

"Is it okay with you if I go clear my head really quickly? I'll be back before it's late. Or, maybe not, but I'll text you?" His voice quavered towards the end and I tried to get words to leave my mouth but all that came out were small whimpers. 

"Steve," I approached him as he was putting his shoes on. "Please don't go, I just need to explain, and--"

"It's pretty clear," He turned to face me, and I could see the hurt in his eyes. He smiled sadly and my tears blurred my vision. He left the house and I gasped, staring at the door. I walked to the window and watched him get onto his motorcycle and drive away. I took out my phone and went to my contacts, listening to my phone ring.

"Can you come over?" 

"Yeah, I'll be there in a few minutes." I hung up and walked to the couch, sitting down in defeat. Within minutes, I heard the door open, but I didn't look up. "Natasha? What's wrong?"

"Hey, James."

"Natasha, what happened? Did he not take the news too well?"

"Actually, it was me. Steve told me he loved me."

"And that's upsetting because..."

"Because how could I say it back?" I looked at him incredulously. "How could I get even more committed to him and then walk out?"

"Can I speak honestly?"

"I wish you would. Maybe save me from myself," I exhaled heavily. 

"Steve telling you he loved you... isn't that just reason to stay? Listen, Tasha, I grew up without my dad. But I know that he died loving me. Your mom knows you love her. She should be able to find it in her heart to understand that you can't abandon your life here for her."

"Either way I lose," I looked at the ground, trying to think about my situation logically. "I have to be with my mom before she dies, James, I have to. She wasn't there for me, but now I have a chance to be there for her."

Bucky sighed. "No one else knows yet?" I shook my head. Bucky took out his phone and sent out a text that I couldn't quite read. "Look, you sound like you know what you want to do. But before you go, you have to tell Steve why you couldn't say it back. And then... go from there. Play it by ear."

"Yeah, if he ever comes back. There's months left of school left. How are we gonna get though this?"

"How about this... why don't you come stay at my house until you guys work things out? You and Steve just need to talk things out." I nodded and he smiled sympathetically.

The door opened slowly and all of my friends walked in. They stood there shuffling their feet before Wanda rushed forward and hugged me tightly.

"So you told them, huh?" I smiled shakily, hugging Wanda back. Bucky nodded, and I looked up at the rest of them. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you guys, I just found out today."

"Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do," Pepper smiled sympathetically. "We're here for you."

"Where's Steve?" Pietro asked, breaking the silence.

"He told me he lo..." My words got caught in my throat and I swallowed nervously.

"There was some other news," Bucky took over for me. He explained the whole situation and I just sat there, reliving it all.

"And Steve doesn't know about Russia?" Wanda asked softly, biting her nails. I shook my head and looked down at the floor.

"I don't know what to do, guys. There's a month, almost two of school left. I don't know how long he can avoid me, and I don't know how long I can avoid him."

"Steve really loves you, Natasha. He just needs time to... regain some of his pride. And come back," Wanda said.

"You guys don't understand. It was so hard for him to put himself out there, and he thinks I just turned him down. Every time he sees me, I know it's just going to remind him of that moment."

"So what are you gonna do?" Sam asked, looking at me from his spot on the couch.

As I was about to answer, Bucky's phone went off. "It's Steve," He said, looking up at me. "He just said he's going to be out really late tonight. Doesn't want you to stay up and wait for him."

"Well, I'll be up all night anyways. Thank you, guys, for coming over, but I just need time to think." They nodded and all of them slowly got up to leave, but Bucky stayed behind. "What's up?" I asked, rubbing my eyes tiredly.

"I know you. And I know Steve. Before you make any final decision about Russia, talk to him. He can be pretty persuasive when he wants to be." I nodded and he leaned forward and kissed my forehead, walking out.

I sat on the couch. I watched as the clock's hands ticked by. It was 10:30. Steve had been out for hours. Once it was 1 AM, I started to lose hope that he would ever come back. I got up in resignation and walked to Steve's room. I saw his letterman jacket on his desk chair and grabbed it, holding it close to my body, climbing into Steve's bed. I stayed awake for a while, but eventually my eyes gave in and I fell asleep to the sound of the lonely grandfather clock in the living room.