aurora: in full bloom | hongjoong - ateez [hiatus]

⇢ ch. 10

When you arrive at work again, you put on a brave face.

You pretend that your heart isn't hurting. You pretend that life is perfect and alright.

But you are emotionally and mentally drained.

Hongjoong comes into your office and gives you a smile.

"How are you?"

"I'm okay," you quietly answer. You smile through the pain.

"I, uh, saw the news of you and Seonghwa circulating. I wanted to talk to you about it," he quietly says.

When Hongjoong expresses that he saw the news, your heart sinks. You feel uneasy, unsure what to say.

He saw the news of you and Seonghwa, but he never had to deal with something like this. He wanted to allow you and Seonghwa to have a day to process it.

Hongjoong understands how people need time to themselves, but he wanted to address it too. Both you and Seonghwa are under his company, so he must deal with the repercussions. He feels the need to address the media about it. He really doesn't want to push you and Seonghwa about the issue, but it needs to be addressed.

"Yeah, I saw. I'm sorry. It might hurt the company."

"Don't apologize. Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's not your fault," Hongjoong's voice is gentle.

You're surprised by Hongjoong's tone of voice and answer.

"I actually broke up with him. It hurt me. I need to figure out some other personal things in my life as well," you respond.

His heart sinks at what happened between the two of you, as he feels terrible. The two of you seemed happy, but no one ever knows what's happening between two people.

However, the selfish part of Hongjoong sees the small glimmer of hope for the two of you.

↞-↠

You don't actively seek out Seonghwa anymore, and neither does he, for obvious reasons.

Hongjoong talks to each of you separately, and through Hongjoong, the two of you decide to release an honest statement.

Hongjoong addresses the media by stating that the two of you were dating, but had broken up.

For the most part, fans are respectful of what happened. You are thankful for that.

It just hurt that a few haters would say such awful things, but that's life, isn't it?

Throughout this all, San left for the United States to pursue his acting career. It hurt that he left, but San made sure to give you a proper goodbye.

The two of you spent an afternoon together where you sent him off at the airport the same evening.

You feel somewhat numb inside, as if you're not entirely there.

↞-↠

However, through this all, you find comfort in Hongjoong. He's there for you.

You continue working hard to distract yourself from the sadness and pain.

Hongjoong hates seeing you down. It's obvious to him that a part of you is not entirely there anymore. It's as if some bright light burnt out and wasn't changed.

He tries to continue to be his positive self around you. He continues to be his cheery, smiley self. He told you that if you ever needed to talk to someone, he would listen to you.

And you have been utilizing him since it felt like you're all alone now, with no one there for you, especially since your closest friend is now gone. You don't have Seonghwa at the moment either, as he was your closest work friend.

You hated that you decided to pursue him because you thought he was the right one.

↞-↠

On a day you're off from work, a bad storm rolls through. It makes you sadder, since the weather affects your mood.

You're all alone, consumed by your thoughts. The literal darkness from the outside as well as the mental sadness because of the breakup and San being gone makes you feel empty inside.

You and San have trouble staying in touch because of his busy schedule and time zones. But the two of you sporadically message each other. San wants to check up on you as much as possible, especially since you expressed to him how badly you're doing.

Every time you get a message from him, it makes you feel better.

Hongjoong can't stop thinking about you on this dreary day. He knows you're off from work, and he can't help but think that you're probably all cooped up indoors.

You're incredibly thankful that Hongjoong reached out to you. You find it thoughtful, and it really shows you how much he cares for you.

It reminds you of why you like him. He's caring towards others, even his employees.

Hongjoong thinks it's the least he could do. He separates work and personal life, where he understands that you're all human, that empathy can help.

You pick yourself out of bed and head over to the café that you and San used to work at. It feels like home to you. You feel a little saddened when you walk in because you're reminded of San. But you know coming here is good for you. You remind yourself that it's good for your mental health to get out. And you have some fond memories here, making you smile.

You spot Hongjoong at a table. You're surprised that he made it that quickly.

He greets you with a warm smile.

"Hey, how are you?"

"Not so good," you murmur. "The weather is affecting my mood. It's even worse than usual. I just wish I could roll back time to change everything."

"Sometimes flowers need to wilt and die in order to fully bloom. The rain is always good for the flowers."

"That sounds like some song lyrics," you can't help but smile.

"Perhaps I need to make those some lyrics for a song," Hongjoong jokes, but then he thinks that he probably can add them into a song.

As you think deeply about life, you come to realize that maybe Hongjoong is right. That you need to drown in the darkness of the sea in order to see the lighthouse guiding you to the shore.

Maybe you needed to go through all of this to realize your true feelings for Hongjoong. Through this all, you couldn't stop thinking about Hongjoong.

He showed you so much compassion and kindness. He's been there for you during your heartbreak. He was San's replacement. He can never be San, but with him gone, Hongjoong was there for you.

Falling for Hongjoong feels so unconventional and out of the norm to you. It was not expected for you, probably because you never saw yourself falling for your boss.

↞-↠

But on a Wednesday in a cafe I watched it begin again