Intro - xx

I'll Love You For A Lifetime

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I wish I had known. When you first smiled at me, a simple twitch of lips, tucking it away as our gazes met, I think that's when it happened.

You were charming, and I was drawn to you. I never told you, because I never wanted to feed your ego, but you had me in the way your lips opened and closed to give way to my name, so soft, so light. You made me fall in love with my existence, gave my identity a melody I wouldn't be tired of listening to.

The truth is, you were humble. I think I shouldn't have been an idiot, I think I should have fed your ego, told you how you were stardust, so bright, so magnetic. How you held a charisma that lightened the path that paved. I think I should have told you, reminded you, day in and day night of the beauty you bestowed.

You were beautiful in the dark, when no one could see you for your shell, and you were beautiful in the daylight, when the sunshine danced on your hair. I wish I had known.

It was under the moonlit night, when we had both sat under the sky, and you had told me you had missed me, missed spending time like this, together in solace. It was then I realised I had missed you too. I had missed you, every second of every day, and when you sat right beside me, knees drawn to your chest to hide away from the wind, looking up at the stars, I missed you then too.

It was when it was raining, first showers beckoning the monsoon, that you had opened the window and leaned out of it to feel the kiss of the rain on your cheeks, and in that moment, looking at you, I had wanted to kiss you as well. Remind you of the innocence you carry around in your heart, tell you how I can't blink without seeing a laughing image of your young face.

It was when you leaned further outside, stretching your hand to feel the downpour caress down your wrist, it was then I wanted to tell you to stay careful, though I had no right to, but I had wanted to tell you, in that moment, more than the rain, more than the petrichor we were hemmed in, I had breathed you. I wish I had known.

It was when you kindled the candle that night, when everything was pitched, and a strange fear had started to claw at my heart. Your face, half hidden in the shadows, half illuminated with the golden light of the flame, it was then I realised I loved you. As you spoke, ever so lightly, whispering assurances to my wretched heart, telling me you believed in me, when mine wavered like a flame put outside in a thunderstorm, it was then I realised I loved you. You made me believe in myself, and I loved you.

I love you, always have. Its so natural that it takes a pause, a moment of slowed urgency to realise it's not ordinary. To realise anything about you wouldn't ever be ordinary. I wish I had known.

You were to my heart, the way new found music is to it, and yet you always made me feel like I had been listening to the old ones all this while.

You had loved me, with all your heart, without an expectation, without a flinch of doubt, you had loved me and it took me years to realise I loved you just the same.

I love you just the same, so much that it hurt sometimes. I love you. I wish, by some godforsaken miracle, my dim witted mind had seen it sooner.

Perhaps, this is why, as a manifestation of my retributions, you were taken away a little too soon. Just when I was by your side, planting kisses on your temples, promising a forever, I didn't realise the forever you were promising back would end so soon. I wish I had known.

I wish I had known, when you said you'd love me for a lifetime, yours would end the day mine had just begun.

Yours,
—'s.c.