Missing Agnetha

Make Or Break

Bjorn was absolutely boiling with rage as he stamped off the stage. The concert had been beset by problems most of which they had managed to cover up but Frida had done most of the singing, Anna had sounded dreadful. She had been first off the stage and he was determined to find her and have it out with her. She didn't have to make it so clear that she didn't want to be here. She had agreed to do this tour and they needed her to be on the top of her game. This just wasn't acceptable.
He could feel Lena running to keep up with him as he stormed around backstage looking for her. He was glad he was out of it with her he told himself. Constant fucking drama all the time. He got to her dressing room and found her sat cuddled up in Frida's arms crying. He rolled his eyes "Agnetha!!! What the hell is going on with you?? That was the worst gig you've ever done! You sounded dreadful and Frida worked her arse off!!" He continued to chew her out, ignoring Frida's protests. He let her have it from both barrels and in the end it wasn't just the concert he was yelling about. It was EVERYTHING he thought she had got wrong, his entire list of frustrations with her post seperation were added to his ammunition.
Benny had been talking to the technicians to sort out the sound and light issues that had beset them tonight,the pyrotechnics and the sound had really let them down but he had managed to sort it. He made his way back to the dressing rooms and long before he got there he could hear Bjorn yelling at Agnetha. He broke into a jog and when he got there he saw Frida shielding Anna from the worst of it and trying to protest but Bjorn was having none of it. What was worse is Lena was standing right next to him enjoying Anna's total humiliation. Benny was a mild mannered man so what he did next shocked them all "THAT IS ENOUGH!!!" He thundered at the top of his voice Everyone jumped including Bjorn. Bjorn swung round and opened his mouth to remonstrate with him "NO!! Bjorn, you are well out of order. You don't ever yell at Frida like that again and if I ever hear you yell at Anna like that again in front of everyone especially Lena you WILL have me to answer to!!" Benny did not back down and stood toe to toe with Bjorn glaring him down "Bjorn you have been my best friend for 13 years but right now I am disgusted with your behaviour." He glared at Lena "and you? You're enjoying this!" he accused. "You're not who I thought you were either".
Bjorn got his voice back "How dare you talk to Lena like that?" "I dare because it's true and someone has to look out for Anna. You've thrown her to the wolves. I don't even want to talk to you at the moment Bjorn. You don't even deserve a fucking explanation. None of it tonight was her fault and you didn't even stop to fucking ask first! LOOK at her!!" Bjorn had never seen Benny this angry and it gave him pause for thought. Had he got it wrong? He shook it off. He did not ever second guess himself. "Fuck off Benny, I don't need you lecturing me about how I deal with her" he grabbed Lena's hand and stamped off.
Benny shook his head in exasperation and went into the girl's dressing room. Agnetha was sobbing and it was heartbreakingly genuine, he could see that Frida was close to tears herself. "Come on ladies, let's get going" he pulled Anna up and gave her a hug, Christ she was hot. He felt her forehead and she was burning up! He felt Frida's head to just to compare because they had just been on stage for 3 hours and while Frida was hot and sweaty she wasn't burning like Agnetha. "What are you doing?" asked Frida confused. "Frida, she's absolutely burning, I was just checking it wasn't being onstage" Frida felt Anna's forehead and was alarmed at the heat. Agnetha was absolutely exhausted and she knew Bjorn was right, she knew she'd fucked up. She had tried but nothing came out right tonight. She felt dreadful , it had got progressively worse during the show but Anna had powered through, obviously it hadn't been good enough. "I'm so sorry, Bjorn is right I let you all down tonight. Benny, god I'm sorry but I do feel dreadful" she rasped and with that she collapsed into total unconsciousness. Benny staggered to hold her up off the floor "Jesus Christ!" He swore as he swung her back up onto the sofa." Frida, stay with her, I'll find the doctor"
Bjorn on the other hand had gone to his dressing room absolutely irate. He was furious with Benny for bawling him out in front of Lena and mixed in with it was an uncomfortable feeling that he HAD indeed acted inappropriately with Anna. He knew she couldn't handle being shouted at and he was very aware that it was why he did it. He didn't care to analyse why he had felt the need to react like this but Anna HAD sounded awful, he'd never heard her sound so bad. Her devastated face floated across his mind but he brushed it away irritably. Lena was chatting away moaning about Benny talking to her like that and it was time they accepted who she was and that he belonged to her now. He frowned, not sure what to make of that statement but he had too many other things on his mind to focus on it for long.
He grabbed her hand and left the dressing room. On his way out he bumped into a couple of the technicians and they said "Mr Ulvaeus, we're working on the issues with the sound. Mr Andersson gave us some pointers about Miss Faltskog's sound system and we've found 2 of the issues. They will be sorted by the next concert. There's a few more issues to sort but we will get them done. She won't have such a struggle the day after tomorrow" Bjorn nodded politely and walked away. It wasn't until he got to the car that he realised the ramifications of what they'd said. Benny had said it wasn't her fault and he hadn't listened. "I need to go back in and talk to Anna" he said urgently to Lena. "It can wait until tomorrow" she said "I'm tired and it'll do her good to think about her attitude!"Lena dismissed. "She needs to understand that you're mine now, you're not going to run around after her all the time" Bjorn scowled "I am no one's Lena. I choose to be with you and Anna has coped with it remarkably well. But you are right I'm tired too. I'll deal with her tomorrow" he decided.
Meanwhile Benny had found the doctor and by the time he had got back Anna was starting to come round and function. He gave her a thorough examination and said "Anna you have a bad chest infection." He went off and came back with some antibiotics. "These are strong, take them four times a day. You may have to cancel the concert "Oh god NO" said Anna desperately. "He'll never forgive me, I won't let you all down. I'll be good and take them and I'll rest all day tomorrow I promise!" "I'll take up the slack don't worry" said Frida "you've done it for me before darling, you can't help being ill" Agnetha's breathing was horrendous and getting worse as she struggled to walk to the car holding onto Frida's arm.
They got back to the hotel and there was crowds and crowds of fans waiting at the front entrance and Anna moaned and said "Oh Benny please I can't. Not tonight" she begged "it's ok Anna, he leaned forward and asked the driver to go round the back of the hotel. They got out undetected and managed to walk through the kitchen and then all of a sudden they were spotted. Anna was horrified . The chef said "there's a freight elevator you can use" "That's great thank you" said Frida warmly. They got in, it was very small and it made Anna feel sick but she comforted herself with the thought that she wouldn't be in it for too long. Anna's room was 3 floors above everyone else's and when they got to Benny and Frida's floor and Anna didn't get off telling Benny it wasn't her floor Benny frowned and said "Who booked the rooms? Why are you so far away from us?" "I don't know Benny but you two have done enough, I can get to my room myself. Look at you two you're exhausted! I'll be fine." she reassured them. "I'll get to my room and then I'll take my tablets and sleep the day away. I promise. I promise I won't bother anyone. I'll just take my tablets and sleep" she repeated. "Ok, if you're sure" said Frida who was genuinely dead on her feet. "Have you got your key Anna?" Anna dug in her coat pocket and waved it at Benny" "yep" Anna smiled even though her chest was tight and sore and said "Benny?" "Yes?" he swung round and looked at her "Thank you for sticking up for me. I won't let you down again" she was a bit choked. "Anna, you didn't let anyone down. You powered through tonight when most people would have been sick in bed. Now go" he ordered kindly.
They got out of the elevator and blew Anna kisses. The doors closed behind them and Anna, much as she loved them was relieved. She allowed the tears to finally roll down her cheeks. She felt so ill and sad. She pushed the button for three floors up and the elevator moved up. She leaned against the wall as she was feeling wobbly and as she did the elevator made a horrendous grinding noise and the lights flickered out. The elevator ground to a halt with such a bump she lost her balance and landed on the floor with a quite an impact.
At first she wasn't too sure what had happened and she was rather winded. She sat for a while because it was pitch black but as time went on it began to dawn on her that the lights weren't going to come back on and she was stuck in the lift. The dark she hated and she was claustrophobic. She couldn't see her hand in front of her face and it was a most odd sensation that she didn't like but she was doing her best to keep calm.
She got to her knees and felt around the walls till she found the door then she stood up slowly as she followed it up, feeling most incongruous crawling about in her purple catsuit and a leather bomber jacket. She felt around by the doors and eventually found the panel. She pressed the buttons but there was no response. She pressed all of them for a long time hoping one was an alarm. It took a while for her to realise that it must be past one in the morning and no one would even think about looking at or using the freight elevator. That no one but Benny and Frida knew she was in here and they would have gone straight to bed and not realised that there was anything wrong, there was no reason at all to suppose that there should be. Anna was battling her panic and her claustrophobia at this point and her tears fell in earnest "Oh god what a day" she rasped to no one in particular. The chef would be long gone and Bjorn? Well he couldn't care if she lived or died. It would be a relief for him if she was dead and gone, of that she was sure. She pressed all the buttons again with not a lot of hope but it was worth a try.
She wanted to yell and scream but she couldn't, she had exhausted her voice battling through the concert and all the crying she had done. What she had left wasn't much above a whisper and she thought that she had better save it ready for the next gig. Someone would find her eventually. It did not occur to her that she had told Frida and Benny that she would sleep the day away.
She made herself as comfortable as she could in the corner of the elevator and attempted to take one of her antibiotics, it was very difficult with her sore, dry throat and no water but she did manage it eventually. She closed her eyes for a while and tried to think of nice things, Linda and Christian. Bjorn and her before they had split up, their home, their garden. This must have soothed her a little for it felt like an age later when she jumped awake and felt like she was falling, she opened her eyes quickly and then wished she hadn't. Even in the dark she felt dizzy. Like she was on a carousel. Oh god she was going to be sick. She was so cold she was shivering but when she touched her forehead she was dripping with sweat. She thought she had better lay down and actually this did help the nausea so that's where she stayed. She eventually drifted back to sleep lying on the floor.
Not so very far away Bjorn was having the worst night's sleep of his life so far. Now that his temper had calmed and he was seeing things clearly he felt truly dreadful. He had jumped to conclusions with Anna yet again and bawled her out for something that wasn't her fault and worse had done her the disrespect of doing so in front of Lena. He couldn't imagine that Anna would treat him like that. In those early hours of the morning he faced the truth that his temper stemmed from the fact that Anna was no longer his and deep down he knew he'd done the wrong thing by bringing Lena on tour. She had put everyone's backs up with her attitude and forced a fissure in the band that had never been there before and Anna? She had never said a word. She was quiet and civil despite a lot of provocation and had sung on regardless. He faced the uncomfortable truth that he had wanted to hurt Anna, to get a reaction out of her and now he truly had. Her tears haunted him and he had deserved the bollocking that Benny had given him, much as it pained him to admit it. He wondered which room she was in, he was next door to Benny so he assumed she would be the other side of him. This thought comforted him and he resolved to apologise to her at breakfast time, without Lena in tow. Feeling soothed now that he had worked this out in his mind he turned over, facing away from Lena and slept.
The following morning Benny and Frida woke at 10 feeling much refreshed. Frida wondered if she should call Anna and see how she was doing but decided not to until after they'd had their breakfast and leave her to sleep as long as possible. They went on down for their breakfast and as they were half way through they saw Bjorn and Lena come down. Both had faces like thunder. "Heads up" whispered Frida. "Looks like there's trouble in paradise" she was facing the door. "Who?" asked Benny non- plussed. Frida rolled her eyes good naturedly and said "fine spy you would make!" and giggled. "Bjorn and Lena" she hissed. "Oh! Oh well good luck to him, I couldn't be less interested this morning" Benny grumbled. "They are coming over" Frida whispered. "Oh bloody hell! Can't we just have a peaceful breakfast? Benny said tightly.
"Morning" said Bjorn carefully. Both Benny and Frida responded in kind and Frida said "Morning Lena" and got no response above a mumble. "Listen, about last night..." Bjorn started. "Not here Bjorn, too many ears and not now I don't want indigestion" Benny said firmly. Bjorn subsided. He really HAD pushed Benny's buttons last night and he couldn't remember that ever happening before. He went quiet and then asked "Can we join you?" Lena immediately protested and said "I'm sure they'd like to eat alone with no interference from us Bjorn. Come now. We don't need to live in each others pockets" Bjorn looked most perturbed and started to say something. Frida feeling a bit sorry for him said "we're nearly done anyway. Don't worry about us" Lena was walking away to find a table, she seemed to be going on a hike Frida considered, hiding a smile. "Can we meet at some point today then? Clear the air?" Bjorn asked with a note of near pleading in his voice. Benny opened his mouth to say no but Frida kicked him under the table, he jumped and said "yes after you've had breakfast we'll meet in the library" Bjorn acquiesced with some relief he had thought Benny was going to cut him right off. He went to turn away and Benny said "Bjorn?" Bjorn turned back hoping for rapprochement. What he got was "No Lena for this one" he nodded once and went to eat his breakfast.
Meanwhile Anna had no idea how long she had been in the elevator. She knew she was hallucinating, she'd had several conversations with Bjorn in the night begging his forgiveness but he kept turning away from her, she'd talked to Linda and Christian. In the back of her mind she knew she wasn't well but her mouth was now too dry to take another tablet. She didn't know if it was day or night and now she had a constant stream of tears, no one would ever find her. No one would care to look until it was time for the concert and she felt that by then she would be dead because she felt so ill. Her claustrophobia was winning and she was so scared she was shaking. It was so dark that she considered she wouldn't even know if she had gone blind. She found her way to the doors again and pressed all the buttons, still nothing. Her voice was nothing now, she couldn't even talk to herself. It was gone. She sat back down in her 'spot' she was desperate for a drink and a wee and she could have neither and her cough was getting steadily worse. Her head was playing tricks on her and over and over it told her no one would come.
Down in the dining room Bjorn was finishing his breakfast and getting rather fed up of Lena moaning on about his meeting with Benny and how she should be allowed to come, she wanted to go shopping and as far as she was concerned she said it was up to them for it was their fault.
Bjorn was not so sure at all and as he was finishing his last coffee he couldn't help but look around for Anna but he did not see her. She must have come down early for breakfast. He suspected she was avoiding him and he sighed as he admitted that he could not blame her. She must be devastated, he was not unaware of the effect his anger had on her. He shifted uncomfortably as he remembered her sobbing in Frida's arms. "You just go and do the shopping you want to" as they finished up. "I need to get this sorted and it's just Benny and me that need to do it." he snapped. Lena went off upstairs grumbling and Bjorn made his way to the library and settled down to wait patiently. He admired the old room around him as he waited. He did not have to wait long as Benny turned up less than 10 minutes later. Bjorn stood as he saw Benny and watched him lock the door. "I asked at reception if we could have the room and the key for half an hour" Benny explained. He came over to Bjorn and sat in the matching chair in front of him. There was silence for a while and for Bjorn it was not a comfortable one.
"Benny, I am sorry. My behaviour last night WAS out of order like you said. I've been awake most of the night thinking about it. I did jump to conclusions" Bjorn began. "It's not me you need to apologise to is it?" said Benny. "Stop punishing her for your own guilt. You shouldn't have bought Lena and you know it" Bjorn went to interrupt and Benny held up a hand "You KNOW it Bjorn and Anna bless her has not said a word. She's been quiet and civil and she has sung. You ask a lot of her and she has delivered" "I'm not punishing her" Bjorn protested uncomfortably. Benny lifted an eyebrow. "You are Bjorn, every day. You hurt her because you know you can, because she hurt you. How would you feel if she had bought someone on tour with her? You would have not have been able to cope with it as well she has" Bjorn was quiet as he digested Benny's words and he was man enough to realise that there was a lot of truth in what Benny had said. The thought of her bringing someone on tour with her made his heart burn. He sighed and asked "Where is she? I'll go and talk to her and apologise." "Leave her be Bjorn, the poor girl needs rest, the last thing she needs is you!" Benny snapped "She collapsed after you had finished yelling at her and I had to fetch the doctor. She was unconscious and she was burning up." Bjorn's heart felt like it stopped for a second and then restarted at a pounding rate, he felt absolutely sick to his stomach and incredibly hurt that Benny thought Anna was better off without him. He was sure every ounce of colour had disappeared from his face and he felt decidedly ill himself. "What the HELL happened?" He could barely get his voice to work. "What you mean apart from you yelling at her to such a point that she couldn't talk??" Benny pointed out sarcastically "I'm not really sure, after you'd gone I went back in and I lifted her off of Frida and I gave her a hug and the heat coming off her was horrendous. I felt her forehead and she burned. I checked Frida in case it was stage heat but she was nothing like as hot. Frida checked her and just as she did that, Anna apologised and said she'd fucked up, you were right and she was very sorry, she felt dreadful and then she went down like a pack of cards. I just about held her off the floor. Fucking dead weight. Scared me shitless" "What's WRONG with her??" Bjorn demanded furiously. "TELL me!" His guilt was slicing him open "She's got a chest infection and a fever of 105. Her chest sounded like a steam train by the time we got back here, she must have been feeling like death when she got on stage and still she powered through" Benny sighed. "Bjorn you've got to ease up on her a bit. You're too bloody hard on her. You're going to kill her. Is that what you want??" "No, of COURSE not!" Bjorn was devastated at the thought. "What did the doctor say?" he demanded. "He told her to cancel the show tomorrow and he gave her the strongest antibiotics he could" Benny laughed grimly in admiration and said "her words were, no I won't let them down, I'll be good. I'll take my tablets and I'll sleep all day. I won't let him down again. You know what? she'll get on that damn stage for you, for us if it's the last thing she ever does or she'll die trying." Bjorn was distraught. He had not meant for this to happen. He should have known she was ill. He used to know. Was he so wrapped up in his new life that he didn't know her anymore? That thought hurt him more than he cared to admit. "Oh Benny this is a bloody mess. I didn't know she was ill! I honestly didn't!! Maybe I didn't want to see it. Where is she? I'll go and repair the damage as much as I can. I'm a fucking idiot!" his genuine distress was clear for Benny to see, it couldn't be hidden so he eased up a bit "You are." Benny agreed."That's another thing I can't work out" he continued. "I need to find out what's happened with the rooms, something has gone wrong because she's nowhere near us, I don't like her being so far away really. It bothered me last night." "Well she can't be far away on the same floor Benny" Bjorn tried to soothe him. "But she isn't, she's three floors above the rest of us at the other end of the building. It must feel like she's been excommunicated. I'll find out what happened and get her moved when we are finished here." "What the HELL is she doing right up there?? I assumed she was the other side of you and Frida!" Bjorn grumbled darkly. He was secretly horrified. "Nope, she never said a word about it either. I only knew when I made her check she had her key last night in the elevator. She probably thinks it was done deliberately to keep her away from you and Lena" "She probably does but I would never do that Benny, you know that!" Bjorn protested instantly. Benny shook his head tiredly "No Bjorn I don't know that. I wonder if I know you at all recently. It would be so much easier for you. Out of sight, out of mind. Just wheel her out to sing. You don't seem to care what happens to her anymore" Benny said sadly. "Benny!!" Bjorn was genuinely hurt ."It's never been like that!" he denied fiercely. "Well that's how it feels for the rest of us, seems to be that as long as you're happy with Lena and you're getting your kicks on stage that's EXACTLY how it is." Benny said acerbically. "Sort yourself out Bjorn. She doesn't deserve this" he got up from the chair. Bjorn didn't know what to say. Was that what everyone thought? Had he changed that much? There was just enough truth in Benny's words to make him feel dreadfully uncomfortable. "Benny mate, I AM sorry. I never meant for any of this. I really didn't. It kills me that she's ill. I do care, I'll sort it out with her I promise, I'll make it right with her. I really am sorry." Bjorn got up from the chair and held out his hand hoping Benny would shake it. Benny did shake Bjorn's hand and then pulled him towards him in a massive bear hug. "Come on, let's make a start on it then" he said gently.
They went to the reception desk and asked if they could move Anna back down to their floor. "Why was the booking changed in the first place?" enquired Benny. "We always all stay together, on the same floor." The receptionist called the manager over and he told them that he had taken the booking change himself, it had been a special request for a room as far away from the rest of ABBA as possible and the change was made by Miss Faltskog herself. "She never, ever would have done that!!"denied Benny and Bjorn horrified. "Change her back immediately she needs to be next to us" demanded Bjorn. "We need her with us to ensure her safety" Benny added "We will get to the bottom of this as that phone call I can assure you was not from Miss Faltskog."
Bjorn asked what room number she was actually in and he went straight up there while Benny was sorting her transfer out. His need to see her, to comfort her, to check she was ok was uncontrollable and he didn't even bother to try and rein it in.
He went up to the fifth floor in the elevator and when he got off he started walking. It was literally as far as you could get without falling out of the window at the other end, it must be the most distant room in the hotel he reflected. He felt awful about it. Regardless of what Benny said, he would never do this to her. He needed to know she was close to him, he didn't care to analyse that too much either. He knocked on the door but there was no answer, he smiled as he thought of how difficult she was to wake and banged a bit harder. Still no answer. He rolled his eyes as he practically hammered the door off its hinges calling her name STILL no answer. "Jesus", he muttered under his breath. He tramped back down to the elevator and took it down to the second floor then rang reception from his room. He asked to be put through to her room. She didn't answer the phone. He didn't know if he was getting impatient or worried now so he tramped back down to reception and asked for the spare key. For once it helped being famous for there was no questions. All he said was he needed to check on her as he couldn't get hold of her.
He certainly wouldn't need to go for a run this evening he reflected as he navigated the trek to her room again. This was ridiculous!! Who the hell had put her up here? With a chest infection it would have taken her forever to walk from the elevator!
When he got there he hammered on the door again and used the key when he got no reply. He called for her so that she wouldn't be scared but much to his surprise he couldn't see her. He frowned as he stood in the middle of the room. He couldn't feel her either. He had never let on to anyone else other than Benny once when they were drunk that he could always feel her if she were near and that hadn't changed regardless of their troubles. He saw her suitcase, it hadn't been opened and he saw her travel bag on the bed. The bed hadn't been slept in. Now his heart was pounding. Where the hell was she? He checked the bathroom in case she had fallen, he even checked the other side of her bed in case she had collapsed again and he couldn't see her. Nothing. He sat on the bed debating. He opened her travelling bag and her smell immediately wafted over him, that smelled like home to him, he frowned where on earth had that thought come from? He shook his head and rummaged. She can't be far he thought. Her purse was still here, her passport, her diary. Everything. He opened her purse and his eyes fell on a set of photo booth pictures they'd had taken back in 68. He grinned helplessly despite the situation, he remembered that day like it was yesterday. He took them out and on the back she'd written 'my love' his eyes watered a bit. He put them back in and found several more photos of him with the kids. He'd had no idea she still had all these let alone carried them with her.
Pulling his mind back to the problem at hand he began to really worry what had happened to her. He rang Benny's room and Benny answered. "She isn't here Benny" he said without any preamble. "It doesn't look like she's been here all night, her bed isn't slept in. None of her stuff is unpacked or moved, there's no sign of her. Benny I can't FEEL her!!!" His tone became anguished and it made the hair stick up on the back of Benny's neck. "Shit!! We're coming right now" he said quickly "where exactly are you?" Frida shot up from the sofa she'd been lounging on "What?" she asked alarmed. "Come on!! Bjorn can't find Anna. He says her bed isn't slept in and none of her stuff is unpacked!" Frida shoved her feet into her clogs and stood up hurriedly. "How can that even be possible? She was in the elevator with us!! She had her key!!" Frida looked at her watch. "Jesus Benny, we last saw her nearly 12 hours ago!" Benny looked grim and nodded. "Let's go" They raced to the elevator and went up 3 floors, they raced along the corridor and Frida said panting "How the bloody hell did she end up right up here?? This is crazy!! Here it is!!" she came to a stop and swerved right, nearly knocking Bjorn over in the process. He grabbed at her arms to keep her standing and succeeded just about. She barged past him and she could see for herself that Anna had not been in that room at all. "Benny, she isn't here!" her voice ended on a wail, "she said she'd be fine she said we had done too much and she had her key. She made us get off on our floor! Benny do something!! She's not well!" The sight of Frida's tears made it all the more real for Bjorn and he choked his own back. "Frida I AM sorry I yelled at you yesterday and I'm more sorry than I can say that I yelled at Anna. It wasn't her fault." he said genuinely. Frida swung round and glared at him "I don't fucking care that you yelled at me. I care that you yelled at her when anybody in their right mind could see she was in trouble but you didn't care enough to even look! Bjorn I love you like a brother but you're being a total arsehole at the moment" she poked him angrily in the chest. "This??" She waved round her at the room. This is your fault. You break her every fucking time. You'll never find anyone that loves you like she did. She's better off without you" Frida yelled. "I'll find her someone who really appreciates her, who will really love her for just who she is. Not someone who sees fucking dollar signs when he looks at her! Someone who doesn't send her to the back of beyond in some godforsaken hotel in some fucking city that I can't even remember the name of, just because she makes him feel fucking awkward when he's rubbing her nose in his new bit of stuff every fucking day!!! Someone who isn't ashamed of her, who loves her ALL of the time!!" She stormed out of the room yelling that she was going to reception then she was going to search every fucking inch of this hotel until she found Anna. Bjorn could not find a word to say. Is that what they all thought? Is that what he'd become? Was he that person? Did he make her feel like that? "Benny I didn't, I didn't send her up here, I didn't break her, I..I ." he couldn't find the words to defend himself "Bjorn, Frida has a point, she may be scared and angry but she does have a valid point and only you can answer those questions, only you know the real truth." Benny interrupted gently.
Bjorn sat on Anna's bed after Benny had followed Frida. His heart bled as he thought of the things that Frida had shouted at him. The thought of Frida finding Agnetha another man shook him to his absolute core. He had not even considered that happening. The thought of her with someone else other than him made his heart break, right there. His arrogance again. Was he rubbing her nose in it? if he was honest with himself yes he was. She was the one who had left and it had hurt, it still hurt but he realised that the thought that someone could love her better than him hurt more. He took those pictures from 68 out of her wallet and studied them. He'd loved her then and she had loved him, they had been born for each other. Dear god what had they done? "I do care Anna" he whispered to himself. He tucked those pictures carefully in his pocket and he went to join the search for his Anna.
He got down to reception to find Frida growling at the poor receptionist quizzing her as to whether anyone had seen her, Benny was talking to the manager about CCTV at the exits of the hotel. "When did we last see her?" Benny asked Frida "about 0100 maybe a bit before." The manager ushered them all into the office keen to avoid a scandal. Bjorn looked at his watch "Christ Benny, that's nearly 12 hours. That's a lifetime. Anything could have happened to her!" he felt sick.
The manager had staff searching all over the hotel and he was rewinding the videos of the CCTV from last night for all entrances and exits. He stopped them all at the point they saw Anna, Frida and Benny enter, then played forward from there. Bjorn winced as even through the grainy screen he could see how ill Anna looked and how much she was leaning on Benny "Oh hell!" he groaned and put his head in his hands covering his eyes "I can't watch this! What if that's the last picture I ever have of her?? What if I never see her again? My god why didn't I come back last night and sort it out? I don't want this to be my last memory of her. Our end can't be me yelling at her in anger for something that wasn't even her fault!" he was absolutely in pieces "Bjorn stop it!! You can break down after we bloody find her. We need you now. We have to watch all of this and work this out. She needs you, us to help her now." Benny snapped for Bjorn's own good. The hotel manager showed Bjorn how to use the system to play back and went off to coordinate the search. They watched the footage from when Benny, Frida and Anna had come in and fast forwarded it gently right through till they'd turned it off to watch the tapes. There was only cameras on the front and the back exits, not in the actual hotel itself but there was no sign of her having left the hotel. They couldn't have missed her. She was still in her stage gear. Bright purple and silver. It could never be missed. "Did she have anything else on her at all?" Bjorn asked "just her room key and her leather bomber jacket" Frida replied. "At least it's a fairly warm one, it was mine that one" he sighed. "What did you do? Exactly. From the minute you left the stadium. Every little thing. "Ok. We got in the car, she had her eyes shut all the way back to the hotel. Frida and I were talking. When we got to the hotel there were crowds of fans and she begged that we didn't go in the front, she said she couldn't handle it" Benny remembered "so you told her it was ok and you leant forward and asked the driver to go round the back so he did." Frida continued. "Then we went in the kitchens and we wanted to go in the elevator but the lobby was full so the chef told us to use the freight elevator" Benny said. "We got in, we wanted to go with Anna but she felt that she'd let us all down and caused enough trouble for one night and we had done enough already so she said she would go on to her room and we could get off on our floor" Frida sobbed. "I was so tired, I never thought she'd come to harm in a hotel." Benny soothed her "neither did I darling, I was there too. I made her show me that she had her key, she was so insistent." Bjorn frowned "so you're telling me she went missing on an elevator ride up three floors with no one else but you there???" Both Frida and Benny nodded." That's crazy!!" Bjorn stated grimly
Bjorn sat there quietly for a while thinking what his Anna would do. He retraced her steps in his mind.
Suddenly his mind clicked and started putting all the pieces together and he absolutely knew where she was,  he felt it and his blood ran cold "Oh god no, no NO! Benny, she's stuck! She has to be! She's been stuck in that fucking elevator for 12 goddamn hours!! That's the only place she could possibly be! Oh for fucks sake she'll be terrified!! Oh damn it all to hell Anna! Of all the people to get stuck in a fucking elevator alone it HAD to be you!" he yelled taking off at a run. "Show me where it is!" he yelled at Benny. "I have to get to her, she'll go insane in there" "Frida!!! Get me a fucking torch or something" Bjorn yelled. "We'll meet you at the elevator" Benny didn't doubt for a moment that Bjorn was right, the connection that he had with Anna had always been intense and unusual, he'd learnt over the years not to question it. If Bjorn said she was there then the elevator was exactly where Anna was. There was no other possible explanation. He knew Anna's phobias nearly as well as Bjorn did and recognised that Bjorn was absolutely entitled to be raging and concerned about her state of mind after so long. Benny and Bjorn pushed through all the kitchen staff and out through to the back where the elevator was. Benny frantically pushed the button but there was no response. Not even a light. "We don't use it at weekends" said one of the waitresses. "The guests say it makes too much noise. It goes wrong too much" Bjorn was apoplectic with rage and worry "then why were you all put in here" he growled quietly. He said it to Benny only, it wasn't the waitress's fault. The manager came in and said to Bjorn that no trace of Anna could be found and they were going to call the police. Bjorn was deadly when raging and he spat furiously "my wife is stuck in this fucking lift. You will fix it or you will tell me how to get to her. She has been alone in there ill and cold for 12 fucking hours. "I can't sir, there's no power to it. It flicked out in the early hours of the morning and the engineers can't come until Monday" the manager said. "Benny I'm going to do serious fucking damage in a minute!" Bjorn warned. Then the manager's words took on a different meaning in Bjorn's mind "Are you telling me that she's been in the pitch dark for 12 hours??? Can she see at all??" he demanded furiously. The manager said no. Benny closed his eyes at the explosion that he knew was coming and sure enough, "Jesus fucking Christ she must be absolutely crippled with terror, my god Benny she won't survive this in her mind. This is all of her worst fears in one and she's in there all by herself!!" Bjorn roared. He paced angrily as he thought, there was no doubt in his mind that he was going for her, he just had to plan how. He couldn't leave her alone in there for another second than was absolutely necessary.
"Ok, here's the plan. We'll go up to the fifth floor and find the freight elevator. It'll be easier to climb down and land on it than climb up and round it. She has to be somewhere between the 3rd and 5th floors if you left her on the second." "Sir, I can't let you do anything at all. We can call the emergency services. SIR!" The manager was babbling frantically . Bjorn turned, at the end of his endurance and yelled "Fucking sue me!! I'm going to get my wife!" Frida came running in with a torch. "Benny will fill you in" said Bjorn "but for now we have to run" "I need a bag I can put over my shoulder" "What the hell for?" yelled Frida panting now. They had crashed into the main elevator. Bjorn explained in the midst of the small respite "Frida, she needs water, she must be dehydrated by now, she was ill before, she needs food and she needs a blanket. I need to get to her" "I'm not so sure this is a good idea Bjorn" said Benny. "If it were Frida what would you do??" Bjorn retorted. Benny subsided and didn't say another doubting word. "Stop us at 2" Frida yelled. "I have the perfect bag. I promise I'll run Bjorn" "we'll meet you on 5" Benny told her.
Frida galloped off the elevator and burst into their room, she grabbed her big bag and emptied it's contents all over the bed and she threw in all the bottles of water from the complementary tray. She found some mints out of Benny's suitcase and a packet of biscuits out of hers. What else? she wondered. She threw in some paracetamol and some wet wipes and hauled the spare blanket out of the wardrobe. She raced back out of their room and because the elevator was busy she took the stairs two at a time. As soon as she got to the fifth floor she started yelling for Benny. "We're right here" he bellowed. "You can stop yelling" Frida skidded to a stop next to them and threw the bag down. Bjorn had already managed to open the old fashioned freight gates on the elevator shaft, though he had broken the locking mechanism to do so. He shone the torch down and could see the top of the elevator, it was stuck between floors just as Bjorn had thought. "Do you feel her?" asked Benny quietly. "I do!" Bjorn smiled for the first time in what felt like an eternity.
He shone the torch round the shaft and noted a ladder. That was good. He shone the torch onto the car and could see an access point on the top. "Are you sure about this?" Maybe we should wait until the emergency services come." Benny suggested, not holding out much hope. He was proved right. "Benny, who knows in what condition she's in? She must be beside herself. I CAN still calm her. She needs ME. We can wait for the emergency services together. She still KNOWS me. Once I get in there though I doubt I'll be able to get out again so I'm relying you to coordinate stuff out here. I won't allow anyone else to see her like this" he said firmly.
Frida smiled gently and said "Bjorn you're a total idiot. You do care! Go and get your wife you stupid darling man, we'll keep it going out here" Bjorn shook his head and smiled as he accepted what Frida was saying. "I do care Frida, more than you know"
Bjorn was fit and swung himself out onto the ladder with no difficulty at all. He was wearing Frida's bag over his shoulder. He scampered down that ladder as quickly as he could. Shit it was dark in here even with the torch. He climbed onto the top of the car and held the torch in his teeth while he yanked off the access hatch. At this point he got scared again because he did not know what he would find. He shone the torch round when he stuck his head and shoulders in and felt a moment of relief when he saw her lying on the floor. She WAS here. "Anna? Baby I'm coming" he said. There was no response. "Baby? Wake up" he yelled as he prepared to jump down into the car. Still no response. Oh God, he was terrified. What if something had happened to her? What he was too late? He landed in the lift but dropped the torch. He heard Anna respond to the noise and he felt gratitude like he had never known, but she was terrified he could tell. Jesus Christ this dark WAS awful and it was so cold in here he thought. He couldn't even see a inch in front of his face, it was like he had gone blind. He groped around for Anna and he found her boot then her wonderful legs. He had no choice but to follow her body up but he could feel her tensing. "Baby it's me, it's going to be ok. Its just me" he soothed. "It's not you! It's never really you! You won't  come for me, you'll leave me here" her whisper sounded forced and painful and he winced. He could hear her chest wheezing from here. "I'm sorry baby I'm so sorry, it took us too long to realise you were gone but I AM here now. I won't leave you, I won't leave you alone in here." he soothed her rapidly "You won't come for me. You hate me. I fucked up too badly. I'm sorry, I tried for you. I did try" she sobbed. "I can't breathe, I'm sorry" she was half hysterical and she wheezed and coughed uncontrollably "You didn't fuck up baby and it's me who should be sorry, it's me who is sorry. I am so sorry I yelled at you. It wasn't your fault, it was the sound kit and I didn't know you were ill, I swear I didn't know. Anna I could never hate you, I know you tried your best baby I'm sorry!" he pleaded. She couldn't hear him,"You wouldn't care if I lived or died. It would make it easy for you if I'm gone. You wouldn't have to shut me away then so I don't embarrass you in front of Lena. You won't have to deal with me ever again and you'll never even know I died in a fucking elevator car" her wheezing was terrible and Bjorn had to strain to hear her. Bjorn was heartbroken at what was spilling out of her now that she thought he wasn't real. "You can marry her with no ex wife to hinder you and I don't even know which fucking city I'm going to die in" she was crying but she had no voice left to cry with. It was heartbreaking. Bjorn crawled around the floor looking for the torch. He eventually found it and flicked it on. He shone it on her gently shielding it with his hand and his heart felt like it ripped in two when he saw the state she was in "Linda and Christian won't remember me, she'll take them away from me but you don't see she doesn't like kids. Why won't you see? If you don't love me anymore then there's nothing I can do about it but I wish you'd find someone that would love my kids" he heard her agony loud and clear and he couldn't let her suffer like this anymore. He hauled her up and he wrapped her tightly in his arms. He could feel her screaming but there was no noise coming out, she was freezing and horribly clammy he discovered but he thanked god he finally had hold of her, she was safe. Her arms came round his neck and she clung on to him like her very life depended on it. "I can't get out of my costume on my own and I've wet myself coughing I'm sorry" she sobbed utterly humiliated. He hushed her patiently "Anna, baby I AM here, I came to get you. I won't let you die. I would never let anything happen to you. You're not dying darling. You're ill and you're dehydrated. You're going to get better" he reassured her "As for wetting yourself, it isn't your fault Anna, you couldn't help it you've been trapped in here for over 12 hours, the same would have happened to me. I can't hold on for that long and I'm not stuck in a ridiculous costume that takes 2 people to get you in and out of! No one will ever know but me I promise. I'll be the only one helping you when we get out of here" he was soft with her. He looked at her properly this time now that he had her safe, her stage makeup was all over her face, her face was deathly pale and she was covered in sweat but he still thought that she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. He touched her cheek but she was still freezing so he moved her to a sitting position and he propped her against the lift wall but she slid so he caught her, held her up with one arm and dragged the bag over to them. "Oh god" she moaned "I'm going to be sick." "Anna, you're not going to be sick. Everything's fine. I couldn't live if you died Anna so get that out of your mind right now." he told her firmly. He propped her up against him and wiped her face with a handful of wet wipes, he stroked her wet hair back off her face and got some fresh wipes to take the rest of her makeup off. He thought that would make her feel better, her grateful moan told him that he was right, he wriggled then until he was behind her leaning on the side of the elevator and she was resting on his chest and sat between his legs. He figured she'd had enough of lying on the hard floor or leaning on the wall. He was gratified when she immediately relaxed against him. He had to turn the torch off because it was running out of power "I'm sorry Bjorn" she wheezed "I don't care that you're not really here, it makes me feel better to talk to you. I can't see you!" she sounded wretched. "Anna, I want you to try and drink for me. You're dehydrated. I am here my darling. You can't see me because I'm saving the torch but I know you can feel me. Concentrate on me Baby" He held the bottle to her lips and tipped it as she drank. He was surprised that she finished a whole bottle all at once though. She sighed in relief and turned until she was snuggled into his neck. "If I'm going to die in an elevator there's no one else I'd rather die with you know" Bjorn couldn't help the tears that welled in his eyes at her unguarded words. "Oh Anna, how the hell did we ever get into this mess?" he asked dejectedly and pressed his lips to her hair tenderly "I make you crazy, I'm stubborn and I annoy the hell out of you and you can't live with me anymore" she whispered painfully. "I'm an..an encumbrance to you" he recognised words that he'd flung at her in the middle of heated arguments. "I didn't mean any of it Baby. I was just angry and sad. I know you think I don't care but I do" he tried to reassure her "I won't ever have you alone again will I?" Anna choked. Before he even had a chance to answer she answered for him "no of course I won't" she sighed and Bjorn tried to figure out what he wanted to say. "I am sorry Bjorn. I'm sorry I'm all those things you say I am and more. I'm sorry I make you mad with me, I'm sorry I'm always an inconvenience to you, I'm sorry I'm a burden. I hope Lena makes you happy. I love you. I'll always love you but I have to let you go because I want you to be happy" He felt her relax against him once she'd said her piece and he wondered if she had gone to sleep. It gave him much time to think. Darkness brings a certain level of clarity he found. He admitted to himself finally where his temper was stemming from, he faced his own failings, he faced her issues and he thought of his children. He worried as her breathing worsened and he could hear her throat rattling as she breathed, how he could have missed this he didn't know. He woke her and managed to get her to take a painkiller and an antibiotic. He covered them both with the blanket and wrapped himself around her comfortably cocooning her so that his body heat would stop her constant shivering. He realised in those long hours waiting for rescue that all he actually wanted was right here in his arms and he needed to grow the fuck up. He truly imagined what life would be like without her and found he couldn't bear the thought of it. In that darkness, he let go of everything and cried for what he'd done, what she had done and suffered and what his children had suffered because of them fighting. He thought of what Frida had said about finding her someone else who deserved her and would treat her right and his mind and body burned with jealousy. He didn't deserve her but he'd fight for her. Is that how she felt when she saw him with Lena? Did she still love him enough to be hurt by it? She said she did and that gave him some hope that he didn't deserve. He was heartbroken that she thought she was a burden to him and so angry with himself that he had made her feel that way.
His thoughts were interrupted by her shifting. He felt her explore his chest and his shoulders "It IS you. You did come" she breathed painfully. "I hate that I can't see you I thought I was hallucinating again but I don't think I am" she sounded confused "no baby you're not, I did come looking for you as soon as we realised you were missing. I'm right here and I won't leave you darling." She sighed "I'm sorry Bjorn. I always cause you so many issues. I didn't mean to get stuck in the lift. I just wanted to go to bed. I can't deny that I'm glad you're here though. My throat is so sore. My chest aches" she rubbed her nose and sighed. "I'm glad it's dark now. You can't see me, I must look dreadful." She touched his face. "Are you crying?" she whispered "What's happened?" Bjorn said "Anna baby you've been missing for 12 hours. I've been through a hundred kinds of hell and I've learnt a lot about myself in that time" He stopped to consider his next words. "Anna, we do need to talk properly we are both too stubborn and passionate. I walk away because it's easier, you walk away because it upsets you too much and you want to protect the kids.  Neither of us can run away here, we need that I think and I know you're ill but I need to talk and you need to listen, I need to listen to you. What we say in here will stay with us only but I'm going to start with I'm sorry for the way I've been treating you. It's inexcusable. Deep down its because I'm angry at myself for letting this happen to us. I'm going to follow that with I love you very much baby" he took a breath and said "I've had a hard lesson today in what my life would really be like without you in it. I'm arrogant and I find it hard to admit when I've done wrong but I know I have done you wrong baby and I'm very sorry"
Anna thought she was still hallucinating and she said "Are you for real?" Bjorn stroked her hair and said "definitely, we are both too defensive and reactive Anna. Here, finally we have no choice but to stay no matter how uncomfortable it gets, no matter how much we have to fight until we've talked it out." She stayed silent for a while then she sighed and whispered painfully "we'll just end up yelling Bjorn, I can't do it anymore" she sounded defeated "You chose her" he soothed her through a sudden coughing fit "Anna please listen, we need this. Its going to hurt us both but we need to get it all out and we need to talk about all of it. I know it doesn't seem like it but I DO care" he sighed "and I know I don't deserve your time but I HAVE to try" "Everything?" Anna whispered "Everything!" he confirmed firmly. He rummaged in his jeans pocket and gently pulled out the photo booth pictures and felt for the torch. He flashed it on being careful to point it at the pictures. He held them in front of her with his arms round her. "I found these in your purse earlier when I was looking for you and I couldn't resist taking them for a while. Look at us Anna, look how amazing we were. Do you love me as much now as you did in these pictures?" Anna stroked the pictures with her thumb. "No. No I don't Bjorn" Bjorn's hopes were crushed in an instant and he couldn't stop the moan of protest that came from his mouth. She reached out from under the blanket and turned the torch off so they were plunged into blackness. "I didn't understand really what love was then. I thought I loved you then and I did but it is nothing to how I love you now. I love you so much more and in so many different ways than I did then, but it doesn't seem to matter now , I wish I could stop loving you sometimes" she said sadly. "Well I DON'T. It does matter Anna" said Bjorn fiercely. "Bjorn, I don't make you happy anymore, you told me! You told me you didn't love me like you did. That's why I left. I couldn't stand not making you happy and everything I tried to say came out wrong, we always end up in an argument. Loving someone means wanting them to be happy and it's why I have to let you go" she rasped "Well I'm a fucking idiot and a liar protecting himself. You do make me happy. You light up the room when you come in, I crave your company. You make me laugh and you turn me on with just a look" he shared. He knew he had never said any of this to her before and he should have. "When I realised you were missing the bottom truly fell out of my world." She wriggled closer if it was possible and whispered "it would be easier for you if I weren't here. You have a new life now and Lena hates me" "Anna, I don't want a new life, it isn't easier without you it's horrendous and even if it was easier it wouldn't fucking matter! I've finally admitted to myself in this god awful lift that I don't want Lena, I've known it since the very start if I'm honest, I just needed to prove to you that I could live without you because you left me and now I'm admitting it to your face. I didn't CHOOSE her over you, I know it seems like that to you but it isn't, she was easy and convenient Anna. You battered my heart and my ego. Lena is just my bloody ego not wanting you to see how much I'm hurting without you. I can't go on like this, I just want you and I don't want you to let me go. I need you to come back to me. When you said I wouldn't care if you died, you couldn't be further away from the truth. It would be the end of me. I would never survive losing you baby. Never." "Bjorn, you can't mean this. You're just saying all this to keep me calm. We fight all the time, you get angry with me about ABBA, I get angry with you about the kids" "Talk to me about the kids and ABBA" said Bjorn. "I promise I won't interrupt. Tell me again how you feel. I know you've tried many times before and I've chewed you out and walked away but I promise I'll listen this time" Anna sighed "I don't know Bjorn, we've tried so many times and we just end up hurting each other more, you were right. I'm not cut out for it anymore, I'm holding ABBA back. I'm going to leave after this tour. You and Benny and Frida love it all, you deserve it. Anyone can do what I do. I want you all to stay right at the top. I'd be proud of you all, I would be right behind you all the way. I don't want to be a burden to any of you anymore" Bjorn felt like all the oxygen had been pulled from his lungs "You can't mean that?" he gasped "I was angry Anna, frustrated. I didn't mean it, I never meant any of it!" "You'll find a better voice than mine, someone who can handle it all without collapsing. I'm a liability, everyone has to look after me. I need help just0 getting on a plane" she whispered "I want you all to be happy. I want you to have what you need and to make that happen I need to leave, let you all fly high" Bjorn felt his whole world shift under him "Anna, you can't leave, you can't leave me. You're what I need" he could hear the rising panic in his own voice "If you leave there is no ABBA , there's no one that can do what you do. You are the heartbeat of ABBA. Without any one of us it isn't ABBA" he hugged her tighter to him "You're utterly irreplaceable Anna in so many ways" he murmured painfully "I'm not, you've proved I'm not, Lena is doing a better job than me. She makes you happy and I can't no matter how hard I try" her words ended in an distressed wail that ripped his heart to pieces. Bjorn finally heard her true agony at their situation "You have it all wrong Anna" he pleaded "I've never been so unhappy in my life! Please try to listen. How can I be happy when the woman who is the other half of myself, my soulmate isn't with me? That's you Anna in case you were wondering" he gave her a frustrated shake "Lena means nothing to me, she can't hold a candle to you. She made it easy for me to hurt you like you hurt me. She's never made me happy" he finally admitted it to himself and her "Only you make me happy. I knew it then and I know it now" he relaxed a bit as he felt her fingers link through his and hold on tightly "You seem to think that I want to stop ABBA Bjorn. I don't. I love it, just not the touring. I love the studio work. I love working with you. I love videos. I could even handle little tours or one off gigs. The relentless touring scares me shitless and you don't help. You shout at me and get cross at me but I can't help being scared, I try my best for you, I do it for you. The crowds are huge. All you ever needed to do was hold my hand. I wanted to be more to you than just a voice and that's all I am now. If my voice goes you won't love me or want me anymore and that terrifies me because I would love you through anything" she ran out of air and coughed so violently that Bjorn was concerned anew for her, when she was recovered and leaning exhaustedly on him he said urgently "I never, ever meant to make you feel like that! You are everything to me I know that now. I'm not good at showing it, that I love you but I will be better" he begged. "I'll always love and want you, even when you're fat and old and grey Anna baby. I thought you wanted to end ABBA, I really did." "No Bjorn, I never did. I just wanted it to change a bit. I don't want to leave the kids, Christian is so young and Linda grows so fast" She sighed "Bjorn, I know I'm not blameless. I'm jealous and I have a horrible temper. I'm stubborn and I don't think things through" she stopped to catch her breath and cough "I'm very sorry about my mood swings, I don't know how to cope with them myself so I shouldn't expect you to. I love Christian with everything I am Bjorn but I feel so ugly and unattractive since he was born. You wouldn't touch me, I must have disgusted you and I know I should have been happy with Christian, I was but inside I was so sad, it was all so dark." Bjorn thought back "Oh Anna, why didn't you say? Why didn't you tell me, make me listen? Never ever did you disgust me. Never!! Is that what you thought?" he was beyond horrified, she was so far from the truth that it was tragic "My god Anna why didn't we talk?? What happened to us?" his own voice was overtaken with emotion  "Because I was a failure, I didn't want to admit it to myself let alone you. You were so busy all the time. When you went off me I knew that I was right about me. We just argued all the time and I couldn't face it, I just can't cope with you being so angry with me. It hurts me" she sounded absolutely terrible "Anna I didn't go off you as you put it, I have always wanted you. I should have told you that but Christian's birth was so traumatic that I couldn't imagine you'd ever want me again" he told her honestly "You needed time to heal but we never seemed to come back from that. We lost each other and that never should have happened but we didn't seem able to talk. That was my fault because I know you tried but I couldn't admit that I was jealous of my own children and I'm a proud man who couldn't admit we had problems especially in the bedroom. We never did before and I didn't know how to make it better I'm sorry for that Anna" he said sincerely " I just needed you to love me through it, I just needed you and I didn't know how to ask when I felt so hideous. I couldn't expect you to love me like I was and I didn't want to hear you say that you didn't" she whispered sadly "You deserve to be happy Bjorn, I know that I hold you back. You're destined for bigger and better things. You don't deserve a crazy woman like me" she whispered "I know that, I'm not stupid" "Anna.." he started "you said you wouldn't interrupt." he subsided. "I love our kids to the ends of the world Bjorn but I love you as much and more but in a different way and I'm sorry if I ever made you feel I loved them more. It's just different. I had no right to feel depressed after Christian was born but I couldn't help my terrible moods. I don't blame you for thinking badly of me then, I was awful but I couldn't control it and I'm sorry" she choked and her voice faded to nothing. Bjorn put a gentle hand over her mouth in the dark. "Listen to me, we need to sort the bedroom issues right now, clearly its been festering for both of us. There wasn't a moment that I didn't love you, nor a moment that I didn't want to touch you. There has never been a time when I didn't want to make you mine over and over, never been a time when you've failed to stir me to the point of insanity. Whether you are tired, pregnant, not pregnant, voluptuous or slim. Whether you are knee deep in dirty nappies or sweaty with me on stage, whether you're yelling at me because I'm an arsehole or because your hormones are fucking about with your mind it doesn't matter, I want you. By the time I realised something was really wrong after Christian was born I was scared to hurt you, it's not manly to admit we had issues with something that we've never once had issues with before" he sighed "Christ this is hard, Anna I know you better than anyone and I should have forced the issue but it was easier NOT to. For that I am also truly sorry, I should have been more supportive and helped you, I should have listened to you and I regret that I didn't. I'm just not comfortable sharing our issues with a counsellor which is why I didn't do very well with it. I'd rather just talk to you about it. I'd like to think that after this we could do that now" he said honestly. Anna I love the kids as much as you do, I should never have made you choose. They are the light of my life baby and I wouldn't be without them. They are what we made together and I couldn't love them more than I already do" he told her gently. Anna touched his hand and he removed it "they need you Bjorn, they need their Papa. I understand what ABBA entails more than most but could you make a day that's always just for them, just one day a week? and make studio times so that just sometimes you're home for bedtime or to eat with us? That's all we need. I want you to be happy and succeed but I want you to remember us sometimes" she wriggled and her lips touched his jaw gently "Bjorn, there has never been a moment that I haven't wanted you either but I wasn't sure how you felt, you had to witness some terrible things when Christian was born and without you there I would have given up the fight and maybe both of us would have died. I needed you and you didn't leave me. It took both of us to bring that baby into the world Bjorn but you saw things that no husband should ever have to see. I don't know how you can look at me and not see it all over again. I don't remember some of it but I know you remember all of it" she tried to clear her throat "I don't know if you can ever see your way past it" he felt her tears dripping onto his shirt Bjorn was humbled and tearful "Anna, what I see in front of me is a courageous warrior of a woman and that's what I've always seen. Anything I saw is nothing compared to what you went through. It doesn't stop me wanting you" he shifted a little "and I promise that I will change the way I do things, you and the kids come first. I have learnt where I went wrong " "I did wrong too Bjorn and I'm sorry. I should have trusted in you, in us. I should have asked you before dragging you to a counsellor, I thought it would be easier to say things but it made it worse, it made both of us shut down. I'm sorry I did that, we are both private people and looking back on it it would never have worked for us" she sighed  "I'll never regret our marriage ever, I'm sorry for how its ended but I'll never regret it. I wish we had been brave like this before now" her tears started again and she put her hand on his cheek and said "I do wish you happiness Bjorn. You deserve someone who can do the tours, who hasn't got crazy hang ups. I know you love the tours and the craziness. I won't take it away from you, I never would. I will leave Abba, you'll find someone better than me" she repeated. His hand came up to cover her lips in the dark and he said "For the last time, No Anna you won't. Without you there is no ABBA. You say you can't do it without me, what makes you think I can do it without you?? I need you by my side. I need to hear you always. There is no one better than you. I don't want or need anyone else, just you. ABBA was born out of love and when we end it, we end it together. We're finally being honest with each other now, by the time we get out of here I swear we will have talked about all of our troubles. I know there will be more to come and we will always argue but that's us, its how we tick. I want our relationship so much more than I ever have now that I've nearly lost you. I can't promise I won't make mistakes baby but I won't make the same ones. We won't ever stop talking again. If we do need a counsellor then I'm willing to try again I realise now that you were trying to save us but not HIM I didn't like him" he told her honestly then he took a breath. "Are you saying what you think I want you to say?" Anna was choked. His arms tightened around her and he sounded scared. "Oh god I hope so Anna. I don't want us to divorce baby. I want to stay with you. I love you so fucking much it scares me. I want you to come home. I want to work this out with you" There was silence from Anna as she tried to get her head around the fact that Bjorn loved her still. "Frida said she would find someone else for you, someone who loved you for who you are, come what may. Tell me she doesn't need to, I'm that man. I promise I'm that man. Come home, I DO need you Anna. I miss you, I miss the kids" he pleaded. She pulled away from him and his heart sank like a stone. He covered his eyes as the tears came, he had lost her. He didn't deserve her. His life as he had known it was over and he knew it. He had no one to blame but himself.
He felt her small hands feeling for him, pulling his hands away from his eyes and wiping away his tears "Bjorn. I wish I could fucking see you. I hate the dark. I love you. I love you too. I've always loved you. I want us. More than you know, I want to work this out with you too, we don't need a counsellor we just need us" she croaked "I've been stuck in this lift for who knows how long, I must look terrible and I know I smell. God knows I need a wee but for all that" she paused as if gathering her courage "Bjorn Ulvaeus, you wonderful, brave, beautiful man, will you please give me my world back? I want to celebrate every anniversary with you, I want to see you every day of my life, I want to wake up with you when we are old and fat and grey, I want as many children as you'll give me and I want to sing with you until my voice fades away. Can you handle all that?" her voice gave out at the last but he heard her loud and clear.
"Fuck me, YES!" he yelled at her and grabbed her tightly to him "Who is the brave one now?" he murmured. He tried to kiss her but she pulled away ."Bjorn please don't I smell awful" she protested "No you don't you smell like my woman and I love it. Now shut up and let me kiss you, its been too long" he demanded gently "Bjorn I don't want you to be ill. I want you well, you don't want my bugs." she mumbled "I don't care!" he told her firmly but in deference to her illness he contented himself with peppering her face with gentle kisses "stop the divorce Bjorn when we get out of here" she asked "it'll be the third thing we do" he promised. "What's the other two?" enquired Anna somewhat indignantly. " First getting rid of Lena, she changed your room it must have been her, I've had long enough to think about it. Benny and Frida think I sent you up there to keep you away from me. I swear on my life I didn't. I need you near me" "I did think you wanted me out of the way" Anna admitted "but it hurts seeing you together so...." she stopped "Its lonely" Bjorn hugged her a bit tighter "Its over Anna, we will survive all this, we're going to celebrate so many anniversaries. "I was about ready to knock her out" Anna grumbled hoarsely. Bjorn snorted and laughed. He pulled her back into his arms treasuring the feel of her "the second is cancelling the gig Anna, its much more important to get you better" he insisted and whatever was left of her doubts were swept away by his simple statement of intent.
When the emergency services finally managed to get them moving Bjorn wrapped her tightly in the blanket so that she was safely covered from curious eyes and he carried her out of that lift knowing that their relationship had forever changed, it was forged in steel now and nothing and no one would ever break them again.
So it was, it came pass that Bjorn and his Anna never did divorce, they went on to have two more children, Lena became nothing more than a distant memory and ABBA morphed into something new. Benny and Frida went from strength to strength and the four of them took on the world. Bjorn made sure he always held her hand just like he promised.
All it took was a never ending love story and an elevator.