heartsick [s.m]

one

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[anya]
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"avery penelope mendes, if you don't get changed into your dress i won't give you extra cookies, and i'll tell auntie jasmine to not give you any either," i warn my four year old, as she rushes about the kitchen, giggling, only dressed in one of shawns old merch t-shirts, and a pair of pink fairy wings on her back.

"but mommy! i'm chasing the fairies!" she giggles, squealing to herself as she brings her hands to the air, squeezing down on nothing in particular.

"hunny- be careful-" i start, seeing her running about the middle kitchen island, extremely fast for anyone her age, as she continues to laugh to herself. "alright ave, come on, we have to get to your dads and-"

"daddy!" she cheers, stopping immediately in her tracks. "will stupid nata be there?"

"avery penelope!" i gasp, crouching down next to her as i hold in my laughs, feeling the same way about shawns new girlfriend as my daughter does. "you can't say that!"

"but she's so annoying," she huffs. "and she tells me off for colouring!"

"well you come and find me if she gives you any trouble, okay baby?" i ask, as avery grins, nodding her head, her brown curls she inherited from shawn wildly falling about her shoulders.

"okay mommy, love you," she says, jumping forward and wrapping her arms around me.

"i love you more sweetie, now go get dressed, okay?" she nods in response, running away to her bedroom, the faint noise of her talking to herself floating into the main room.

i can't deny these last four years have been difficult.

as soon as shawn finished his tour four years ago, that's when the breakup settled in for real. avery was getting older, and with that, there were so many stages that shawn and i both needed help with. whether that was when she bashed her head on shawns coffee table whilst crawling, and i had to pick her up from the hospital, or when she ate a crayon whilst being right under my nose, and shawn had to see her vomit up bright pink pieces, we needed help, but we didn't admit it.

flash forward three years, shawn had decided to do a north american tour, after his very long break to focus on looking after avery.

that was when i found it extremely difficult. the tour was only three months long, but within those three months, avery got tonsillitis, and i didn't sleep for about two weeks straight.

although shawn and i were broken up, we both knew we had to be civil for avery's sake, and that's what we kept up with. it definitely was difficult at times, but as avery was getting older, i was more than grateful shawn and i still decided to talk to each other without sending death threats.

in the last six months, shawn had found himself a new girlfriend. tall, brunette, model-like natalie. she was half french, knew the language fluently, and had that killer parisian smile, one that i would die for; not a single imperfection about her.