Never question the advice of an elderly turtle.
In my numerous experiences and infrequent travels I have found that they are seldom wrong. One time I had found myself in quite a predicament, my wife of 281 years had left me, taking with her the house and our 12 children. I had been sober for 92 years but in that moment of weakness I returned to my old friend, Alcoholic Beverages. As I was sitting at the bar, weeping into my Alcoholic Beverage, an ancient turtle seated himself next to me. He glanced over at me, assessed my situation, and muttered these life-changing words "If you ever get thinkin' sad just remember it ain't you, it's this goddamn planet rotatin' on it's axis.". Now, whenever I want to give into the urges of the Alcoholic Beverages I remember that wise old turtles words and all my worries melt away.
Now, the reason I shared my advice on the advice of turtles is due to a story I heard on The Library. A fellow pinged me and struck up a conversation with me. As we were chatting the topic of knife fights was brought up, and he had quite the story to tell about those.
"So, it was 'bout 4 years ago and I was riding on my Fast Bike, just minding my own buisness in the leisure lane. Then, all of a sudden, this fella' starts bumping me with his Super Fast Bike. He's bein' all aggressive about it and I'm not an aggressive guy so I just pull over. He stops too and hops outta' his Super Fast Bike to walk over to me. Now, I'm gettin' kinda scared so I pull out my Hand Grenade and whip it at him, in self defense of course. Now he's, ya know, everywhere and I'm standing there frozen in place. Then, maybe 6 or 15 guys hop outta that Super Fast Bike and they all got knives. I was fresh out of Hand Grenades then, totally defenseless, when this huge turtle comes swoopin' in. It was pretty amazing, I never seen one of them do somethin' like that. And then he told me "Just let nature do it's thing, dude, and slink your way outta' here, man." I was, like, outta' my mind at this point and I don't know what to do. So I just pull out my emergency blade and start slashing like crazy. I mighta hit turtle, or one of them 45 guys, who knows. But next thing I know they're all dead. Crazy, right?"
At this point I had ended all connections with this man and thrown my tablet out the window so much of that was likely never said, I just assumed that was where he was going with his lively story. Now that that matter has been cleared I will leave you to your work. Thank you for listening and I hope you have a lovely day. I advise you to never forget this advice.
