Anything Could Happen (A Richard Simmons Oneshot)

Anything Could Happen (A Richard Simmons Short Story)

A/N: This story is based off of an answer for a question in a test I had last Friday. It was a bonus question and my entire class is in love with Richard Simmons' fabulousness, so my teacher added this: In question #10, what would Richard Simmons do? (It was a science test and the question #10 was something like "You are crossing the street and a car comes straight at you. Explain with proper vocabulary, what would be happening in your nervous system?") The question resulted in a two paragraph, page long answer and this story.

PS: On a side note, somebody tried to break into my house. Keyword: tried.

Richard Simmons was taking a walk through town on a nice, sunny day.

He hit the button to cross the busy street and began crossing. Halfway through crossing, a crazy driver was going full speed ahead towards Richard.

Luckily, he was wearing his short shorts, which provided speed and agility.

There was approximately 10 seconds before the car hit Richard. Normal people would run away, but not Richard Simmons!

Sweat was beading down his face, but his magical, puffy afro-like hair somehow absorbed the sweat-to make sure he doesn't smell bad (except for his hair).

5 seconds left.

4,

3,

2,

1.

The 1998 Toyota Corolla rammed straight into Richard's abs and groin.

His rock hard abs absorbed the hit and rebound it back to the car, sending it flying off into the distance.

A loud "YAAAAAYYYY!" erupted from Richard's vocal cords.

Richard grabbed his thighs and rubbed his hands up and down seductively, slightly lifting his short shorts higher and higher each time while walking.

The witnesses around Richard stared at him with their jaws dropped. Most of the people were holding their cellular telephones and had most of the footage recorded.

Richard continued cheerfully crossing the street as if nothing happened and left the scene without a scratch on him.

The next day...

Social media exploded.

Well, that was sort of an exaggeration.

A couple of videos of Richard Simmons sending a car flying off his abs were uploaded onto YouTube. Millions of views were accumulated over a day.

News broadcasts all around the world told news stories about Richard Simmons and promoted his old "Sweatin' to the Oldies" VCR tapes or DVDs.

Many people saw the rave about Richard Simmons and a lot of them bought his VCR tapes and DVDs. Teachers would bring them into their classrooms and show the kids who haven't seen Richard Simmons videos his wonderful aerobic dance moves. Businesses would have meetings to discuss the videos.

Soon after the video of Richard Simmons reflecting a car off his abs went viral, almost everybody would know all his moves. Current (or potential) couples would seduce each other with the always satisfying thigh rubbing and hip thrusting. Kids would punch the air side to side and go super saiyan multiple times at school. At funerals, people mourning in black would suddenly pump their fists up and scream out "YAY!" randomly after a burial.

As time went on, more and more people learned the signature Richard Simmons moves and taken it upon themselves to dance them everywhere. Hairdressers would get bombarded with people wanting the Richard Simmons style fuzzy afro. Every clothing shop sold his signature fabulously short shorts, with prices rising day after day.

As well as dressing as him, society learned to talk like Richard Simmons and think like Richard Simmons everyday. The only celebrity who was the big thing, is Richard Simmons. Former celebrities learned the ways of living like Richard Simmons. The only role model left was Richard Simmons. No more Albert Einstein, Malala, Gandhi, or even Mother Theresa as role models. Richard Simmons is the only one who is a valid role model.

After about a year of this commotion, everybody would have known who Richard Simmons is, dresses like him, dances his moves and talks like him everywhere. The entire world's population turned into Richard Simmons after one small incident.

Just remember: Richard Simmons is love, Richard Simmons is life.