An angel without wings/365 Days Without You - Yoonmin oneshot

An angel without wings / 365 days without you

Jimin, today is the day. The day when we have been apart from eachother for a year. I'm still shocked and can't believe that I've actually survived these 365 days without you.
I don't even know why I'm writing this letter, it's not like you could read this..
A bit before it happened, when you were leaving..I didn't get to tell you how much I love you. How much I wanted to kiss your soft and home-like lips. How much I want you beside me right now..How I can't live without you, how you left an forever lasting mark to my heart.

Yes, the boys have been supporting me..But that's it. They haven't helped me actually at all. They just keep repeating the same words: "It'll be alright." "You should move on Yoongi"
They just won't get it..I can't. I've tried. I just can't forget you this easily.

I haven't been dating anyone after that, and I'm not going to either. I couldn't do it to you. I still love you. I know that if you were in this situation..well, you would have moved on and have a family by now maybe. You wouldn't care. You wouldn't even remember me. If they mentioned my name, then you would just shrug your shoulders and say 'oh yeah, him.'

I still remember your last words. "I love you three times to the moon and back, Yoongi"
Why did I have to be mad to you?
Why didn't I answer to you?
Would it have changed anything?
Would you have stayed?
Would you still be here?

"Yoongi?" I hear Hoseok's voice echoing in the hallway, and I quickly hide the letter I was writing for Jimin. The boys must think that I don't remember what day today is. I dry my tears and force a fake smile on my red face: "Yeah?"

"Yoongi.." Hoseok whispers with a worried tone when he appears on the doorway of my room.
"You remembered?" He bites his lip and I keep trying to hold back my tears. I sigh deeply and nod, letting a couple of tears fall from my eyes.
I let the pain slip out of my eyes as tears. I let all the pain come out and Hoseok pulls me in a tight hug.

"I'm so sorry" he whispers and hugs me even tighter.

"Everythings okay" I mumble and dry my tears on the sleeves of my shirt. Or actually it's Jimin's shirt and it still smells like him. I haven't used the shirt unless I miss him so much that it actually hurts everywhere. I haven't washed the shirt since the incident.

"I'll leave you alone now" Hoseok says and I nod.
"But remember that if you need to talk me and the boys are here for you." He whispers and I nod once again. Then he leaves.
"He remembers and is all broken." I hear hoseok telling to the other boys.

Then I turn back to the letter, this time letting the tears ruin the paper full of my ink writings. I put the pen's tip back to the paper and sigh.

The boys don't get it at all. They have no idea how much I miss you. They haven't lost anyone so important as you were to me. Of course they loved you too, but they have moved on. And it hurts. You'll never get to see this letter but i'm still gonna write this. It makes me feel like you're close to me even though you are so far away.

You hurt me though, you know? A couple of weeks ago Jungkook revealed me that you and him had a one night thing while we were together.
But then he also told me that you didn't love him, that you only loved me, and that-

I throw the letter away from me and get up from my uncomfortable chair.

I walk the empty and dark hallway, towards the very familiar room with a white door which has a knob covered with dust. There's a ripped paper on the door with a name written on it and there's small drawings around it. Under the name there is a small text which makes me have troubles with breathing.

J I M I N
! Only Yoongi can come in without knocking !

I haven't opened this door since last year.
I turn the knob and open the door smelling Jimin's safe scent.

I feel the burning urge to cry, but I force it away and walk in the room. I feel a couple of tears falling down on my cheeks as I walk to the window. I lean against the windowsill.
Suddenly a memory comes in my mind.
I remember how Jimin and I were fighting about some stupid book and then we just ended up kissing against the window.

There's too much memories in this room and I don't want anyone else to come to this room or touch anything. Never ever.
I watch as it's raining outside and the rain hits the window. Even the sky is crying.

I open one of Jimin's closets and immediately smell a smell of old wood. I look at the back of the closet and see a small box. It's a box where we used to keep our shared stuff. I put it here after the incident. I lift up the box and open it. There's a dusty notebook which I take in my hand and open it.

Yoongi! Youre awesome!! Never change a thing about yourself! <3
- Jimin ♡

I sigh. It was seriously a bad idea to come here. I can't handle this. I keep looking through the notebook and turning pages until I see a page which is a bit ripped and wrinkled but the text  is still clear.

Yoongi, there is gonna be a day when I'm not here with you anymore. When I'm gone. The day will come eventually. Someday. I know you will find this then. But remember this, my love, I will always be there for you. In your heart.
I will never leave you. Even right now I'm there with you. Wiping your tears, stroking your hair when you sleep, hugging you when you feel bad.
Remember to move on. You and the boys. Everyone.
I'm always with you<3

- Jimin, with love <3  [A:N: oh mY MY MY]
Ps. Yoongi you look even more prettier from heaven.

And then. That is too much. The tears start running down my cheeks and I sob loudly. I press the dusty notebook against my chest and hug it tightly. After I've cried a bit I put the notebook back to the box and push the box back in the closet. I get up and try to control my shaky body.

I walk back to my room and pick the letter up, returning back to writing it, still crying a lot.

Park Jimin. You were the most important person in my life. I'm pretty sure I will never get used to the fact that you are actually gone. I will always blame myself about your death.
I will always miss you.

I fold the letter and put it in it's envelope. Then I leave my room and put my coat on. I put the envelope on my coat's pocket and go out.
It's still raining but I don't mind it. It covers my tear stained face.
Then I enter to the graveyard. I know exactly where Jimin's gravestone is and I walk there.

There it is.

Park Jimin
1995-2016

Why?
Why did he have to kill himself?
Why would he do that to me?
Could I have done anything to change things?
Was I not enough?

"I'm so sorry.." I whisper quietly.

"I love you too, Jiminie." I whisper once again and quietly put the letter on the ground in front of the gravestone.

"I guess you were just an angel who missed his home" I say quietly and look at his gravestone as it starts raining harder.

~~~

OOOOF

THIS TOOK ME YEARS TO CREATE-- (okay only 3 hours--)

I'm sorry if there's any writingmistkes or grammarmistakes
I'm too tired to proofread it---

HoPe you liked it!!<3

Words: 1375