Dear Stanley [Watty's 2019. Completed]

Breeze and Me

Wednesday, March 27

Dear Stanley,

Sorry, I know I haven't written in a few days. It's because I've mostly been with Breeze. Or my thoughts have been occupied by her. We are getting closer every day.

We've become friends so easily, it's kind of scary. But I'm starting to notice something.

Her fan club is decreasing.

When I walked into English this morning, I saw that only a handful of people were around her. The other people who were desperate for her attention at first (like Mike and Scott) were sitting in their seats. Mike was playing a game on his phone and Scott was flirting to another girl in my class, Willow.

Breeze doesn't seem to notice, or even care. She seems to be the happiest person in the world whenever she sees me. She looks at me unlike anyone else. Like I'm worth talking to. Like I'm worth being friends with. Every time I enter the class, she acts like no one else exists.

Other people aren't happy with our friendship. They don't seem to like the fact that the invisible Nicolas has befriended the most beautiful, interesting, and exotic girl in the entire town.

For example, one day, Peter said, "I don't know what Breeze sees in him, I'm clearly the better choice." It was obviously meant for the entire class to hear. My face felt hot with shame, while Breeze on the other hand, seemed content. She acted as if she didn't hear anything. She does that a lot - whenever someone insults me. I think she's trying to make me fend for myself, but I can't ever think of an insult to say.

Another day, Mike shoved me while I was on my to History and snarled in my face, "She's going to leave you eventually loser." I've heard that before from Ashley and I've thought about it to the point where it doesn't scare me anymore. It's still something I'd rather not talk about.

There are plenty of other examples, but I can't recall them. Truth be told, the insults don't bother me. I've become immune to them. And as long as no one utters a word against Breeze, I think we'll be OK.

Lunch and English are my favorite periods. Breeze and me always have lunch together - only the two of us. We always meet by the secluded garden area and sit on that rock. Every lunch, she opens her thermos full of delicious rice while I unwrap my ugly sandwich. Then she offers some of her food even though I always decline. I learned that her grandma is the one who prepares her lunch.

I've learned lots of random facts about her through our encounters. Things like she loves the color yellow, she hates jewelry even though she wears tons of it everyday (I don't know why she does it), and she loves winter.

But I've also learned more serious things too. Things like, she doesn't have a good relationship with her parents, she lives with her grandmother and sometime she gets very sad and it happens very quickly. It's unpredictable almost.

I think Breeze is a very careful person behind the carefree facade she wears. She chooses what she likes and what she doesn't wisely. Even the seemingly harmless facts have a deeper meaning to them.

For example, the color yellow symbolizes sunshine and happiness which is why she likes it. She doesn't like jewelry because it's annoying to put on and keep track of but she wears it because of the clattering sounds it makes - it means people notice her when she enters a room because of her jewelry. And lastly, she likes winter because she says the snow and the cold is a great and beautiful way to stay numb and unfeeling.

Breeze also started calling me Nic. I decided to not give Breeze a nickname, her name is gorgeous just the way it is.

It makes me happy that she has a nickname for me because having a nickname for someone makes your relationship with them more intimate in a way.

Like how you used to call me kid, or squirt. And I'd call you Stan.

Breeze is also a great distraction from the fighting going on at home. It is getting worse, Stanley. I haven't heard Dad yell yet but his voice has started to raise. Mom is always nagging him about something, and it's beginning to annoy even me. Sometimes I hear sobbing, Moms sobbing. I don't ever dare to go down to console her though, not after what happened last time. The bruise fading on my cheek burns every time I think of how I got it.

I haven't spoken to my parents in some time, but I'm not missing them much to my surprise. Breeze makes up for all the attention they don't give me. She actually tries unlike them.

And finally, it's getting so hard to keep my hands to myself Stanley. I find stupid excuses to make my arms brush past hers, like I pretend to drop a pencil  or a wrapper. They always want to touch her, to caress her. My thoughts have started going towards places they have never gone before, places dirty yet exciting in a way.

I'm getting hot all over just thinking about her. My pajama pants are tightening around the...area.

I've definitely stared at her glossy red lips an unhealthy amount of time. I want to trace a finger on them...

I want to kiss them.

Sometimes, when she wears a figure hugging shirt, I stare at her large chest too. I avert my gaze quickly though, I don't ever want her to find out that I do it.

Oh Stanley, I can't seem to stop the dirty thoughts from coming. I remember you used to give me advice on girls with a sly smile on your face, talking about their chest and backside. I never understood what was so like-able about those, but now I understand. I feel like I am so behind on all this girl stuff, being a freshmen and all, but it's only because I've never had a girl to focus on.

I think the only reason I'm going to school is because of her. My grades are officially at the worst they have ever been, and I'm definitely not going for those. In fact, I just failed a biology test.

It's funny because just a few months ago, I would've been all over the place about getting straight A's. But now, I just don't seem to have the energy to care.

Anyway, that's what's been going on in my life the past few days. It's pretty exciting for me, different but exciting.

I still miss you though.