Natural Love

Introduction

Ryan had been acting strangely ever since tour had ended. He was always tired and never wanted to go out with us anymore. It made me sad to see my boyfriend like this. He used to be so happy and upbeat. I didn't know what was wrong. I just assumed it was something minor. Something he would get over quickly. I learned later that this was not the case. A few weeks had gone by since I started noticing what was going on. We were walking in the park and Ryan said he didn't feel well and wanted to sit down. We sat for about ten minutes and right there he passed out. He wasn't breathing regularly. His chest went up and down a few time quickly then stopped for a few seconds. Someone called 911. It wasn't me. I watched as he was whisked away into an ambulance and taken to a nearby hospital. I wasn't allowed in the ambulance. I went home and then drove to the hospital. I waited in the emergency room waiting area. After what felt like days but was actually only an hour I saw Ryan. He looked sick and defeated. It was a sad sight to see but at least he was awake. "Brendon?" He asked softly. "Yes it's me baby," I went and sat on the chair next to him. "I'm glad you are ok," I said to him. "I'm glad I'm ok too," he said sweetly. At that moment a doctor walked in with a neutral look on her face which meant bad news. We both looked up at her. "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is from looking at your MRI scans you have a brain tumor," she said. My world was crushed. I couldn't believe the words that had just come out of her mouth. "Wh...what's the good news?" Ryan asked. The doctor smiled and said "Well the good news is that the is a good chance it isn't cancerous and we may be able to remove it with surgery. It is too early to tell though because we still need lab results which should be done by tonight. We are going to keep you over night for observation." That news didn't seem very good to me. At that point we were both crying. I didn't want to think about the fact that Ryan might die. It was terrible. He was my second half. "I love you so much. I have to go do some paperwork and make phone calls but I'll be back soon," I said to Ryan. I went down to the lobby and got the paperwork. I filled it out turned it in and went back to Ryan's room. "You're all set for the night," I said quietly. We cuddled and watched TV. It was going to be a long night. Every two hours the nurse came in and asked him various random questions. It was all very weird to me. At around 5:00 the doctor came back. This time she did not look neutral. She looked upset. "The tumor is cancerous and based on the location of the tumor we will not be able to remove it surgically. Chemotherapy is also not much of an option. We are going to do another MRI tomorrow and start your treatment plan. I'm very sorry," she said. My heart sank. Neither of us said anything. We looked at each other and cried. "I love you so much. I'm here for you through this entire journey. No matter what" He started sobbing loudly. "I love you too Bren," he choked out between tears. I was scared. He was mortified. Neither of us slept very much. If we did it was only for one or two hours at a time. The next morning we had our appointment with the treatment specialist. The room was very cheerful for a place that decided the fate of you or your loved one. We talked for a while about non-cancer related things like the band. Next she showed us the pictures of Ryan's head. It was heart wrenching. I wanted him to be ok. The treatment would go like this: 8 weeks of radiation, a vaccine trial, and daily medications to slow tumor growth. After that appointment we got to go home. The last two days had been a rollercoaster. Between love and sadness, it was a lot to handle all at once. As soon as we got home Ryan burst into tears. I hugged him and sighed. "We will get through this. We will. I promise. We will do it together." I said confidently even though I was super scared. I was so scared.