The Tales of a Professional Hockey Player

Chapter 27: Hungry

~Ben~

She seems surprised by my question. Her eyes are wide, and her jaw is dropping low on her face. Her eyes go from me to the floor a couple of times before she speaks again.

"You read my book?" she softly asks, her voice barely audible.

"Of course, I read your book. I finished it the night of the wedding after you fell asleep on me." I cross my arms on my chest to protect myself from what's to come. In a way, I think I want to shield my heart from her answer to my question. The first option will make my heart burst out of joy but will also complicate things immensely. The second one, on the other hand, will break me and make things super awkward between Eleanor and me.

"What did you think?" she asks, still looking at the floor. Her arms are crossed too. She's scared too.

"It was great, El. It really was. I get why people love it so much, but please answer my question." She finally looks up at me. The tears that had disappeared from her eyes are back. They threaten to fall down her cheeks with any false movement of her head.

"I... I think it's the goosebumps kind. But... But I can't. Not now. Not with hockey starting again. Not with the fight we just got in. Not with you moving out." She's looking away again. The tears started flowing down her cheeks again, and, this time, I don't retain myself. I walk up to her and envelop her in my arms. Her arms slowly uncross from her chest to circle my waist. I only notice my own tears when a strand of her wet hair rubs against my cheek. It's a mix of relief, happiness, and nervousness that floods through me as I hold her close to me. I don't know what that answer will mean for us in the future, but it's better than the nothingness we were floating into before. She still loves me, the romantic kind of love, what more could I want?

"I was going out for food before seeing you sitting on the floor," I say after pulling away from her. We both chuckle as we wipe our tears from our cheeks. "Would you like to come with me? I have an appointment at one this afternoon to look at a place near the arena." I feel my hands shaking as I ask this question. I feel as nervous as the first time I asked her out. 

"I don't know, Ben. Oph is with Matt so I don't want to come back too late," she says, sounding disappointed.

"I could really use your opinion. You know me, I have absolutely no taste when it comes to apartments. You don't want me to end up in a shithole, do you?" I add a wink at the end to try and convince her. The last thing I want is for it to be awkward between us after what she just told me. I want us to keep moving forward without worrying about the other's feelings. We need to get to know each other again, and we can't do that if we rush things. That's why I want to move out. It'll be good for us to have our own place to think.

"Ok, then. Even if you can't do worse than the Windsor apartment." I feign to be hurt by what she's saying.

"I thought you loved that place! Me who didn't look for anything better because I was convinced that that apartment was your dream come true." I put my hand on my heart to enhance my words which only makes her laugh.

"C'mon now, I'm hungry," she says, grabbing my arm.

Turns out the realtor was an idiot. When I gave him my budget for an apartment or a small house in New York City near the Nassau Coliseum or the Barclay's center without being too far from Eleanor's apartment, he started showing me over-budget penthouses in the Upper East Side or the Upper West Side. At the training camp, most players said they lived in Garden City since it's near our practice arena. When I suggested looking in that area, the realtor told me I could do better.

"It'll be just me. My daughter sometimes, but mostly, it'll be just me. I don't need a six-bedroom house for god's sake!" I told him when he finally agreed to show me places in Garden City. Eleanor and I ended up leaving empty handed. The realtor was just too focused on wanting to sell me something I can't afford.

"You're a hockey player," he told me as we were about to leave. "Aren't you guys supposed to be rich?" Really professional, I thought.

"It's my first year, so no, I'm not rich," I answered, rolling my eyes. I grabbed Eleanor's arm and pulled her out of the office.

"That guy was an ass," she tells me when we are sitting at a table in the first restaurant we saw. We were too short on time to eat before the appointment so we told ourselves we would go after. I ordered the first thing I saw on the menu. I am too hungry to be picky. I agree as we give our order to the waitress.

"About what you said," she starts but stops to look at me. I scrunch my eyebrows, indicating that I don't know what she's talking about. "When you said: It'll be just me and sometimes my daughter, what did you mean?" My stress is back. We're really going to discuss custody right now? I haven't eaten anything since seven this morning when I woke up. I was starving and there was a banana on the counter. It's the only thing I ate before going back to sleep. I am too hungry to argue with her one more time today.

"All I meant was that I would like to have Ophelia over sometimes," I casually answer, raising my shoulders.

"Like overnight or...?" She extends the "or" a little too much for it to sound normal.

"Yeah. I mean, I don't know. If you want. I'd like to spend as much time with her as I can..." I meant to say more but she cuts me.

"Then why are you moving out? You would see her everyday if you lived with me." Her voice grows more and more severe as the words leave her mouth.

"I just don't think it's healthy for us to live together if we're not together. It's killing me to see you every day, to see you when you wake up, when you get out of the shower, before going to bed, and know that I can't be with you like before." I am surprised by my own honesty. She is too. Her jaw drops and her eyes go wide. We stay silent for a few minutes as we receive our meals and start eating. She makes a comment about her food before asking about mine, and, just like that, the conversation is over. I have to wait until leaving her place to go back to the hotel later that night to get an answer.

"You're right. We both should have our own place. For now. And you have the right to see Ophelia as often as you want. She missed you. I could tell by the way she reacted when she saw you when we picked her up from Matt's."

"Thank you," I say as I step out of her apartment. "The first pre-season game is in two days if you ever want to come. I'll get you tickets and a badge. Just tell me how many you want," I add. I see a smile creep up on her face, but it disappears before I have a chance to picture it in my mind.

"Ok. I'll text you."

"Good night, Ella." We are face to face. She's in her apartment and I am on the doorstep, but we are only inches apart. If I took a step forward, I could press my lips to hers easily. I want to, and I think she would let me do it. But I don't. Instead, I take a step back and smile as she mutters the words back to me.