I kept staring outside, at the weather out My window. The walls were gray and pale inside this room, so I hoped the view would entertain me but, the weather choose to remain dark and wuthering.
This birds flying the Reminds me of how I used to chase you, in college, in library, in café. Watching you secretly.
I never thought you were aware about this all this all the time. Yet, you let me do it.
One day Nervously I walked to you and said in small coy voice. “Hii” you smiled in return—making my world stop for a minute or two.
That handsome face gave a warm smile which lingered on mind.
I was Smiling at nothing, people told me that I looked crazy but, they don't understand. You're the one I love with all of me. You're slowly becoming big part of me.
This Wind swirling reminds me of how I fought inside whether to propose you or not. But than I gathered my strength and proposed. You smiled, I didn't got the desired answer. You walked away. I stood there like statue.
And then you turned around and said in whisper. “I like you too.” A whisper that still rings loud in my ears.
My world stopped again, I hopped in whole library, people looked at me with srunching nose and funny giggles, Thinking I've lost my sanity. And I didn't cared.
I met you Next day at the café, we didn’t talked much, shy to see in eyes. But, You were couragous to hold my hand. I saw something in your eyes. Sincere feelings, I would name it love.
What is big step I never knew until ‘I like you’ became ‘I love you’. Indeed It was indeed a huge step for me. Increement if I say.
This leafs dancing as wind touched them reminded me of our first kiss.
After it you left for classes and I Danced my heart out at home. Touching my lips again and again.
Months passed And you started to keep yourself away from me. ‘Your first job’ I thought the reason behind it. You argued with me all the time and the reason behind it, I still can’t recall. You left me alone and drove away many times. But, I still love you, you cursed me one time, many times. I still love you, you slapped me, and then whispered sorry. And I still love you.
If he wanted to hurt me, then why he apologized everytime? I never knew the reason.
But still love you. My love was never shaken. Because I love you with all of me.
One day you came and hugged me tightly. kissed my temple, nose and lips, asking to be forgiven, I wasn’t angry, never was, but happy that you came back.
After few days you became Like old one, quarelling, Pushing me away when I hugged or tried to kiss You, and whispered sorry again.
Few days later, in the morning you came near me and placed me on your lap arms around my waist. You touched and kissed my cheeks. You looked pale and fragile. But, still my handsome man. Warm liquid started to form in your eyes. But your smiled stayed bright. You whispered. “Let me go.”
I was broken, broken Beyond repair. World started collapsing—I wished it would buried me beneath.
I said in weak tone. “You’re going?”
You nodded. Making me numb and stuttering. I wiped my big tears.
“Please just don’t go somewhere I can’t follow.”
You smiled and kissed me one last time. And left me, walking away like storm destroying a weak little house.
I was sitting on couch hugging my knees and crying my heart out. I shouted at the pale walls who became my partner.
Why you left me? Did I do something wrong? Will you come back? Was it my fault?
If he will come back I won't ask him questions but, embrace him in joy of coming back.
I waited, and I waited you didn’t come back, days became weeks, weeks became months and months became a year. But, I never forgot you. You are the important part of me.
Today Again I waited for you, in corrider when Doctor came and gave me permission to meet you.
I saw you weak, paler, fragile, skinny. But still my handsome man. You cried watching me and I cried watching you. I holded your skinny hand IV injected. Interwining my fingers with your weak ones. We just stared at each other for moment. Then I asked why you didn’t said about this before, so you said that you wanted me to hate you.
But, I didn’t, I couldn’t. You wanted me to leave. But, that was the least thing I would do.
So leaving him would be easier. But, leaving him was most difficult task.
He touched my wet cheek and whispered. “I love you.”
“I told you don’t go somewhere I can’t follow. You lived in dark when I wanted to be your shadow.” You cried and hicupped. “Let me go–please.”
You begged in frailty. I leaned to give a chaste kiss on your blue lips. You whispered against my quivering lips
“In next life I will never leave you I promise.” I sat there, trying to be strong but, I failed.
“I will let you go. But, You’ll always be in my heart. From there you can’t leave me––We will always be together.”
You cried in soft tone. and slowly slowly dropped your eyelids. I knew where this shall end. I wasn't ready.
I cried all day. Near his bed. He left me. Went there where I can’t follow him. I’m still begging for Him. Begging to be replaced with him.
Nothing gives me happiness, nothing brings shine.
My broken heart, I brought those broken pieces near my heart and holded so tight, begging to pierce it and die.
You left me, and those words kept haunting me. Making me weak, stabbing my heart pushing me into endless gloom.
You were my strength and now my weakness. But, still I'll always love you.
‘I can't let you go.’
______________________
#LetMeGo.
The End.
