Human feelings can't be controlled. That is a lesson I had learned about a week back. My mind was haywire, my heart a shattered mess. I felt vulnerable, betrayed but at the same time stuck. Caged.
The salubrious breeze kissed my skin with gentleness again. I looked out of the window, staring blankly at the sky that was painted with the pastel hues of twilight. Was I not good enough for her? Was I....
My chain of questions came to a screeching halt when I heard a knock on the door. I refused to open it. I needed to think. I may not be a girl, that doesn't mean I don't need some space of my own for some time. Though to let that happen, I must let her go. From my thoughts. From my memories. To bring back my sanity I thought I had lost. I missed her way to much.
I stood up from my bed on which my heartbroken self was mourning over the svengali who wasn't worth my time and energy and state of depression.
I sauntered across the room, seating myself on my study table. I then picked up a piece of paper, held my pen and poured all my heart's pain in it:
" Dear Sarah,
You are the most beautiful girl I had ever seen." I pictured her curly brown hair, that sloped down her slender shoulders to her waist and her beautiful grey eyes, that shined like glass under the sun. The way she smiled and laughed. They were contagious.
Drew drops of sorrow brimmed up in my eyes, threatening to fall any moment. I shook my head to remove those tearing memories and continued, " I don't know if you remember it, but I remember it vividly. On June 11,2018, I first laid eyes on you in the library, in a grey sweatshirt, totally rapt by the book you held in you slender hands. Your brown hair curtained your olive- coloured face away from the world.I remember falling for you right then. And then a week later, you confessed that you liked me too. That was the happiest day of my life.
You held my hands in yours when our team lost the basketball match, reassuring me that it was not the end of the world. Of life. Then it seemed so true. Now it doesn't.
I loved to hold you in my arms and comfort you when you sobbed against my heart that October night.
I loved to fight for you and protect you. I loved the way your beautiful face radiated a shine in the moonlight. I loved the way you never got qualm. I loved the way you stayed calm in the most intense situations.
But you forgot it all. You forgot the way I tore my sleeves off to cover your wound, the way I loved you. You ran away from love to money.
Now I need to tell you I loved you.... back then.
Yours only,
Jonah"
