Snippets of me; Told by the biggest drama queen I know

The real breakup

You know, I've always thought the wisdom of girl bands is often overlooked. It's like the spice girls always say, Friendship never ends. There's so much focus on romantic relationships in our teen years, it's ridiculous. Real friendships are far more important and rare. If some spotty 17 year old boy is going to break up with me because I don't want to give him a blowjob in the middle of the woods that's his problem. 6 weeks of 'I love you's', 'You're beautiful's' and quoting bad songs at each other; that's nothing. Sure it hurts at the time, but it's something you can get over with a night of eating Ben and Jerry's and watching bad romcoms with your best friend of 13 years. That one person who has always been there for you and who you could rely on for anything. But what happens when you lose that best friend?

We met when we were six tiny years old. Me with my strawberry lunch box, you with your little blonde pigtails. I had just moved here from London, knew no one, absolutely terrified of everyone and everything and you came up to me because my name rhymed with Pixie and, being the dumb fucker you are, you thought I was actually a fairy. That was the start of 13 years of you and me. The games we played, the shit we said, the boys we giggled over. The first time I questioned my sexuality, it was you that I told. You were the one I could tell anything to and vice versa. It felt like we were family and at times it almost felt like we were the same person.

Imagine if you could count all the hours we spent together. It would probably amount to around 80% of my whole life. All of my memories, everything I ever did or loved has you in it. All my happiest moments, you've tainted them, you've stolen them from me. I can't get rid of you like you got rid of me. There's too much of you, too much of us.

It was so sudden, I didn't realise what was happening until it had already happened. You changed.

Then it just sort of... stopped. Suddenly, we weren't calling to tell each other everything. Not face timing to watch the next episode of whatever we were watching at the time. Suddenly you had a serious boyfriend and were reaching milestones I hadn't even come close to yet. Was it my fault? If I'd paid more attention to you and to what was going on, would everything be okay? But I had my own things going on. An entire personal crisis, constantly trying to figure out who I was. I was so confused and lost and I needed you. You weren't there, but maybe that was because you had just as many things going on as me, more even?

All these years, we changed together. We were together in everything. But this time you grew up without me. You moved on and made new friends and you left me behind, staring after you, unable to catch up, like all of a sudden life was a race and I was losing. Maybe it is a race. Maybe I am losing. I am untethered. These past years, did they even happen? Already it is all starting to feel like some sort of dream. Another life. But I don't know what to do without you. I don't know how to be me without you.