shame. - billy hargrove

six.

"Max! Max! Max! Max! Max! Max! Max!" I call through her bedroom door, "You need to make my hot chocolate shithead! You said you would." Knocking and banging on the door, she finally emerges from behind it with a fake smile, rolling her eyes. She walks into the kitchen, fills the jug with water and presses the button down. I sit down on the stool behind the kitchen counter as I watch her grab the flask from one of the cupboards and fill it with milk, chocolate powder and hot water. I thank her and stick my hands in my pockets, "Come with me for a moment." I wave her through to my bedroom and gesture towards two outfits sitting on the bed. "Which one?"

She scrunches up her nose in thought, just like Kinsley did this morning. My thoughts roam, all connected to Kinsley. Her face, her body, her personality, her courage, how bossy she is, the way she looks into my eyes as if she understands my soul, the way she won't take my shit, the way she is. Everything about her draws me into her. The way she smells of cinnamon and mint. The way she makes me feel nervous and keeps me accountable. I want to be better for her. "That one." Max looks at me expectantly. My eyes narrowed and my forehead creases, "Huh?"

"I like that outfit better," she says pointing at the outfit on the right and I look up at her, place my hand on her head, messing up her hair, "Right, thanks. You can leave now." She scoffs and leaves the room, mumbling something under her breath. I take a deep breath in, getting changed, applying my cologne and smoking. I stubbed out the cigarette, grabbing the hot chocolate Max had prepared and got into my car. As I drove off, my music starts playing and I check the time promptly - 7:45. 

...

I hear a knock on my door and quickly place the lid on the tin box on the counter. "Mum! I'm going now!" I yell out and hear a quiet reply. I grab my jacket and the tin box while walking up to the front door just as another set of knocks come from behind it. I open the door to a very smiley Billy dressed in an open, red dress shirt, a brown leather jacket and black jeans, "Hello Billy, you might want to do up your shirt." Billy's smile widens and he chuckles, "Hello gorgeous, am I too distracting for you?"

I bite my lip trying to hold back a smile, giggling slightly, "No!" I say, hitting his arm, "It's just colder tonight," I look up into the dark sky. Sighing, I shut the door behind me and walk past him to his car, "Come on. Where are we going?" He waits and then jogs to catch up to me. He steps in front of me as I reach the door and opens the door for me before walking around the front of the car, getting in the driver's seat. He drives off into the darkness, his music starts, much to my surprise it plays quietly in the background. "What's in the box?" He nods his head to the tin box in my hands. I lean back in the seat and turn my head towards him, crossing my legs. I smile and open the box making a dramatic, 'dun, dun, dunnnnnnnn!' as he looks over, "Freshly made chocolate chip biscuits!" He chuckles at my dramatic presentation and chirps, "Very nice."

Without either of us noticing the music ends, eventually our conversation ends too and we are placed in comfortable silence. We keep driving in silence, I look out of the window into the darkness and my thoughts travel to Max and Dustin and all the stories he's told me, how he had to go through all of it alone. I let out a small sigh and feel a soft hand on my thigh accompanied by a quiet, gentle voice, "You okay?" I look over at him, his eyes focus on the road ahead, the lighting makes his face look kinder and softer than usual. "Yeah, I'm just thinking." He glances over at me with a small smile, when he looks back, I look down at his hand on my thigh. I breathe in and pick his hand up removing it from me, looking up at him quickly, I see hurt flash across his eyes. I breath out a breathe I was holding and intertwine my fingers with his, his eyes change again from hurt to shock but then to something different. I look back down to our hands, smiling. I think, this is just for Max. But secretly, I knew it wasn't, it was for me and it was for Billy. This Billy. The quiet, caring Billy with his sense of humour and his charm. 

"We're here." He smiles as we turn and park in front of a bench. I get out of the car clutching the box and my jacket, I walk up to the bench. We are higher up than I thought and as I look out I can see the whole of Hawkins and further. I sit down on the bench and shortly, I'm joined by Billy holding a flask, two cups and a blanket. He places the blanket over our legs with our hips touching. "Hot chocolate?" He asks gesturing to the flask, I nod and he pours me a cup with steaming dancing off of the top, he passes it to me, warmth flowing into my hands, "Careful, it's hot." He warns and I smile at him as I bring the cup to my lips. "Tell me about yourself, explain the mystery that is Billy Hargrove." He chuckles and talks about his life in California, his dad's marriage to Susan and the move to Hawkins. It was all very brief but the way his eyes lit up when he talked about his life in California and the way they dulled when he talked of his father, helped me understand more of who Billy was. "What about your mother? You haven't said anything about her." I inquired. He sighs before speaking, "No, no enough about me. Explain the mystery that is Kinsley Henderson." I smile, chuckling slightly at his reuse of my words. I talked on about my move from Hawkins, my father's death and family life now with my mum and Dustin. Billy listened throughout the whole thing, listening intently, nodding along. Smiling when I made a joke and frowning when I talked about something sad for me. 

We lost track off our conversation and spent the next few hours laughing and talking about anything and everything. The hot chocolate had disappeared and the biscuits were demolished, the conversation had once again turned into a comfortable silence. My head was rested on Billy's shoulder and his arm was around mine, he drew shapes into the side of my arm and I felt my eyes getting heavy.

...

As the covers are pulled over me, I get pulled out of the unconsciousness slightly but keep my eyes closed. I feel a soft pressure as someone grazes their thumb lightly over my check and presses their lips to the same spot. I hear a quiet voice which I could easily recognise, "Shit, why do you do this to me? I'm a mess of feelings and emotions, all because of you." I hear some of my floorboards creak as they move, "Goodnight, gorgeous." The small light turns off and I open my eyes to see Billy's figure closing my door.