Hard to Breathe

Chapter One - Dying Inside

Do you ever get the feeling someone is watching you? I do.

Have you ever thought about running away? I have.

But I can't.

"Blake, when is mommy coming home?' Asked Noah, my sweet and innocent little brother. How could I tell him that our mother wasn't coming home? How does one crush a heart so easily?  "I don't know." I lied. I felt like I had no choice. He's only four, he wouldn't understand.  "Will you tuck me in?" He rubbed his tired eyes with his small fists; his auburn colored curls sticking up. "Of course." I showed him a smile but inside I was dying. I needed my mother. Noah needed her. How does a nineteen year old girl raise a four year old?

"Did you brush your teeth?" I asked pulling his PJ masks cover over his chest. "Yep! See!" Making his 'cheese' face Noah showed off his pearly whites. I praised him for a job well done. How many four year olds could brush their teeth on their own? Our mom taught him that. She's a great mom – was. She was a great mom.

"Can you check?" Noah asked. I knew exactly what he meant. At this point, maybe I should be checking under every bed and inside every closet. "I will." I kissed his forehead and dropped to my hands and knees to check under his twin sized bed.  "All clear bud." I forced yet again another smile. "The closet...?" Noah reminded me in a whisper, pulling his blanket to his chin.

Standing in front of his bedroom closet I felt nervous. What if someone were lurking in there? What would I do? Inhaling deeply, trying to show no fear I grabbed hold of the doorknob and turned it; this is when the real fear set in. Did my mom ever feel this way? One more deep breath and I pulled the door to. The closet was empty of monsters, both real and imaginary.  

  "All clear bud." I assured him. "Get some rest." I insisted before leaving the room, only shutting his door halfway behind me. He has a hard time sleeping if the door his closed all the way, but if he knew what I knew, he would want the door shut all the way and locked. But for his sake he needed only to fear the imaginary monsters.  I wish it could be that simple for me.

After checking the locks on both the front and back door and closing all the curtains in the house I took a seat in the recliner that sat in front of the flat screen TV. Against my better judgement, I turned on the news to see if anything else had been said about my mother.

"More details emerge concerning the murder of Charlotte Burke. What actually happened the night she disappeared?" The news lady's voice filled the silent room. Hearing my mothers name and murder in the same sentence turned my stomach. All of these details and suspects and yet my mom's case still hasn't been solved. It scares me. What if Noah and I are next? How could I protect us?

Lightning lit up the sky and my living room before the thunder crackled and rain drops hit my tin roof. My heart felt as if it were going to jump out of my chest. I've never been one to jump at the sound of thunder, I loved it. Or, at least I had until my life became part of an unsolved murder case and my anxiety took over my every thought.

Being alone in this house with my four year old brother, terrifies me. What if it came down to me protecting my little brother and myself, how would I do that? I've never held a gun a day in my life. My father wasn't like the average dad; he didn't teach me the things a father should, like how to drive, shoot a gun, throw a football or even how start a fire. I don't know the basic skills of survival. Guess you could say he never really earned the title 'Father of the Year.' My mother on the other hand, she did everything she could do for us while working 12-hour shifts. She taught me the basics of adult life; how to cook, manage a budget and fold those annoying fitted sheets. She wasn't gun smart just life smart and that was okay...until it wasn't okay anymore