Skulduggery Pleasant One Shots

Ravel, Emperor of Cupcakes

I do not apologise for this in any way. It is majestic.

The majestic car majestically swerved around the not-so-majestic corner. It wasn't simply a car, it was a  1954 Bentley R-Type continental, one of only 208 ever made. It housed a six-cylinder, 4.5-litre engine, and was retro-fitted with central locking, climate control, satellite navigation and a host of other modern conveniences. If there was a better car out there, Skulduggery would eat his hats. All 278 of them. The Bentley was so stylish and smooth, that it masked the frantic urgency of the driver. It pulled up in a horrible looking little town and parked outside a plain distasteful building. Skulduggery had some choice words to say to the designers of this place.

Skulduggery and Valkyrie were called to come to the Sanctuary immediately. It sounded serious. Skulduggery thought Ravel was caught in a meeting on which title sounds the most regal, whereas Valkyrie protested that someone changed Madame Mists ringtone to Incy Wincy Spider. Knowing Ravel it was probably both. Well, maybe not the later, Skulduggery didn't think Mist had a phone. As they rushed into the Sanctuary they heard an outraged woman screech.

"Who set my ringtone as Incy Wincy SPIDER?!" Bellowed Madame Mist. Huh. Mist did have a phone. Skulduggery ignored Valkyries smug look. "Was it you?! Ravel, Emperor of cupcakes, get over here! NOW! Stop running away with your hands in the air! Tipstaff wants you to stop squealing like a mal-formed piglet! EMPEROR OF CUPCAKES!" Skulduggery returned Valkyries smug look, but Valkyrie didn't get to see it before Ravel burst around the corner, waving his arms frantically.

"RUN! Run for your lives! Countess Incy Wincy is coming!" Ravel shouted out to Skulduggery and Valkyrie. Ravel darted past them, puffing. Madame Mist came around the corner soon after Ravel, in spider-mode. 

"I'm going to get you Emperor Of Cupcakes!" Mist bellowed. Valkyrie and Skulduggery and turned away from the horror that was Mists face and ran after Ravel. Skulduggery caught up with Ravel and ran alongside him.

"Where are we going Emperor of Cupcakes?" Skulduggery questioned. 

"Shut up." Said Ravel. "We're going to the Karaoke Room. Mist is deathly afraid of Karaoke."

Valkyrie tilted her head, in a Skulduggery fashion. "First of all, how do you know that? Second of all, why does the Sanctuary have a Karaoke Hall." Skulduggery glanced at Valkyrie incredulously.

"What else would the Elders do when then there were meetings on?" Skulduggery replied. Ravel sighed as they approached the Karaoke Hall. 

"We built the Karaoke Hall," Ravel said slowly as if Valkyrie were an idiot, "to have a sanctuary in which we could escape Mist." Valkyrie giggled.

"A sanctuary inside a sanctuary!" Valkyrie laughed. Skulduggery shook his head. They ran into the Karaoke hall and flipped around when they were far enough inside. They watched as Mist charged towards the door and halted abruptly before passing through the doorframe. She screeched and paced outside the door. It was as if she was physically unable to pass through the door frame. It was if there was an invisible wall in front of her.

"Ha!" Said Ravel pointing at Mist. "Now she can't get us! Take that Countess Incy Wincy!" Ravel stuck out his tongue.

"Yes. But now you can't get out! Take that Emperor of Cupcakes!" Mist Sassed. Mist couldn't sass. Ravel slumped.

"Damn." He muttered. Skulduggery laughed. The trio turned around and froze. They were not expecting to see that. They were definitely not prepared to see Dexter and Saracen dressed up as garlic bunches, dancing in front of Caelen, who drinking out of a Valkyrie mug. Valkyrie shuddered. They were not prepared to see Shudder and Ghastly playing, Lord Vile: The Hotel Adventure. It appeared Ghastly was losing. Skulduggery shuddered. They were most certainly not prepared to see Gracious and Donegan singing about the colony of octopus people to a werefish.