After Love

Chapter 2 - My Name Is...

One tick. 38 messages and one tick for each. My messages weren't going through. Her phone was still on voicemail.

I knew she hadn't blocked me, I tried calling her from work. I used my office number and a colleague's phone but still got "... the number you have dialled is not available". How could she send me that text and then switch off her phone, was this all a game to her? She couldn't resist, she just had to find new ways to make life hell.

I spent all day staring at my phone, waiting for her to respond, to reach out to me. I had questions and she had the answers, or at least I hoped she did. Could Oratilwe be my daughter? Why did she hide her from me? Why would she tell me about her now? Why was Oratilwe in the hospital? Was I losing another child?

Three cups of coffee and deadlines made me jumpier than I needed to be. My manager wasn't my biggest fan, so that meant I couldn't get out of meetings and asking for a personal day would be a mission on its own. How would I start the conversation, "Oh Hi Xolile, I'm not feeling well, so could I have the afternoon off?... Why, you ask?... Well, just yesterday I found out that I might have left my ex-girlfriend pregnant 2 years ago and my maybe daughter might be in the hospital, so I need the afternoon off so I can go hospital to hospital trying to find them".

I had to make it work, make nice and sit through meetings. Fridays were the worst; progress meetings, finalisation of client reports and debates over next week's planner. As per usual I got the worst assignments.

"Pssst. Pssst", he whispered trying to get my attention.

I looked over to him, shook my head and mouthed, "What is it, Kyle?". He was as uninterested in Xolile's presentation as I was. He stood up and moved closer, squeezing his chair between mine and Sam's.

"You seem, distracted bro, excited about tonight?? What's it now? Date number four?", he said with a naughty grin and holding out his hand for a fist bump. "Tonight's the night right?"

I shrugged my shoulders because sex was the last thing on my mind. Actually, a lot had escaped my mind. In all the drama I forgot I had a date with Lonwabo tonight.

"What time are you picking her up?", he asked.

"Around 8", I responded looking at my watch, "She knows we have deadlines today and she understands that I have to work late".

"I really like this girl man, she's smart and you two look good together, almost as good as Jessica and I do", he said said sarcastically.

Kyle and Jessica met at the company a year ago and have been in love ever since. They are known as 'Top Deck' at the office. One would think it was because of their different ethnic backgrounds but I think it's mainly because they are always on top of one another. In the office they totry behave themselves with random shouts of 'My Venda Queen' or 'My Shinning Prince' but in private, things can get a little awkward. As the token third wheel, I experienced it first-hand multiple times until they felt that they needed to spend more nights in than they needed nights out with the shut-in.

Kyle felt I needed to move on and Jessica felt I was deserving of love. First, we tried Tinder. It was okay and just as superficial as I expected, I met a lady named Toni, she was a doctor. Great conversationalist but too focused on her checklist. She knew everything she wanted in a man but on the second date, it was clear she didn't know herself. Almost every sentence ended with "my mother said that's what makes a good man" or "I've seen how my friends were treated". She wanted what seemed to meet the definition of perfect but I wondered if she ever asked herself if it would be perfect for her. I asked her if she ever saw herself married to me and her response bordered on that of one who has given up. She said men feared her achievements, that they found her intimidating and that she found me interesting because of my career and that I probably won't be scared off easily. I understood what she was saying but I wasn't prepared to spend the rest of my life trying to love who needed me constantly prove to her that she was enough. I wanted love, not a second full-time job.