Prince Charming Is So Overrated

a letter to my father

A letter to my dad 

It sounds easier than it is to do. You left me when I love you. You were my hero my everything...what happened? Why'd you leave. Why did you block me out as if I was nothing? You blocked my phone and your whole family has blocked me from social media. The last time I saw you, you didn't say goodbye or give me a hug just like the first time you left me. You had all the power in your hands and you took advantage of it by crushing me into a million tiny little pieces. You killed that once innocent little girl who didn't have a worry in the world. I can't tolerate being in the same room as you. Well I mean sometimes I wonder do you even care? The first time you left I thought you were coming back but no you disappeared. Man the pain I felt in my heart was something I had never experienced in my life. How is it one can go from being at their happiest to being at their worst moment. I miss you daddy but do you miss me? Next year I'll be 15 I always wished of dancing with you on my 15th birthday since it's a very special day. You know it's great hearing how you talk with my sisters and then completely leave me out. I want to thank you because thanks to you I now live with depression, anxiety, trust issues, eating disorders, and so many more things. THANK YOU. For making me go through 7 years of therapy because it's great learning how to breathe and being told the same thing. Thank you for all the bullying I've been through thanks to your lack of presence. I don't hate you but I don't necessarily love you the way I used to. You don't know how many times I've cried over you. I was 7 when you decided to leave me. My mom has taken care of me ever since she moved on. You don't know how hard it was seeing her crying in a ball on that bad every fucking night. Thanks to you I had to grow up fast I knew at that moment that my perfect childhood had ended. Yet you were still trying to fix everything. Isn't it great having your daughter be scared of you? Everytime I see you or get near you all I feel is my heart beat a million beats per minute, I start trembling and sweating, heavy breathing, and all I feel is fear taking over my body leaving me in pure and complete shock. Panic erupts and all I want to do is get out of there as soon as possible. I am scared of love because I believe if you didn't even want me why would anyone else? But let's face it I'm not the girl that deserves love I won't find anyone who will truly love me as much. You hurt me you were the first man to break my heart. I've poured everything out to you and yet you never tried to fix our relationship. Thank you Dad for shaping me into the insecure person I am today. I wish you the best and I shall let you go on even if you want nothing to do with me

Sincerely me.