I'm Okay

From this day

(Alexander's POV)

I chew my lip nervously as he glares at me.

"What the fuck were you talking about with them? And why the fuck were you fucking hugging that guy? You better not have fucking told or I swear to god I'll beat you so hard you won't be able to stand up for days," he growls, making me shrink back in fear.

"I swear on my life I didn't tell them, I swear! Mr. Jefferson was just telling that nurse about his abusive boyfriend and he started crying so I comforted him. That's all, I swear! You can ask him or the nurse. I promise, please don't hurt me," I plead, my eyes brimming with tears.

He glares at me, seemingly thinking over his options. His face softens and he nods, sitting next to me on the cot.

"I'm really sorry Lex... I'm just really stressed out... I feel really bad for what I did the other day and I can't believe I'd hurt you this badly... I'm really, truly sorry... Once you get out of here I promise I'm not going to hurt you again. I promise, Alex," he murmurs.

My eyes widen and I smile softly and nod.

"Really? You're not going to hurt me anymore...?" I ask cautiously.

He nods and kisses my cheek.

"You're so beautiful, Alex... I just can't believe that I'd hurt you like this. I plan on making everything up to you. I swear I will," he smiles softly.

I grin and kiss him softly. He smiles into the kiss and I pull away after a while.

"Your lunch break is almost over, you should probably head back to work," I murmur and he nods, kissing me one last time before walking out. Alex walks in right after with two trays of lunch. She pulls the curtain open and all three of us look at each other.

"Well that was a load of bullshit," Thomas mutters and both of us nod.

"Any time I end up in the hospital because of him, it's the same damn speech. What he really means is he'll treat me like an actual human being for a week, maybe take me on a date or two, then go back to treating me like a slave," I mutter, my eyes filling with tears.

"How long has this been going on?" Alex asks as she sits on the edge of my cot.

"Pretty much since the start of our relationship. I knew he was a bad guy... He just... I dunno. I was so attracted to him. And he loves me, he really does. He just has a hard time showing it," I say quietly, hugging my knees to my chest.

"But do you love him?" Thomas asks softly.

"Of course I do... I think... I mean... Nobody else could love me... I should be thankful for him, no matter if I'm in love with him or not..."

"Alex... You have so many people who are here for you and love you..." Thomas says softly.

"Like James," I say, trying to convince myself more than him.

"No. Not James," he says, firmer.

"Yes. He loves me. He cares about me. He wants me to improve. I'm worthless. I'm not deserving of love. I'm fat, ugly, disgusting. I'm a whore and you know that better than anyone, Thomas. I'm so lucky that James took pity on me.  Who could love someone as-"

I'm cut off by Thomas leaning across the divide and kissing me deeply. My eyes widen and I kiss back immediately, the kiss feeling so right. So pure. Just two love-starved, star-crossed lovers. Hungry for real love. Hungry for the feeling of happiness. Longing for someone to hold them close at night, for someone to baby them, for someone to cook their favorite meal. Someone to braid their hair, someone to take care of them when they're sick. True love.

I don't want to pull away. Ever. I want to stay in this moment for the rest of my life. I never want this feeling to end. It's exhilarating and makes my heart race but it's so perfect and relaxing.

We both pull away and I giggle softly, both of us blushing messes.  I rest my forehead on his, absolutely at a loss for words.

"I've been waiting a damn long time to do that," he chuckles breathily.

He runs his hand down the side of my face and I relax into his touch.

"I do," he murmurs after a bit and I tilt my head slightly in questioning.

"You asked who could love someone like you. Me. I do. You're absolutely perfect," he says softly.

I feel tears in my eyes, much like the first time he said that to me.

"I love you too, Thomas..." I whisper, the tears threatening to fall down my face.

He pulls me in for another kiss and I close my eyes, giving in fully. I relax every muscle in my body and let him take the lead.

It's refreshing to be able to trust someone else so completely. I can put myself entirely in his hands with no worry.

The tears stream down my face as I kiss him, never wanting to stop. He grips onto my hospital gown and pulls me closer.

Just like when we had to break up. He held me like he was never going to let go. Like he'd hold onto me and maybe if we shut the whole world out we could stay in this moment forever.

He pulls back and wipes my tears away gently as I cry softly. My whole body shakes with sobs and I hold myself.

I look up to see him crying too and I completely break down. Alex sits next to me and rubs my back and takes Thomas's hand, shushing us softly.

I shakily stand up and Alex helps me, letting me lean fully on her. I sit down next to Thomas and he wraps his arms around me, holding my shaking frame. I relax in his arms, clinging onto him for dear life.

He pulls me into his lap, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me closer to his chest. I take shaky breaths and try to calm myself.

"Take a deep breath, Alex," he murmurs, rubbing my back softly.

I take a shallow breath, still sobbing and shaking.

"C'mon Lex, take a deep breath in," he says softly, looking into my eyes.

I nod and take a deep breath, holding it before letting it out slowly. He makes me repeat it until my breathing is regular and I've stopped crying.

"Better?" He murmurs.

I nod, resting my head on his chest.

"I'll give you two some time. And I'll make sure they know not to send up visitors so you don't have to worry," Alex says kindly before hurrying out.

"So how have you really been, Alex?"

"Pretty bad... James is a hard person to please... We got married last spring but by then he was already abusing me. He usually comes home drunk and he'll definitely find something I did wrong. Then... Well I'm sure you know what comes next... Then the cycle just repeats," I mumble, tears filling my eyes again.

Thomas runs his hand through my hair and I look up at him.

"Charles is... Well he's similar to that. He's pretty good when sober but when he drinks, he turns into a whole other person. He insults everything I do, he makes me feel so... So disgusting. Violated. Ugly," he says quietly, his voice cracking at the end.

"How could anyone think you're ugly?" I murmur, looking up into his eyes.

"It's because I am, Alex..." He chews his lip and looks away.

"Hey. Hey," I say softly, tilting his head so we're eye to eye.

"You're the most beautiful person I know. You're so unbelievably strong. I... I love you with all my heart," I murmur.

"I've missed you so much, Lex..." He whispers, holding me close.

"Me too Tommy. Me too..." I murmur, snuggling up closer to him.

My life might be a total mess but right here in this moment, I have everything I need.

---

(1371 words)

Yo thanks to tjeffs_papakukui3 for helping me with this chapter