After Love

Part III - Memories & Slow Songs

As narrated by Vuyo Mkhwanazi

He was late.

I cooked a three-course meal and he was late.

Trying to imagine what was going through his mind was driving me crazy, this couldn't have been easy for him but he knows how much punctuality means to me.

I wanted to be there for him but he wanted to go alone. Losing Oarabile changed him. He smiled less, went out less, it was almost as if he had no desire to make his presence known in the world. He just wanted to disappear, actually, he disappeared.

I can't blame him though, I wouldn't be myself if I lost Keamogetse. Being a single mother is hard but a child is the truest love one can ever find. She changed my world and on most days I think she is my soul mate.

When I found out I was pregnant I didn't know what to do. It caught me off-guard, I didn't even know when it happened but I was grateful. The idea of bringing a child into my life scared me. I was struggling to find a job, my boyfriend had just broken up with me and things were awkward between Angelo and I. I had no one I could turn to for the first few months.

"Mommy, mommy. Someone is at the door....HE IS HERE".

Kea runs up to me, she was excited that her favourite human in the world was here. She and Angelo got along really well. She saw him as her father. He loved her dearly but I could see he always kept his feelings reserved and was guarded. A huge part of me hoped that he wouldn't do that with Oratilwe but I also hoped that finding out about his daughter with Namisa wouldn't come between him and Kea.

Sometimes I wish Namisa had kept Ora a secret, Angelo was finally learning to make peace and move on with his life. He was happy with his job, started dating Lonwabo and was making efforts to go out more, to spend more time with his friend. However if Namisa hadn't come back into his life, maybe he wouldn't have found the strength to visit Oarabile's grave today. I guess one must always take the good with the bad.

"Hi, Vuyo... I'm sorry I'm late", he said while wiping his feet on the doormat. "I had a flat tire. That took a bit of time and I had to drive slowly, couldn't risk it".

"Wait", I said as he tried to give me a hug. "Let me get Kea to get you a towel. You're wet. I don't want a mess all over my house. Dry yourself off and go freshen up in the guest bedroom."

He said it was a flat tire but I've known him long enough to tell when he'd been crying. Rain and tears, this was just like that night.

Watching him play with Kea always warmed my heart and this night was not any different. She knocked on the guest room door a few times before he came out and so began their antics. Piggyback riding, watching television and talking about what she wanted for Christmas. Their conversations were as loud and animated as ever but fun to watch.

"Goodnight mommy", she whispered and ran to kiss Angelo on the cheek. "Oh... So where is my kiss" I asked.

"You'll get it in the morning", she giggled and ran to her room.

As soon as Kea shut her door close, I looked to Angelo. He had that look in his eyes again but this time it wouldn't work.

"I know you have a lot on your mind Angel, talk to me. Don't shut me out".

He looked at me and then at his phone. He asked to be excused so he could call Lonwabo and tell her that he would be getting home late, he wanted to wait for the rain to calm down a bit. He wasn't always this cautious. Trying to stick to the speed limit or driving carefully are traits he developed during his period of reclusion. It wasn't necessarily that he was reckless but he just seemed to not trust himself as much.