My reality

It's hard!

It's hard! It's hard when your parents don't understand you. When they don't understand that when they say you have to go out your scared of going out on your own. It's not like I have any friends to meet up with because I lost all of them, and the one person I keep in touch with my parents hate and if they knew i was talking to her they would be furious.

It's hard when every time they mention that I have to get a job the lot of my stomach starts to feel strange and I feel the tears welling up in my eyes. That just the thought of meeting new people makes me want to hide in my room and cry hoping to never have to leave.

It's hard when no one arounds me believes when I say I have no friends. When they question wether I have one or two when I'm reality I have none and even when I'm in a room full of people I still feel alone. When the comfort of my room is the only place I feel safe but also the place I feel most alone.

It's hard when I buy all these nice clothes and when I first try them on I finally feel pretty but as soon as I put them on to where out I feel ugly and self conscious and fat and always end up in a pair of jeans and an over sized hoodie because I feel like I'm to fat to where nice clothes.

It's hard when I leave the house, when I'm in public and there are people around my age laughing and my first thought is that they are laughing at me. Laughing at the way I look or the way I walk or the way I dress when in reality they aren't even looking at me.

It's hard when I live in a house full of skinny people with naturally thin legs and a flat stomach and never put on weight when I work out everyday, I eat healthy and I still don't look pretty, I'm still not thin like them, I still feel guilty for eating that ice cream or chocolate or pizza even though at the time I'm not even thinking about what I'm doing till it's lo late and it's already done.

It's just hard!