I stare at the Instagram picture again. It's a picture of twenty some people on a big boat. They are all holding drinks, and smack in the middle of the group is a gorgeous, lean, tanned hunk of a guy with his arm around a girl's shoulder and his aviator's perched on his perfectly straight nose. Damn, he looks so cut in this picture, I think to myself, gazing at his perfect torso. No! He's not even that hot, its probably just the way he is posing with the camera angle. Cause, you know, sometimes if I stand with my legs really far apart and stick my butt out I can take a selfie that makes it look like I have thigh gap. Whose that girl he has his arm around anyway? She has really nice boobs. They're probably fake. What?! She has thigh gap and she isn't even standing funny. Fuck! Come to think of it, all the girls in the picture have thigh gap and perfectly tones stomaches. All fricking 17 of them. Not to worry, he probably doesn't even know them. Maybe they came with his friends or something, I think to myself, noting the other guys on the boat. I focus my attention on the girl at his side. She had long blond hair, blue eyes, and pouty lips. I try to zoom in on her face and then remember I can't cause its on Instagram. Damn, why couldn't he have posted this on Facebook. She is probably wearing tons of makeup. Some girls just try way to hard.
I re-adjust the elastic waste band of my sweats and take another bite of my microwave pizza. Some girls just didn't get it. Guys love a laid back girl.
Lets get real, looks aren't everything. I star at the hot blonde girl again. Like, do you think she is actually happy? Everyone has their struggles in life even if they are extremely good looking. Like maybe she doesn't have a good home life. For all I know her parents are unemployed - maybe they didn't go to college cause they aren't that smart or something. Its possible, they could just be really dumb. It's probably hereditary.
I glance over at the stack of books on my bedside table. All very interesting books written by Harvard graduates with PHds and stuff. Some of the stuff they say is so intellectually advanced it just captivates you. Take his holiness the Dahli Lama for example, its astounding how much he knows about happiness. At least I assume he does, I haven't actually read the book yet to be honest. I haven't read any of them actually, but I'm planning to. Its just so great to indulge your intellect.
I wonder if Cole misses how witty I am. I remember all of the times he would blankly stare at me when I talked about important world issues like starving children in Africa and how if we gave them each twenty dollars a day they could buy food. He must have been in awe that I could have come up with a plan to fix Africa so easily. But I guess its just easier for some people than others. Honestly, sometimes it feels like everyone else is just normal and then there is me, Charles Darwin inventing gravity for the first time. I could see that being pretty intimidating for some people. You know, the more I think about it the more it makes sense that Cole broke up with me. I would be hard to be overshadowed all the time.
Not that I mean to overshadow people, quite the contrary. In fact I purposefully try to blend in so that people are more comfortable around me. Like that time in 8th grade when my best friend Victoria found me stuffing my bra full of tissue. It was me being considerate to the fact that the guys paid a lot of attention to her cause she had big boobs so I thought if I did that then they would start noticing me too and Victoria would'nt have to feel so weird about it. I never asked her if she felt weird about it but I could just tell, you know? But that just goes to show you how great of a friend I am.
I think thats also why Cole said we should "just be friends". I was feeling pretty down about it but my Mom told me how "lucky anyone would be" to have me as a friend and I totally understand now. I mean, if I was Cole and felt like I wasn't good enough to date me I would totally break up with me too and then ask to be friends so we could still see each other all the time. It may seem unusual to other people how close Cole and I are but the fact is really our friendship is very strong. I haven't seen him in a while but I still text him everyday to let know how much I care about him, even when he doesn't reply, cause I value our relationship a lot. And I know he cares too cause just last week he text back and said he was "busy with work" so he is obviously thinking of me and didn't want me to worry.
I finish my pizza and exit Instagram without liking his picture. It's not because I'm jealous of how many likes he has - 377 in 28 mins - but because if I like it then he will know that I am creeping him. I don't actually follow him or anything. I wouldn't want it to seem like I am super interested in his life.
