I abrubtly awoken by my loud alram clock. I sluggishly hit the snooze as I attempt to fall back asleep. Unfortuantly, I can't and I slowly get out of bed, trudging to my bathroom. The First day of high school. Wonderful. I straighten out the tangled mess on my head with my flat iron of 5 years. When I finish I put on my bright orange Florida tee-shirt with my white jean shorts. I slip on my black converse and grab my back pack. I text my friend to meet me at the bathrooms as I grab a cereal bar. My Dad comes downstairs along with my two younger brothers, we get in the car and head to school. I am dropped off and I immidiatly put my earphones in as I walk into school. I meet up with my friend, Lisa. We stand and talk while waiting for the staff to herd us all into the gym. Once they do, we report to our homeroom teachers after a long, horribly worded speech given by our principal.
I walk to room 520 and my spirits are lifted when I see two friendly faces, Ariana and Kennedy. The rest of the class I dont recognize, as friends that is. Ariana complains that none of the guys in our class are attractive. I agree, but I still believe we are too young to date. It's only our junior year after all. Two guys sit by us, Matt and Griffin. I have never met them, but they don't really talk to us anyways. They seem like they are friends, although they are almost polar opposites, by looks that is. Matt is tall with brown eyes and brown hair, while Griffin is on the short side with blonde hair and green eyes. I push the thought aside as the first bell rings and our teacher walks to the front of the class.
She does the normal teacher introduction, complete with the "I hope we will have a great year" and the most popular "I am looking forward to getting to know all of you". We all know that she will end up hating all of us within two weeks. Lucky for her, we only meet in this class on Thursdays. We play a few introduction games. Unfortuantly I have to participate. We all give our names, goals for this year, and favorite movie. I try to keep it simple by stating my first name only, along with the goal of "getting good grades", and for my favorite movie, I choose The Sandlot. I mean, who doesnt love that movie. After that boring class we move on to all our others until its finally 3 pm. I try to leave as quick as possible. I unfortunatly don't have a car, so I walk to my brothers school to pick them up.
A week of these same routines, and I begin to become dissapointed with all of it. I have nothing to look forward to anymore. No special friends, crushes, good classes, activities, nothing. It just feels so, plain. So boring. I just wish that I knew I was lucky at that point. Because that coming Thursday in homeroom, I would find something to look forward to. And that thing, would throw off everything. The day arrives as I unknowingly walk to homeroom. And right when I walk in, I meet his eyes. And it hits me like a ton of bricks. I got my wish, something to hope for. And he had classes near mine all day, so that would end up keeping me busy.
It was the guy I used to think nothing of. But now, I always think about him. All these things I didn't notice before, I noticed now. I noticed that he didn't like to smile, that he was very smart. I noticed that he ate fast, that his eyes sparkled when he laughed, and sadly, that he would never like me back. If you really knew me, you would know that I don't typically do this kind of thing. That I believe you shouln't date until at least your senior year. But man, this guy really got to me. He was all I thought about. everytime the bell rang, I would come up with a game plan so I could walk by him to our next class. Lucky for me, most of his classes were next to mine. I had to strategically plan out when to leave my classroom. It was tiring, but worth it. I got to see him quite a lot during the day. And I now looked forward to homeroom. I guess you're wondering who this guy is. Well, it's Matt.
Now I could describe everything about him if you wanted. Like that he was actually really muscular, and how he loved to play football and baseball. And that he loves weightlifting, and spongebob. To me, he was perfect. Amazing even. He was flawless in every way. For some reason, I noticed other girls were quite rude to him. At a senior football game, He moved down in the bleacher section next to this girl, and she said "Um this is my personal space bubble and you just popped it, move please." She said it in the most demeaning tone I had ever heard. And that please at the end didn't help any. I wanted to go hug him as he sadly moved away. But I couldn't. He didn't know me. I'm sure if you showed him a picture of me he would recongize me, but he sure wouldn't know my name. And that was a really awful feeling to have.
I wished for weeks that he would at least become a friend. But I'm to shy to talk to him, in fact I never have. I wanted to cry. Everytime I saw him, I was happy, but not because I was having a good time, because he was. He became everything to me. He was my background, my inspiration. And it was scary to know how far I had let it go. I was, I guess I was, obsessed. I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to hear him laugh. But I couldn't. And it took every ounce of strength in me not to break down everytime I thought about it. I just had found my reason to live, to breathe, but I was nothing to him. Nothing. I was meerly another random face.
He was wearing me down. I almost had a heart attack near homecoming time. I hoped and prayed he wouldn't ask another girl, if he did, it would be the end of me. And thankfully, he didn't. He didn't even go to the dance at all. And neither did I. I felt okay for a while. But of course, nothing good lasts forever.
The day of October 17th, my heart was ripped out. While awkwardly reading his social media, I saw him post a picture of the girl he liked. And the only reason why I knew he liked her is because he said it in the caption. He tagged her and everything. I couldn't get the images of comments saying "Date!" out of my head. I couldn't cry. I set down my phone and layed down on my bed. I just stared at the ceiling. I didn't move, or make a noise. It was if I didn't exist, and in that moment, I wish I didn't.
