Steal My Girl ✓

t h i r t y - f o u r

Taylor's POV

I was honestly not expecting that, in fact I was a bit taken aback that I couldn't reply instantly. I never knew he thought of that, let alone felt that. Was he feeling jealous all the time and was I too oblivious to see it?

"You just don't know how much it hurts seeing you with him. So Taylor, you're not the only one who feels something inside. I have feelings and my own thoughts too, so please don't think you're the innocent one here because we both did something wrong to each other." He added and took one glance at me before he faced and stared down at his cup of hot chocolate.

Was I selfish this whole time? Was I too full of myself that I didn't even thought about what Harry felt? God, just a moment ago I was angry at him now I feel the guilt and my self conscience eating me up. All the mixed emotions and thoughts are filling inside my head that I couldn't decide what I should do. Since I feel like if I make one move or say one word, it'll just add up to the pile of guilt I was having.

But I cleared up my thought and sighed. If I do or say anything that might wrong, well at least I said something.

"Why didn't you told me then? Why didn't you asked me to just stay away from Zayn if you feel that way?"

"Because I was scared, okay? I was afraid that if I told you to keep your distance away from Zayn, you'd feel that I was controlling you. But I'm not, I'm just scared of losing you again. But, I guess my worst fear happened again." He sighed still not making eye contact with me as he stared at the steam coming out from the cup and the swirls of the hot chocolate.

I pursed my lips together and intertwined my fingers. I guess this is the time to loosen up and bring down my pride.

"I'm sorry." We both suddenly said in unison. He looked at me and I was honestly surprised, I'd never thought that he'll apologize, in fact I never thought I'd apologize too. But here I am now, swallowing my pride and saying sorry. I was wrong, we both were. And I guess it was the right thing to apologize.

It was his turn to purse his lips as he gripped the mug in his hands tighter. And from under the moonlight I could see his piercing green eyes were glistening. I averted my gaze away from him and just stared down at the floor, just waiting for someone to speak up first.

The tension and the atmosphere between us was making my heart race and making me a nervous wreck. It was like something was stuck in my throat and I couldn't speak even if I want to. But he already spoke first.

"I'm sorry, Taylor. I really am. And what can I do for you to forgive me?"

I heaved a sigh, still looking at me carpeted floor. Sure it was a mistake, sure it was an accident and he was drunk and out of his mind. But it's just hard. It's hard to forgive a mistake, it's hard to forgive a broken promise. What just stung and hurts me the most is that u counted and expected so much from him and thought he could fulfill the promise he made.

"Harry, it's just— I think I need some time to think about this, about us. And I think you need some time too." I replied and took a glance at him to see him pursing his lips.

"I just want you to know that I'm sorry." He said and I bit my inner lip.

"I'm sorry too." I replied and he seemed shock and a bit taken aback from what I just said.

"I'm sorry if I've been that clueless and selfish that I didn't even thought about what you felt."

"And I'm sorry if I didn't tried hard enough for our relationship. I'm sorry if I've been cold to you and I know I should've kept my boundaries." He said while fiddling with his thumbs.

"I guess we both have something to apologize for and tonight is full of apologies." He added while I nodded in agreement.

After a few moments, silence followed after our short conversation. The occasionally howls and blows of the wind can be heard from outside and Harry sipping from his mug from time to time that I'm wondering if he's ever going to finish that any sooner. We just sit in plain silence, with no one uttering a single word. Until Harry cleared his throat, shattering the quiet serene ambience. I glanced at him and took a look at his mug to see it was already empty.

"I'll give what you want Taylor. I'll leave and give you some time and space to think about all of this, but please don't make me wait for something that we're not even sure of." He told me and I nodded.

"I'll get going, thanks for the hot chocolate." He added and handed me his empty mug which I took and placed it on the desk, I'll wask it later when he leaves.

He stood up and wiped his palms on the pockets of his jeans. I followed after him when he went towards the door. I twisted the doorknob to open the door for him, he stepped out and he was at my doorway, ready to leave and bid goodbye.

"Thanks for everything Taylor, and I'm sorry if I couldn't do it the same way you did." He said and flashed a quick small smile.

"I guess it's fine, I'll see you soon." I replied and smiled a little, and with that I closed the door. Ready to give this a night's rest. I first placed the mug in the sink and washed it and placed it back before Harry even went inside. I climed and sunk into my white duvet sheets, feeling my eyes about to shut.

Tonight was full of apologies, realization and space. With so much going on, I could feel myself drifting off to sleep.

I'll surely need the time and space, to think about the things going on, to think about us and whether or not if we still both want to be together.

••

Wow, long time no see. . .

I'm terribly sorry for not updating regularly. School is getting more difficult and harder than I expected and with the amount of projects and homeworks I have to do, it's quite hard to keep on track.

And also, this is quite out of topic but I just want to thank you for 6k reads on Back to December. It's honestly surreal and I couldn't believe it, and I couldn't have done it without you guys. <3

Anyways, I hope you guys are having a great day/night :)

xx