Natural Love

Chapter 1

~Today is the first day of Ryan's radiation.~

I wake him up early. "Ryan, wake up," I say to him. "Whaaattt?" he groaned. "It's your first day of radiation," I said quietly. "Oh. Yay," he said sarcastically. I got ready first while Ryan stayed in bed. I made breakfast for us while he got ready and we ate then left. We got to the office and checked in. They finally called his name. We went in to a small room and waited even more. "I wonder how long we have spent waiting our entire lives," he said to me. It is an interesting question. "How do you define waiting?" I pondered. "Waiting rooms, lines," he replied. "Yeah, but what about when you are waiting for a milestone? Then do you wait your entire life?" I asked. "No, I mean like-" he said but got cut off by a knock on the door. The doctor came in. The usual; questions, answers, me being asked to leave the room for a few minutes. It was always scary. I never knew what they were going to do to him. I just wanted to be next to Ryan in our bed at home. I played on my phone for until Ryan came out sobbing. "Hey baby," I said sympathetically. "H..hey," he choked out. "What happened?" I asked as we walked out of the office into the parking lot. "Well after you left they asked a few more questions and then they took me to this room where the radiation happened. I had this thing over my face so I couldn't see and it was...scary." he said softly. I grabbed him and hugged him tighly. "I love you so, so, so, much. You never have to be afraid when you are with me." I said before we got into the car. "I love you too and I always will." he said. The car ride home was mostly silent. We listened to the radio and Ryan held my right hand while I drove with my left. I teared up as his hand tightened around mine. I couldn't get the though of death out of my head. It had been in the back of my mind ever since that day in the hospital. Those few words changed everything. I love Ryan, I need him. I couldn't imagine myself without him. I needed to tell him these things without making him feel worse. I couldn't imagine what it is like to know that you have this thing in your head that could kill you. It must be like how I feel times a thousand. We got food and went home. He was laying in bed and I sat on the edge next to him. "I feel like with all the things that have been hapening lately we should talk to each other more about our feelings," I said. "Um, ok. Could you..go...?" Ryan stuttered. "First?" I asked. "Y..Yeah," he responded. "Well, I am sad, but I love you...nevermind this was a bad idea," I said awkwardly. "Yeah," he said. The atmosphere was very awkward. We never really had to force things buy now I feel like we do because of the situation. I hate to think this way but I don't know how much longer I have with the love of my life. I might as well make it last.