Technically, this isn’t part of my job description. Now don’t get me
wrong; I’m all for the whole ‘woe is me,’ gig. I have stickers. I
diagnose it every day. I know what mental health is, and I know what
depressed is. I can also diagnose attention seeking and just plain
nuts. The thing is, when you’re a hundred times overqualified for your
job, things become significantly less cool. To be honest, I don’t even
know why I’m sitting here. Being a desk monkey pays well, sure, but
when all the fun’s sucked out of it by the fact that you’re only here
until the next thing comes along (and because damn it, you need some
money because otherwise your landlord’ll go hungry –and kick you out,
as well), then it’s boring. Aaalmost as boring as the man sitting in
front of me.
Seriously. He’s 23, balding, and I’d put money on the fact that those
pants haven’t ever been unzipped with anything other than precise
Methodism. At the moment he’s talking about something to do with his
girlfriend (yeah, okay, left hand) and the fact that she’s not meeting
his eyes anymore. Oh shit, I’m supposed to be meeting his eyes as
well. Okay, doing it. I’m on the game now. His lower lip’s really
chapped, his neck’s that red sort of tone that’s all splotchy and
makes you think of sweat and stuttering, and he’s been going for 20
minutes now without any sign of stopping. I guess he pays me for it,
but I can’t see how I’m helping. Maybe my nodding and spaced out
“Mm,”s are enough to see him through whatever the storm it is that
he’s facing. If that’s the case, good for him. I think that losing the
tie and the hair gel might help a little more. Then again, this is
supposed to be a look into his head. I’m supposed to be deciding
whether he can join the ranks of the cubicle dwellers here. I’m pretty
sure I’m also supposed to be providing ways for him to ‘fix,’ himself,
but I’m not 100%.
I think that if I was my boss, I’d fire me. I’m kind of glad I’m not
my boss though, because he’s 56 and always has these sweat stains. One
of his legs is shorter than the other or something, I don’t know, and
he has this onions smell about him that he just can’t shake, the poor
bastard. He doesn’t really do much, that I can see, but from what I’ve
heard he’s had the position for 15 years. If I were my boss I’d also
look into getting a new secretary because – I look through the glass
of my toilet cubicle of an office – yep, she’s always on the phone to
her friends. She does know that this stuff gets recorded in the
