once apon a time, there was a very HOT guy named jacob. jacob sartorius. he loved an also really hot girl named PEPPA and peppa was so hot if you're not lesbian you are now and that's the tea sis sksksksk and i oops anyways jacob and peppa we're dating and like they had a lot of kids but they weren't married which against the rules of god so god was like
"peppa jacob you need to marry"
then peppa was like
"god bruhduh i'm not ready for that kind of commitment"
and then god was like
"shut up whore both you and i know you cheated on jacob"
and then jacob was like 😧
but he was cheating on peppa with none other than
RAINI RODRIGUEZ
but it's fine because peppa was cheating with
you
guessed
it
DR. PHIL
and that's fucked but whateva
anyways jacob and peppa have so many kids but lol only 5 of them are JACOBS and the rest are DR PHILS which is insane soooooo
peppa has 17 kids right?
"right!"
and then jacob texts his mom and is all like
"you send?"
and his mom is like
"WHAT THE FUCK JACOB THIS IS SO UNACCEPTABLE. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THIS BEHAVIOUR."
and then jacob goes
"omg mom it was an accident it was meant for someone else"
"WHO WAS IT MEANT FOR YOU WHORE"
"mom it was meant for um"
"UM UM UM DO YOU SEE ME STUTTERING BITCH STFU"
and then jacob blocks his mom in envy
later that day
jacob comes home to DR PHIL AND RAINI RODRIGUEZ LITERALLY DOING NOT VERY HOLY THINGS
and jacob is like totally chill on the outside so he goes into his kitchen to make a bowl of cereal
but on the inside..
JACOB IS FREAKING DYING HE CANT HANDLE IT BECAUSE HE LOVES RAINI EVEN THO PEPPA IS LIKE SUPER HOT BUT RAINI IS LIKE A BETTER FRIEND IG IDK BUT JACOBS MENTALLY NOT OK ANYMORE AND HE POURS THE MILK BEFORE THE CEREAL AND HOMY FUCKING SHIT HES EATING HIS CEREAL ON HIS BED BECAUSE RAINI AND PHIL R BUSY BUT LIKE ITS FINE BECAUSE WE GUCCI GANG GUCCI GANG GUCCI GANG SPEND TEN RACKS ON NEW CHAIN
but anyways
the next day
peppa gets hit by a parked car because dumb blonde vibez 🤩🤩 #relateable #cute #funny #couplegoals #summer2k19 #back2school
