Behind The Mask

Chapter 36

Michael’s POV

It’s been a week from the harrowing scene when Anouk finally agreed to be fully open and honest with me. I spend every available moment learning about her condition, how to look after her, how to keep her safe. The list of don’ts is long and discouraging. The list of potential fatal illnesses she may develop is frightening. But I have faith in God. And thankfully I have the financial means to ensure that she always gets the best treatment and she keeps her diet and has fun in every allowed manner.

Right now, we’re in my room and I do the hardest thing I ever did in my life: I’m giving her the insulin shot. For the last 2 days I’ve been practicing on oranges, but today is my big test. I gulp hard and look at her flat tummy. She’s lying in bed and I sit up straddling her.

“Okay…here I go…”

I think my voice is shaking a bit, like my hands, really.

“Michael? Look at me. I trust you.”

These simple words steel me for my task. She trusts me. She knows that I can do this to her, if God forbid, she’s unable to. I grab the little syringe and stab her stomach with the needle. I push the piston and then I gently extract the needle. I watch her skin with hawk eyes. No, not even one drop of blood. I did it!

I throw the empty syringe in the trash can and bend over her, kissing that very spot on her stomach where the needle was.

“It wasn’t that bad, was it?”

I lift my eyes and look at her face. Her hands are cupping my face, holding me against her warm body.

“I’d give anything to find a less painful method to give you your daily insulin supplement.”

“When I was little it was done with real syringes…with those big needles. We had a nurse living nearby who was kind enough to teach mom how to do it. These little self administrating shots appeared just 10 or 11 years ago. For me, they’re an improvement. What about you? What’s your routine?”

It’s a twisted show me yours I’ll show you mine ritual for us today. I open the drawer and show her the wide assortment of pills and creams that make life bearable for me.

“This is for the lupus flares….but I also need to go to my doctor from time to time for various procedures…These….they’re mainly for pain, anxiety…The more I worry, the worse I hurt. The more stress I have, the worse the lupus gets. I can’t win on any front!”

I slam the drawer shut. She’s seen enough of the dark side of my life. After all, I want to keep Anouk by my side, not scare her away. I lie next to her in bed and look in her eyes as earnestly as I can.

“Honestly, now, you are the best cure for all my pain and suffering. You help me relax, unwind and let go of worries. I see your love in your eyes and it’s enough to boost my mood, to give me hope…That’s what I need most of all: hope that my life has taken a turn for the better. I need you in my life, I need someone significant to help me build a future…a family…”

I look in her blue eyes again and there is no glint of joking or mockery in them.

“Two dysfunctional people building a functional family? Sounds like a Woody Allen movie” she whispers.

I draw closer to her and kiss her lips.

“My life has been a circus show so far…I’ll take my chances with a Woody Allen movie.”

“So will I…I’d try anything just to keep this little sense of normality that you’re giving me.”

“Good. In a few days I want you to meet my sister Janet. She’s giving a party just before she’s leaving on a world tour, so it’ll be the last chance for you to meet in the next year or so.”