Ambulance.

Try me.

(⚠️TW⚠️ mentions of depression and suicidal ideation along with drug induced psychosis. Be safe 💖)

I woke up the next morning on the couch with that big blanket on me and the tv turned off. The sun was drifting through the window and making the whole room bright. I stretched out and looked at the ceiling.

Small clinking noises came from the hall. I walked down it and found the kitchen. Frank was there making breakfast and had coffee sitting on the counter. I knocked on the doorway and he turned around.

"Oh hey! You're up! Come sit down theres coffee right there for you." He told me.

I sat down at the bar and grabbed the warm coffee. I took a grateful sip of the warm liquid. The smell of waffles drifted through the house and made everything smell warm.

"Thank you. I really gotta pay you back some how. I feel bad for causing so much trouble for you." I really did feel bad. I just don't know how to thank people.

"Ah no it's okay really! But if you do want to pay me back then you decide what to do and I'm all for it." He smiled.

He set down a plate of two waffles in front of me. They were perfectly golden brown and fluffy. He put whipped cream and strawberries on top too.

"At this point I can't pay you back even if I gave you ten thousand roses and imported wine. You keep upping the bar."

He chuckled and sat down next to me. We ate and laughed at stupid jokes and got to know each other. Soon it was around 6 pm and I needed to get home.

"I'll drive you there so you don't have to take the bus okay?" Frank told me as he got his keys.

I nodded and we went on our way to my apartment. Before I got out of the car I gave frank my number and he thanked me as I thanked him twice as much.

When I got out the car he drove off and disappeared down the street. It felt good to be home. Though when I walked up the steps to my apartment, there was a box sitting in front of it.

The box had nothing on it and was slightly heavy. After I unlocked the door and went into my apartment setting the box on the table and used my key to open it. Inside there was a note and a set of three mugs.

The parcel was from my brother. Each mug had a different design on it. One had outer space, one was a picture of his dog and the last said "old time lord needs his coffee before the adventures".

I took out my phone and called him.

"Hey Mikey! Thanks for the mugs man." I said into the phone.

"Yeah dude no problem your birthday was yesterday so I had to drop them off on my way to the airport. How was your birthday?" He asked.

"Ah ya know it was good. I went out with friends and had a good time." Since my family doesn't know about my addictions and habits, it's better to lie and fake it till you make it than have them be disappointed. And besides what they don't know won't hurt them right?

"Ah that's great! I'm sorry I wasn't able to actually spend this year with you but hopefully next year. Anyway I gotta go I've got some meetings with some professors before my orientation." He blabbed on.

"Okay little bro have a good time at uni I'll call you later bye." And that was it.

I don't think many realize how utterly terrible it is to be alone. One minute you're buzzin around with someone and the next you feel so bad that there's nothing you can do to feel better, except for drugs.

Mikey and me never talked much anymore since he found his path in life. He was working out every imperfections in his plans while I sat in a dusty apartment drinking coffee and doing drugs. I envy my brother, not because he's successful but because he isn't stupid like me.

It's times like these that I really don't know why I was even born. No one really would notice if I overdosed would they? They wouldn't. I'm just some lowlife scum of the earth. All I do is drugs and have sex with random guys because I can't remember what having a basic life is like. Nothing really makes sense anymore. Everything is just a big shit show.

"Gerarddd."

Someone called my name from my room. I knew no one was here but I've heard this voice before.

"Come here Gerard. You need me to survive."

I walked into my room and grabbed the bag of snow. Winter was comin tonight.

It was hours later and I've been sitting on the couch getting High over and over again because the little buzz is gone. I don't feel good from this anymore. Maybe I need something stronger.

I searched through the cabinets until I found a bottle of whisky. I drank it straight from the bottle while I searched through the contacts in my phone. There were two numbers I had the options of. Ezio and my old time friend, Jared.

Thinking back to prior events that happened just the night before, I fell like Jared was my only option.

It rang about four times until a low raspy voice came through the speaker.

"Gerard, baby how's it goin?" His words drifted into one ear and out the other.

"Jared listen, I need something stronger than cocaine. It's—it's not doin it anymore man."

"Well come find me and we'll work somethin out." Jared's voice was hinting at something and yeah I knew what it was. It was always the same thing but I didn't have any other way to get the stuff I needed.

It's been like this for a while now. I can't really remember in years but I think maybe close to around 9 years goin at it like this. It's a wonder I'm not dead yet. Though the times I've almost died can fill a dive bar at midnight.

This sort of thing happened so many times that I knew the way to Jared's place like the back of my hand. Sometimes when I went on long walks to clear my head I often ended up right outside even though I spaced out.

See the drugs are the only thing keeping me around here. It's not really something I'm proud of per say; however it's something that defines me in a sense.

I am this and this is me. Simple.

Yet, why does it seem that every new drug makes me feel so heavy?

I've chased that dragon a few times and it always takes me to cloud fucking 9. And it feels so good that I just can't seem to scratch the itch well enough.
And that's how it gets you. That's how it draws you in. more and more each time a bigger craving with every hit for stronger and more intense highs.

And i wanna feel so high, that everything fades away. There's only a few ways to do that really, and i think that the self destruction is worth the high.

I slipped on my shoes, bottle of whisky in hand, and made my way into the night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
hehehe hello!!
this was half finished for so long but i finally said fuck it and wrote the rest. i'm gonna hopefully start on chapter three and then upload soon but works been kicking my ass recently so who knows.

anyways i hope you enjoy!

-g ٩( ᐛ )و☆