5 Times Dazai's Family Visited The ADA

1: Sakura & Katsumi

Dazai had been particularly giddy, over energized and wound up that day, Atsushi had decided. He was bouncing about, bothering Kunikida to the point of snapping pens and launching into bellowing, idealistic riddled attacks, and hummed that disastrous suicide tune. Of course, when lunch rolled around, and Dazai discovered he had forgotten his lunch, his complaining increased tenfold.

"Ku-ni-ki-da-kun~!" Dazai spun towards the desk he and his partner usually occupied at high speeds, feet pulled up onto the seat and legs tight to his chest as he barreled into the desk, shaking the monitors as Kunikida gave a growl of frustration.

"I'm hungry.. And it seems that I have misplaced my lunch, could you do your weary partner a favour and lend me some of your lunch~?" Dazai tipped to the side slightly as fiddled with the straps of his coat, trying his best to give him puppy eyes.

"No." Kunikida spoke firmly as he continued to type furiously, eyes never leaving the screen, despite Dazai's past ministration.

"Kuniki-"

"No." Firmer, this time.

He spun around, and as soon as Dazai and Atsushi's eyes met, Atsushi knew, not without a heavy weight of dread in his stomach, what was about to happen.

A monumental whine escaped the mans mouth in the form of a drawled 'Atsushi....' And Atsushi went clammy. He knew he wouldn't be able to hold out against Dazai's badgering for long, he didn't have Kunikida's iron clad will to just simply say no.

"Can I have some of your lunch, Atsushi-kun?" The question, God.

"But Dazai... You shouldn't have forgotten your lunch!" Atsushi tried valiantly to argue back, but he knew is bound to be a losing battle, when it came to Dazai.

"But it was only just this time! I'm so hungry, Atsushi! So, so so so so hungry I could eat a horse! A horse Atsushi, a horse!" Dazai pleaded flopping about like a wet noodle as he whined like a toddler.

"Dazai, you have APPROXIMATELY SEVENTEEN MINUTES AND THIRTY-FOUR MINUTES OF WORK TODAY, AND WE ARRIVED HERE FIVE HOURS AGO DAZAI! BARELY A LICK OF WORK HAS BEEN DONE! WE'RE GOING TO FALL BEHIND OB THIS DAMN CASE SOONER OR LATER BECAUSE OF YOUR DAWDLING, AND I SWEAR TO THE LORD ABOVE I'LL HAVE YOU BANDAGE WASTING, PROCRASTINATING SUICIDE OBSESSED ASS ON A STICK-"

"Dazai-san!" Naomi interrupted, stopping Kunikida mid rant and gather the detectives attention.

"There are two kids out side saying they have your lunch, wanna go talk to them?" Atsushi blinked at that, confusion curling in the pit of his stomach as to why a couple of kids would be wanting to speak to Dazai?

"Mm, okay Naomi-chan! Thanks for letting me know~!" Dazai got to his feet his and was out the door before Atsushi could voice his concerns, I mean, what if it was the Port Mafia? What if they were still hunting him abd sent some kid assassins to kill Dazai and the rest of the agency-

Atsushi jumped to his feet and was at one of the windows that of the windows that overlooked the street below in seconds, and managed to spot Dazai and previously mentioned kids. One, a rather tall preteen boy with a rough look to him was there with a short and cheery looking little girl, looking about seven or eight. The little girl fluttered around Dazai in an excited manner as the boy handed Dazai a bento box.

Dazai reached out and patted the kids heads, before seemingly saying his goodbyes as he shooed them off.

Moments later, Dazai was back upstairs in the agency office, throwing the door open with a flourish of his arms as he nearly danced into the room.

"Nevermind Atsushi! I have my lunch now!" Dazai plopped back onto the chair, slightly rolling as he began to open the box to begin eating.

"D-Dazai-san! Are you sure that's safe? Who were those kids? What if they were Mafia assassin, here to poison you, or-or put a bomb in there or something!" Atsushi's distress revealed itself in fumbling words as he wrung his hands nervously.

The look Dazai gave him was flat, before he barked out a genuinely amused laugh.

"Those were my kids, Atsushi-kun." Atsushi could practically hear the click as Kunikida's brain misfired at the new information presented to them.

Silence throughout the office set in, complete, gelatinous silence, Naomi was wide eyed, Kyouka was surprisingly equally so, Atsushi's jaw nearly hit the floor and the look on Kunikida's face remained flat.

For a moment, that is. Then all hell broke loose.

"DAZAI! YOU SUICIDE OBSESSED FOOL! WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU NEGLECT TO MENTION SO VITAL AS TO THE FACT YOU WERE RAISING CHILDREN? THAT IS NOT A SMALL THING, YOU IDIOT! YOUR LAZINESS BEST NOT BE AFFECTING THOSE KIDS LIVES OR SO HELP ME!" Kunikida was shrieking, Kenji was pestering Dazai to learn more with Naomi at his side, Kyouka sat quietly beside a still shell shocked Atsushi, looking curious.

"Kunikida-kun.... Of course I make sure I'm responsible around my kids! See, I went shopping the other day, and stayed very on task most the time! Didn't even buy any alcohol!" Dazai whined, amusement clear on his face as he played into Kunikida's worries.

"DAZAI! BASTARD, DO YOU NOT USUALLY GO SHOPPING? WHO THE HELL USUALLY FEEDS? HUH?!" Kunikida whipped out a piece of a paper and began writing a list of healthy food for growing children ages three to fourteen, telling scoldingly which foods he should get and how much they showed consume per serving.

"Kunikida-kun, its not like I'm raising them on my own! My husband usually does the shopping but he was sick last week, and the kids helped me write the list! Such good kids, right! And Sakura came with me shopping and helped me find the stuff on the list! We made a day of it!" Surprisingly sweet, but it only brought more chaos.