Pink: The gay oneshot onslaught

"You two are dating? Isn't he like 13?"

A/N: I'm crying, when I tried to type out the title for the chapter the first suggested word was "1-800-BIG-GAY". This is basically just another comical chapter like "my boyfriend is a man" >=(

"Weeeeeee!" Pit cheered as he rode on a shopping cart with Marth inside it. "Onwards!" Marth shouted out pretty happily himself, ignoring the dirty looks they were getting from other shoppers. "Guys," Ike shook his head, calling out to his friends like a disappointed mother. "Guys please, this is Walmart, quit causing a scene." 

Roy rolled up in a pair of heelies and stopped the moving cart with the palm of his hand. Giving Ike a serious look, Roy smirked before flipping on a pair of sunglasses. "No." Roy simply denied the response as a distracted Robin with his nose in a book was reading and walking, expertly dodging every obstacle that passed by him. 

"Aww, Roy. You stopped our train." Pit frowned and put his head down on the cart, and at that phrase Marth turned to face him with a surprised expression. "I thought I was in some super cool airplane, not some stuffy old train." Pit glared at him. "Shut up Marth, just cause trains don't fly doesn't mean they aren't cool!" 

Yikes, looks like Marth struck a nerve there. 

Roy began to laugh as Marth sputtered in surprise. "Pit did you just say, shut up?" Robin looked up from his new book for the first time today and Ike just gave up and decided to go wait in the car. "Guys I think we got the wrong angel." Hearing Marth say that Pit frowned. "Yeah, I'm sorry I told you to shut up Marth. But you guys do know I'm allowed to be upset too-?" "Oh my gosh, wow!" Some teenage girl gawked at the childish smashers before Pit could finish his small vent and called over her two friends to come see the famous four at the Walmart. 

"Wow, real Smash fighters!" "Omg, there are so many fire emblem ones." "Oh, I wonder where the girls are?" "They're so cool!" More people began to crowd around them as they were recognized and Pit, Roy, Robin, and Marth were nearly being eaten up by the crowd until Link stepped in. Link whistled loudly, all eyes turning to him. 

"Hey Link." Everyone heard the Fire Emblem trio chorus. But what really shocked the all the fans into submission was when Pit sprung up from his spot on the shopping cart and snatched the tub of icecream in Link's arms before giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. "Thank you!" Pit chirped happily, skipping back to the cart and trying to push it back out the store with with the others following after.

Unfortunately too many dumb strangers were in the way, gawking in surprise at what just happened. "Damnit, Link is gay?" Some girl frowned and a bunch of other woman joined in. Pit frowned, about to say something  until a blonde kid with a pair of round circle glasses interrupted. "Who cares if they're gay?" Pit smiled. Link smiled. Robin smiled. Roy looked over Robin's shoulder to peer at the pages of the book that's kept him so entranced, wait Harry Potter? Now that Roy thought about it this kid looked like some kind of Drarry love child- Marth simply tried to push the cart out towards the store's exit while still being seated inside.

"Wait a minute." Everyone turned their heads to spot one the cashiers taking a break from working to join in. The man looked back and forth between Pit and Link before raising a curious brow. "You two are dating? Isn't he like 13?" 

From pure instinct Link facepalmed and Pit's left eye lets out an irritated twitch. And, of course, Roy just went back to laughing his ass off. 

"Pit's way older than thirteen!" Marth laughed out with a charming tone that made a few girls swoon but some people just wouldn't let their suspicions go. 

"Does time work different for angels?" "He look 10." "I bet I could bench press him!" "13 year olds are some of the meanest people on the planet." 

The crowd was growing restless. 

Finally, like a shooting star in the night Sky, Pit the angel stood above the crowd. Perched atop the shopping cart to allow himself to appear tall for once in his gosh dang life.

 "You see folks. There is no way that I could be thirteen years old." The young angel preached out to the crowd of nerds. "Because I was born in 1986. But this guy on the other hand... is from the year 2012 so bully him all you want!" 

In that moment Pit singled out a specific passerby who just so happened to be a disguised Dark Pit attempting to sneak past into the Trader's Village across the parking lot. "Um..." The goth angel froze with wide eyes. It was only until he glanced around did he see them. His so called "friends" were rolling away in their shopping cart as they left Dark Pit for dead. What hooligans, they hadn't even paid... 

The questions pertaining to Dark Pit's age began to bombard the poor clone fast and hard. Well, most were just 13 year olds making fun of him for only being about 8 years old. But the assault on his psyche was relentless. 

With the finality of his his strength Dark Pit curses his mirror copy and that elf boyfriend of his. Not only for dooming him to the fate of nosey video game fanatics, but also ruining his scheduled outing to the Trader Village in search of some angsty enamel pins.