I cant keep re-living this nightmare

Trigger Warning: Past Rape/Noncon, Self Harm, Nightmares

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"Mr. Stark, Peter Parker has woken up in distress." I frown. This is the fourth time this week.

"Okay. Thanks FRI."

"No problem, Boss."

I get to Pete's door and knock softly. "Peter, Buddy? Can I come in?"

I hear a few hiccups before he opens the door.

"FRI said you woke up distressed again. Wanna tell me what's going on?" He looks down at his feet shaking.

"I'm fine, Mr. Stark, really. Just nightmares about patrol again." He flashes me a small smile but I know it's not real. It's not the infectious baby-spider smile that makes everyone around him happy.

I'm about to protest but he cuts me off with a yawn and a quick, "Goodnight!" before the door closes in my face leaving me to worry all over again.

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I can't keep doing this. Mr. Stark knows somethings wrong and he right. Everything about the nightmares I've been having are wrong.

Every time I close my eyes I see Skips face smirking down at me as his hand travels up my thighs and I can't make it stop. He wouldn't stop. Why didn't he stop? Why didn't I make him stop.

It was my fault.

God I'm going to be sick. It's too much to handle. The nightmares, the guilt, the disgust, the shame...

I need to tell someone.

I need to tell someone but who? Everyone will hate me. I can't tell Mr. Stark because I just can't face him and the other Avengers are out of the picture.

I want May. Tears stream down my face at that. I could always call or video chat her but that's not how I want to tell her. Besides she's busy. I don't want her to have to deal with that.

There's no one else.

Nobody will understand.

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"Peter? I made pancakes and bacon, Honey. It's probably good we get some food in you. I heard you didn't sleep very well last night again." I sit up smiling as she runs her hands through my hair. Peppers always been like a mother figure to me.

"Thank you. I'm gonna change and then Ill come down."

I throw on a different sweater sighing at the red lines on my arm. Even though they will be gone by tomorrow morning they still make me feel bad. Emotionally and Physically. I cut pretty deep and even for me it was a lot of bleeding so I'm still a bit dizzy.

Once I'm downstairs I feel a bit on edge as soon as I pick up the conversation between Pepper and Steve.

"That's so wrong. Rapist deserve to go to hell."

"I agree. Especially child rapist. I could never understand what goes through someone's mind to hurt a child like that. Or anyone for that matter."

"Me neither. A child has no way of defending themselves of a crime such as that. They don't understand what's going on and often times it last a while before anyone finds out. Even after children feel guilty for what happened but it's never their fault. None of it."

I'll admit hearing people talk about it is extremely uncomfortable but part of me also feels like this is it.

Maybe it's not my fault.

Maybe I should tell Pepper?

After breakfast I hesitantly go to Peppers room feeling nervous as ever but honestly I'm too tired to deal with this alone anymore. I can't stand having Skip haunt me anymore.

"P-Pepper?"

"Peter? Come in, Sweetheart I'm just hanging up some clothes." Her room smells sweet like vanilla and pumpkins and safety.

"D-Did you mean it earlier?" She looks up from her clothes confusedly.

"Mean what?" I bite my lip. This is hard.

"That... that if someone hurts a child it's not their fault?" She frowns. Oh no. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything. She's going to hate me- say that it was my fault because it was my fault.

"Of course, Baby... Why?" I feel tears sting my eyes.

"I need to tell you something."

Tears spill fiercely down my face as she reaches out and hugs me tightly, whispering "It's not your fault, Peter. We will figure it out."

And we do. After an hour of crying and shaking and hugging I mange to get it out.

I tell her how it started how I met him at the library and then he became my babysitter and my only friend. How he was great for the first few months and how much my parents adored him.

I tell her about how he showed me adult magazines and said that all friends looked at the together. How all friends touched each other.

I tell her how confused and scared I was when he 'hurt' me. How not only emotionally but physically painful it was when he did it and that I would fake being sick because of it. How it continued for a year before he moved away.

I tell her how I never told anyone because I was so ashamed and scared and humiliated. How I've been having nightmares every night lately. How I've been injuring myself because I thought it was my fault this entire time.

I tell her how I didn't think I could turn to anyone because nobody would understand. How I thought people would hate me and blame me.

I tell her I hate him because she says that's okay. He deserves for me to hate him.

And as she hugs me and tells me that she's going to help me I tell her how much lighter I feel. How I can breathe for the first time in so long. How I have hope.

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She tells Tony and May for me. While May cries and hugs me until I'm suffocating Tony is furious at Skip and demands we "call his lawyers and get that perverted a*shole locked up immediately" –to which Steve says he would fuss at him if he didn't agree.

And he hugs me and helps me through everything more than anyone else.

Within a month Skip is put in a cell for sexual abuse of a child.

Everything gets better and the nightmares even go away after a few months thanks to my family.

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That's all! I have a new a03 that's called Oceanberre as well and I'm posting more fics there as well in case you're interested :)

Also— remember loves things always get better and if you don't feel like you can tell anyone you know about something going on or something that happened there are resources available to you.

🌊